How to annoy telemarketers

[Funk, E.]

I usually ask them how their gag reflex is. That tends to do the trick

[AndyC]

Ah, Jehovah's Witnesses. Used to have great fun with them. They came around fairly regularly when I was much younger and more cocky. My mom was too polite to just send them on their way, and used to chat with them, even when it interfered with something she was doing.

Not me.

At first, I'd just accept their copy of Watchtower and flip through it in front of them, smirking and giggling at certain points. From there, I worked up to opening the door, letting out a shocked "oh f**k!" and slamming it shut. Alternately, I'd just peek through the drapes (fairly obviously) and not open the door.

One day, as I was sitting out front,  I watched them leave my next door neighbour's place, walk down to the street, pass by my house and go to the neighbour on the other side. Victory.

Not that I have anything against someone's religion. What I have a problem with is people who come to my door and tell me that my religion is no good.

[wheresthecarrot]

My boyfriend and I used to wait for them to start down the road, put on as much cheesy goth make-up as possible and and answer the door tattoos and piercings blazing and ask them a lot of in depth question about satan while our giant dog barked furiously.  it was fun.

[Rachel]

hold the phone up to the tv during the "d-day" scene in saving private ryan

"no? no hablo engles"

tell them that you are taping this right now, and that anything they say can be used against them in court of law

"do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?"  say this really low and seriously

say, "hello, clarice"   (silence of the lambs joke)

tell them the connection is bad, and bang the phone really hard

say, "can you hear me now?" every 15 seconds

act hard of hearing and scream into the phone. "SAY THAT AGAIN??"

do the jack in the box "chipotle" thing

do the darth vader breathing

pop a balloon right in front of the receiver and scream, "ahhh! I've been shot!"

act like santa and tell them they've been naughty

give the phone to a 3-year-old child

laugh and slap your thigh very hard after every third line and say/ "that's a good one"

repeat everything they say, and if they say "I'm a moron" say "yes you are"

shout,"let's duel!"

laugh and chat with them and act friendly with them then gat mad and shout,"you **** ****ing  ****!  you're the **** that's been seeing my wife!

[spike]

Rachel? Ah I see if accidently popping that hot auce in your was not enough and reading some of those comics you borrowed I say all the horror went into your head
and now here I go
Pant and say your watching pornos
Tell them a sincere **** you!
Eat and talk
Tell them wait and swat the phone
Buy a bullhorn

[Brother Ragnarok]

Put in Guitar Wolf's Jet Generation, turn it to track 7, "Roaring Blood," which starts out with about a minute of mind-shredding feedback, crank it up, and put the phone up to the speaker.  Guaranteed they'll never call back, likely because it made their head explode.

Brother R

[kriegerg69]

.....I simply hang up when I realize I've gotten a spam phone call. Period.

...and when it's from one of those "auto-dial" systems, there's always usually about a two second pause between my answering the phone and either a person talking or a recorded message that starts, so I hang up when I get that pause.

I won't give them the satisfaction OR waste my time. HANG UP is the answer.

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