Things You've Learned From Commercials

[InformationGeek]

Commercials are always fun, depending on the right one or the right company.  Here's a few:

If you don't switch to Capital One, Vikings will get you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drqO8aySdFg

If you are obsessed over a cereal, you will turn into a furry monster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6eakuH1krk

Certain body sprays make you irresistible to women.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ_TlopThfs

So, what have you guys learned?

[retrorussell]

Chinese dry cleaners call their technique an "ancient Chinese secret" when they actually just use Calgon.

Dow bathroom cleaner contains sentient bubbles who enjoy "going down the drain together!".

When faced with an adverse situation, or angry people, just hold up a roll of Mentos and smile.  Everything will be all right.

[Leah]

Obsessive commercial people will offer you a deal you CANNOT refuse

[BTM]

I've learned that jewelry will definitely get you kissed (or more) when you present it to your spouse.

People, for some reason, aren't surprised to see a lizard talking to them.

When you drink beer, armies of scantily clad women will show up out of nowhere to join you.

Never use Supervolt batteries, as they'll always fail you when you need them the most.

There's all these great foods that promote weight loss that, neatly enough, doctor's don't seem to know about.

I can't remember where I put my remote, car keys, or inhaler, but I can remember @%%@ing commercial jingles that I heard decades ago.

[Ozzymandias]

Ozzymandias speaks: There are actually guys who are stupid enough to agrevate Bigfoot.
Crooked insurrance companies and drunk drivers upset Robert Vaughn more than Thrush taking over the world.
Cavemen are over-sensetive babies.
Everyone who makes millions of dollars from some "plan" sold on an infomercial hangs out at an exclusive pool party.
Cute puppies are obsessed with toilet paper.

Ozzymandias has spoken!!!

[hellbilly]

Things I've Learned From Commercials? to change the channel.  Seriously, I haven't watched commercials in years and I'm totally fine with it.

[Jack]

Burger King is a very scary place.  I try to avoid the whole section of town where their restaurant is located.

Eating at a fast food restaurant - 7 days a week - is a fantastic way to lose weight.

Driving any car at any speed is something that should only be attempted by a trained professional on a closed course.

The local restaurant named "Bub's" is actually pronounced "Boobs".

[Newt]

Taking 'natural male enhancement' pills will make even the nerdiest guy insanely popular with the ladies.

Eating yogurt will make your belly gyrate at the offiice.

[Leah]

men love Miller lite better than their Fiances
Men with too much money will convert their basement closet to a cooler room for beer
Car dealerships will give you back $1900 back on a purchase on a new car

[retrorussell]

Side effects of erectile dysfunction pills can include a 4-hour erection.  None for me, thanks! 
Barbie readily adapts to the hottest fads and fashions.  Read: she's a sellout!
Seeing a dog drag its butt across a carpet, whether on a commercial or in real life, is just nasty.

[The Burgomaster]

Last year, I bought a 2 DVD set called DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL.  It's a compilation of about 6 hours worth of TV commercials from the 1950s through the 1970s.  It's interesting to see what commercials have tried to teach us over the years. 

[InformationGeek]

Talking pizzas sound like Mr. Bill.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpnn06p3SdA

[Leah]

a creepy gut with a muffin mit w/ a smiling face will force you to eat Hamburger helper
people will take 89 cents to got to Taco Bell
eating greasy foods will make your buttons fly off and you will fall down on the ground
Papa John will personally come to your house to deliver your pizza(s)
The NFL sponsors many beers
drink Sprite and the ground will become a swimming pool

[retrorussell]

Advertising execs seem to think using a popular song and changing the lyrics slightly to promote their product is a brilliant bit of marketing.  

They also think "weird" or "silly" sells, whether or not it has anything to do with the product.

[flackbait]

Apparently Bud light, Miller light, Natural light, Budweiser,Miller High life, Corona, Coors and Guinness are the best beer in the world!