Hey Kids! Comics!

[Squishy]

You like bad movies, or you wouldn't be here. How about bad comic books?

Gone & Forgotten hasn't gotten around to those gawful Dell horror-movie-based superheroes (a spandex-wearing "Dracula"  for example) yet, but check out what's there, including the "2001" comic and "Power Pachyderms!" Hosted by Mr. Terrific and Bee Boy!!

Oddball Comics contains some seriously awful crap. I mean really. Makes my head hurt. And there's so much!  So much Bad!

Seanbaby don't update no more since he got a real job. Sellout punk b****-boy. Still, not only is his "SuperFriends" page a scream, he has a stomach-turning collection of Hostess Fruit Pie ads and a vendetta against a Nintendo player that must be read to be believed. (Warning: very much the PG-13, yes indeedy.)

Fine, fine. You just wanna know more about "X2" and "Daredevil." Eat me and go see Comics2Film for the latest news on Hollywood's next big crapshoots. (I meant that in the gambling sense.) Wait--New Line's developing "Shazam?"

It's not a comic book, or comic-book related, but HR's pretty funny. Find "Strong Bad E-Mail."

[Mofo Rising]

Thanks for the "Gone & Forgotten" link.

I remember enjoying Power Pachyderms, a one-shot, as a kid.  I also remember enjoying Harvey comics as a kid, so take that as you will.  Power Pachyderms is not so good anymore.

I really like Kirby's take on 2001: A SPACE ODDYSEY.  If you get a chance to pick them up, I highly recommend it.  Imagine Kubrick and Clark's evolutionary philosophy played out in superhero terms across history.  Absolutely nothing like the movie, I'm still looking to complete my collection.  Just one of the series that goes to show you that Kirby was eccentric.

Not like Ditko.  Ditko's insane.  If you want to see some bizarre comics, pick up some of his later solo stuff.  He's, as one of his colleagues so nicely put it, "brainwashed by Ayn Rand".

Yup, my love of "bad" crosses all mediums.  That's what leads me to scour the 25 cent bins looking for Christian Johnny Cash comics.

And how do you develop Shazam?  That's not his name, it's just his word of power.  Everybody knows his real name is the Big Red Cheese.

I'd also like to mention that I'd love to see some new AMBUSH BUG comics.

[J.R.]

I remember seeing this comic called Nova, that was Christian-themed, but contained some very violent imagery. The bad guys were demons that looked like flaming corpses and they slaughtered innocent people at a shopping mall until the hero, wearing biker leather and helmet, came in and kicked ass for the Lord.

[Squishy]

I'm sure Mofo already knows this, but just for information and clarification: DC's Cap'n Marvel can't use his own name in the titles of his books because Marvel owns the name and uses it as the title of one of its books--even though the "Shazam!" Cap is far older.

I've actually expected a Captain Marvel movie ages ago. (1) His was the only '40s superhero serial that doesn't completely blow , and (2) it's natural Hollywood marketing: "Superman" meets "Big."

J.R., amongst the hordes of weird funnies at Oddball Comics, there are at least two Jewish comic books--"Mendy and the Golem" and a anti-terrorist superhero with the most incredible name--that might tickle you. Your post reminded me of a few more goodies:

Oh, screw it--here's Mendy's homepage--"Our story opens in New Haven at that rarely noticed moment when an ending and a beginning are held within the same cosmic breath." OMG. That's just astonishing. (Looks like Mendy's undergone an upgrade--I remember this as a crudely-drawn crudfest from the '80s--now it resembles "Archie's Weird Adventures" with outrageously awful prose. I...I may have to buy it!!!)

Empire of the Claw samples some of the cheesiest gore-comics of a bygone age. I remember reading the one--fully posted at the linked site--where the guy's eye bursts from the socket as he is hung...

"Nova" as described by J.R. sounds a tad like "Hell Rider,"  reviewed over at Bad Movie Report. (It was there I got the Empire of the Claw link.) Think Nick Cage would be interested?

[ErikJ]

The worsat but enjoyable one I remember was Marvels Power Pack series. 4 kids who get supper powers from aliens that look very much like Komdo dragons on 2 legs.

[J.R.]

I remember the Power Pack! One of them was like this weird cloud that flew the others around. They were the heroes of the second story in a special Marvel comic that dealt with child abuse. Spider-Man starred in the first.

[Dano]

There was a Simpsons in which Bausch&Lomb put out a comic book called "Bi-Clops."  The superhero (who looked suspisciously like Milhouse) wore glasses and beat up bullies who made him cry.  It was a big advertising plot for glasses, or something.  

Do they do this kind of thing in real life?  I seem to remember there was a comic my dentist gave out when I was a kid that had the Crest team dueling the Cavity Creeps.  I also seem to remember a comic book centered around BMX bikes.  I imagine there was some God-awful stuff put out in the name of higher sales.

[Squishy]

Lots of those types of comics (corporate-shill funnies like "Bi-Clops") at Oddball, but the huge archives have to be swam through.

I myself picked one up the other day which ISN'T at Oddball yet--from 1986, "Captain Electron" features eye-searingly awful art by Jay Disbrow (who still does an online comic somewhere out there, even though it still looks like he models from old Mego action figures), and is "set in the Fascinating World of COMPUTER SCIENCE."  

The hero, an amalgam of Superman and Captain Marvel...Junior...appears out of nowhere, fights Teh Ee-vil, and returns to where-ever the hell he came from--but before and after his "amazing exploits," we're treated to the History of Computers...narrated by "Mr. Computer," a fugged-up being from Tim Burton's worst alcohol-fueled nightmare.

I kid thee not, True Believer. Mr. Computer is one of those ancient Ray-o-Vac consoles with the keyboard and monitor and everything all mounted together. His big-schnozzed face  fills the screen, arms and legs--and huge ears!--sprout from the sides, and he wears a bowtie on the front edge of the keyboard. In fact, these weird arms and legs are nicely dressed--somehow--with good shoes, a top hat, and a frickin' CANE. (Remember--the legs come out of his SIDES. How does he walk?)

At the final page, Mr. Computer bids farewell to Cap'n Electron and us, and notes that if YOU have an interest in "the Fascinating World of COMPUTER SCIENCE," you should huck off a letter to the Brick Computer Science Institute of Bricktown, New Jersey. (Edward Zapp, President. No, really.)

Captain Electron flies and is invulnerable to harm and is incredibly strong, which means the "action" is out of the way quickly so we can learn more about COMPUTER SCIENCE of the mid-80s. (It had to be just as boring then as it is now.) Captain E's abilities, origin, and what-not are not even touched upon.

No, we have to spend most of our time with Mr. Computer, freak extraordinare. Brr. I wish he was real so I could see what happens when you plug him into a wall socket...does he bleed when you crack his screen with a hammer?

The issue comes complete with "No. 1" on the cover, but of course it was a one-shot.

[Dano]

At the final page, Mr. Computer bids farewell to Cap'n Electron and us, and notes that if YOU have an interest in "the Fascinating World of COMPUTER SCIENCE," you should huck off a letter to the Brick Computer Science Institute of Bricktown, New Jersey.
*****  Arrrgh!  That sounds atrocious.  I was never a comic reader, but I would bet that stuff is the bottom rung.  "No. 1" - priceless.

[Mofo Rising]

Captain Electron sounds good, but is he anything compared to THE TANDY COMPUTER WHIZ KIDS. . . IN ACTION AGAIN!

"Alec and Shanna. . . starring in FIT TO WIN!"

"Compliments of RADIO SHACK, a division of TANDY CORPORATION."

You can pick this beauty up free at Radio Shack while supplies last.  Unfortunately the comic was released in 1988, so they're probably out by now.

I was going to read it so I could comment on it here, but I was stupified by the amazing ad for the Tandy Color Computer 3.  128K color computer for only $219.95.  Just attach it to your television and you're ready to go--you may never outgrow it!

Anyway, the thing looks like its about smugglers.  There's a weird Popeye looking guy.  Alec and Shanna start a club called Fit To Win, which I think is an offshoot of the Hitler Youth, only with Tandy replacing Hitler.  A shipment of new Color Computer 3's to their school almost starts a riot.  Umm. . . police. . . more smugglers. . . state fair. . . don't drink and drive. . . and finally Alec wins a marathon, somehow stopping the smugglers in the process.

There's a lot more where that came from.  The addendum to the story is a history of computers, which I also didn't read.  But it does end with an inspiring message to study hard because soon "It will be your turn to make a contribution to scientific knowledge that continues progress without endangering our home base. . . Spaceship Earth--A contribution that also benefits people of other nations."

You heard it here, folks.  Progress.

P.S. This isn't the issue I have, but it's still worth the look.

[JohnL]

What about the Atari Force comics that accompanied some 2600 games? Their ship was shaped like the Atari symbol.