Confessional---Anything To Get Off Your Chest?

[JaseSF]

Happy, I'll second what Rev. is saying and remember there are others out there who know what you're going through who can offer help and advice and there are places you can go for help and advice if you need it. Just something to keep in mind.

[The Burgomaster]

At a house party about 20 years ago I peed in my friend's clothes dryer.

I have to ask, was that a "drunk" thing, or a "the bathroom was full and I needed to go" thing or something else?

It was a drunk thing.  Unfortunately, I wasn't drunk enough to use that as an excuse . . . I knew very well what I was doing.  There are other stories about peeing in a bottle of mouthwash and peeing in a box of tissues, but I won't say whether I was directly involved or merely a spectator.

[HappyGilmore]

I've relapsed.  I had gotten off drugs, but I relapsed this week, and I haven't told anyone about it, except for right now.  A lot of people will be disappointed.

Dude, I just quit smoking for 36 hours and relapsed. I'll try again until I get it right.  Don't let falling off the wagon once get you down.  Just accept the setback and try again.  If anyone's disappointed in you that's their own business.  Quit for your own reasons, not because of what someone else thinks.

It wasn't a one time thing.  I spent all week in another state entirely.  I'm mostly disappointed in myself, and that's my main concern.  I was doing so good.  And just like *that* I gave it all up for momentary bliss.  Again and again and again.
I tried so hard to stop.  It's not so easy.  The physical side of addiction I got over.  The mental side beat me up.

It's tough.  You should be disappointed in yourself for not meeting your goal.  My concern is that by being too tough on yourself you may be tempted to give up.  I say just keep trying, don't give up.  It may take several times before you get it right.  Ask a doctor for advice.

I don't even know where to begin.  I've deleted certain contacts from my phone so I wouldn't call them (I'm not good at remembering people's phone numbers), mostly certain 'dealers' I used.  My problem is I have friends who always have stuff around and hook me up when we're at a party having fun.  I don't "have" to take anything...but you don't wanna be that guy, the one dude in a sweatervest at the party in the corner drinking fruit punch.  Nobody wants to TALK to that guy, let alone be that guy.

Happy, I'll second what Rev. is saying and remember there are others out there who know what you're going through who can offer help and advice and there are places you can go for help and advice if you need it. Just something to keep in mind.

Thing is, I need and want advice on what to do in some situations.  On the other hand...there's times where I come home from work and think "Well, one beer isn't gonna hurt" or "Taking this one pill isn't gonna kill me" or something to that effect.

[Mofo Rising]

I don't even know where to begin.  I've deleted certain contacts from my phone so I wouldn't call them (I'm not good at remembering people's phone numbers), mostly certain 'dealers' I used.  My problem is I have friends who always have stuff around and hook me up when we're at a party having fun.  I don't "have" to take anything...but you don't wanna be that guy, the one dude in a sweatervest at the party in the corner drinking fruit punch.  Nobody wants to TALK to that guy, let alone be that guy.

Well, this is a familiar story.

Here's a thing to remember, and I hope you can make it work for you. It isn't drugs/alcohol/etc. that makes a conversation, or a fun person. It's you. You don't become a new person by ingesting something, but it may bring certain personality traits to the forefront. But behind it all, it's still the just the person you are.

I'll go back to alcohol. Alcohol has always been a potent tool to lower social inhibitions, and has been used that way for years. If you're shy, well why not some liquid courage?

But at its base, it does not change who you are. Are you a fun drunk (or whatever drug you like) that everybody enjoys hanging out with? You still are that person sober, you just may not be as willing to share it with other people. However, if you get used to only being that person under the influence, you begin to think that the drug is the causative, not yourself. You begin to think you need the drug to be the person you want to be.

Well it's not true. You can still be "fun" when sober, because it isn't the drug, it's yourself.

I've been down that road, and I'm not saying it's easy to go out to parties without your "helper." But don't sell yourself short. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you really work at it.

[JaseSF]

I've relapsed.  I had gotten off drugs, but I relapsed this week, and I haven't told anyone about it, except for right now.  A lot of people will be disappointed.

Dude, I just quit smoking for 36 hours and relapsed. I'll try again until I get it right.  Don't let falling off the wagon once get you down.  Just accept the setback and try again.  If anyone's disappointed in you that's their own business.  Quit for your own reasons, not because of what someone else thinks.

It wasn't a one time thing.  I spent all week in another state entirely.  I'm mostly disappointed in myself, and that's my main concern.  I was doing so good.  And just like *that* I gave it all up for momentary bliss.  Again and again and again.
I tried so hard to stop.  It's not so easy.  The physical side of addiction I got over.  The mental side beat me up.

It's tough.  You should be disappointed in yourself for not meeting your goal.  My concern is that by being too tough on yourself you may be tempted to give up.  I say just keep trying, don't give up.  It may take several times before you get it right.  Ask a doctor for advice.

I don't even know where to begin.  I've deleted certain contacts from my phone so I wouldn't call them (I'm not good at remembering people's phone numbers), mostly certain 'dealers' I used.  My problem is I have friends who always have stuff around and hook me up when we're at a party having fun.  I don't "have" to take anything...but you don't wanna be that guy, the one dude in a sweatervest at the party in the corner drinking fruit punch.  Nobody wants to TALK to that guy, let alone be that guy.

Happy, I'll second what Rev. is saying and remember there are others out there who know what you're going through who can offer help and advice and there are places you can go for help and advice if you need it. Just something to keep in mind.

Thing is, I need and want advice on what to do in some situations.  On the other hand...there's times where I come home from work and think "Well, one beer isn't gonna hurt" or "Taking this one pill isn't gonna kill me" or something to that effect.

Happy, when you have thoughts like that, is there someone you can talk too to get you through it so you don't cave in to those thoughts?? A support group might help. Talking to your doctor could help.

You have to think about what you yourself want out of life and ask like Mofo suggests, do you really truly need this drug to be who you want to be?

[BTM]

I was reading this book about serial killers and their MOs and whatnot, and they had a picture one of the victims of this serial killer (can't recall his name) who's body was left right next to a "No Dumping" sign.  

I feel horrible admitting this, but I found that to be funny.

Not that murder is funny mind you, and I feel sorry for the victim's family and stuff, but still...

[Vik]

That's actually pretty funny

[AndyC]

It's quite possible the killer meant it as a joke.

[HappyGilmore]

I don't even know where to begin.  I've deleted certain contacts from my phone so I wouldn't call them (I'm not good at remembering people's phone numbers), mostly certain 'dealers' I used.  My problem is I have friends who always have stuff around and hook me up when we're at a party having fun.  I don't "have" to take anything...but you don't wanna be that guy, the one dude in a sweatervest at the party in the corner drinking fruit punch.  Nobody wants to TALK to that guy, let alone be that guy.

Well, this is a familiar story.

Here's a thing to remember, and I hope you can make it work for you. It isn't drugs/alcohol/etc. that makes a conversation, or a fun person. It's you. You don't become a new person by ingesting something, but it may bring certain personality traits to the forefront. But behind it all, it's still the just the person you are.

I'll go back to alcohol. Alcohol has always been a potent tool to lower social inhibitions, and has been used that way for years. If you're shy, well why not some liquid courage?

But at its base, it does not change who you are. Are you a fun drunk (or whatever drug you like) that everybody enjoys hanging out with? You still are that person sober, you just may not be as willing to share it with other people. However, if you get used to only being that person under the influence, you begin to think that the drug is the causative, not yourself. You begin to think you need the drug to be the person you want to be.

Well it's not true. You can still be "fun" when sober, because it isn't the drug, it's yourself.

I've been down that road, and I'm not saying it's easy to go out to parties without your "helper." But don't sell yourself short. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you really work at it.

I've been told I'm a "Happy Drunk/etc."  Thing is, most of the time, sober, I'm a very depressed individual.  I used to be very happy.  But events happened, and I realized that every single woman around would rather be with an a***ole than a guy who treats her right.

I've been told I'm a decent looking guy, nice, funny, entertaining, great sense of humor, fun to be around.  Then every babe I know goes out andn finds the biggest assh*le they can find and dates him for five years.  Then, he dumps her and she comes crying back "I shoulda picked you...you were a catch."  Mind you, they mention my "unconventional appearance."

Plus, with a majority of my family and friends abandoning me...I started using at first just to help kill the loneliness.  In all, they've been my best friend for two years.

[Rev. Powell]

I don't even know where to begin.  I've deleted certain contacts from my phone so I wouldn't call them (I'm not good at remembering people's phone numbers), mostly certain 'dealers' I used.  My problem is I have friends who always have stuff around and hook me up when we're at a party having fun.  I don't "have" to take anything...but you don't wanna be that guy, the one dude in a sweatervest at the party in the corner drinking fruit punch.  Nobody wants to TALK to that guy, let alone be that guy.

Well, this is a familiar story.

Here's a thing to remember, and I hope you can make it work for you. It isn't drugs/alcohol/etc. that makes a conversation, or a fun person. It's you. You don't become a new person by ingesting something, but it may bring certain personality traits to the forefront. But behind it all, it's still the just the person you are.

I'll go back to alcohol. Alcohol has always been a potent tool to lower social inhibitions, and has been used that way for years. If you're shy, well why not some liquid courage?

But at its base, it does not change who you are. Are you a fun drunk (or whatever drug you like) that everybody enjoys hanging out with? You still are that person sober, you just may not be as willing to share it with other people. However, if you get used to only being that person under the influence, you begin to think that the drug is the causative, not yourself. You begin to think you need the drug to be the person you want to be.

Well it's not true. You can still be "fun" when sober, because it isn't the drug, it's yourself.

I've been down that road, and I'm not saying it's easy to go out to parties without your "helper." But don't sell yourself short. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you really work at it.

I've been told I'm a "Happy Drunk/etc."  Thing is, most of the time, sober, I'm a very depressed individual.  I used to be very happy.  But events happened, and I realized that every single woman around would rather be with an a***ole than a guy who treats her right.

I've been told I'm a decent looking guy, nice, funny, entertaining, great sense of humor, fun to be around.  Then every babe I know goes out andn finds the biggest assh*le they can find and dates him for five years.  Then, he dumps her and she comes crying back "I shoulda picked you...you were a catch."  Mind you, they mention my "unconventional appearance."

Plus, with a majority of my family and friends abandoning me...I started using at first just to help kill the loneliness.  In all, they've been my best friend for two years.

Happy, I only have a few words of advice left.

1. Seek help from a therapist and/or medical doctor.  You've rather bravely confessed that you use alcohol and drugs, at least partially, to cope with loneliness and other problems.  That's obviously treating the symptoms, and not the disease.  Perhaps you need antidepressants and behavior modification rather than painkillers.

2. It seems to me you are being a bit of a defeatist.  The fact is, people in your situation, and those in worse situations, quit abusing drugs every day. Particularly when they are as young as you are.  You made progress for a while; don't let a relapse convince you it can't be done.   

3.  I was in a somewhat similar situation in my late teens/early twenties.  Now, I drink moderately and never use illegal drugs.  I've been prescribed a ton of vicodin myself for my hernia surgery and it's still sitting in my medicine cabinet.  Largely, the change was a change in my circumstances, getting help for depression, and changing the way I view recreational drugs.  Not only can it happen, but I would say the path I've taken is the common one.  As you grow older, recreational drugs will be less rewarding; most (obviously not all) people grow tired of them at some point.  That point will probably come to you.     

[HappyGilmore]

I don't even know where to begin.  I've deleted certain contacts from my phone so I wouldn't call them (I'm not good at remembering people's phone numbers), mostly certain 'dealers' I used.  My problem is I have friends who always have stuff around and hook me up when we're at a party having fun.  I don't "have" to take anything...but you don't wanna be that guy, the one dude in a sweatervest at the party in the corner drinking fruit punch.  Nobody wants to TALK to that guy, let alone be that guy.

Well, this is a familiar story.

Here's a thing to remember, and I hope you can make it work for you. It isn't drugs/alcohol/etc. that makes a conversation, or a fun person. It's you. You don't become a new person by ingesting something, but it may bring certain personality traits to the forefront. But behind it all, it's still the just the person you are.

I'll go back to alcohol. Alcohol has always been a potent tool to lower social inhibitions, and has been used that way for years. If you're shy, well why not some liquid courage?

But at its base, it does not change who you are. Are you a fun drunk (or whatever drug you like) that everybody enjoys hanging out with? You still are that person sober, you just may not be as willing to share it with other people. However, if you get used to only being that person under the influence, you begin to think that the drug is the causative, not yourself. You begin to think you need the drug to be the person you want to be.

Well it's not true. You can still be "fun" when sober, because it isn't the drug, it's yourself.

I've been down that road, and I'm not saying it's easy to go out to parties without your "helper." But don't sell yourself short. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you really work at it.

I've been told I'm a "Happy Drunk/etc."  Thing is, most of the time, sober, I'm a very depressed individual.  I used to be very happy.  But events happened, and I realized that every single woman around would rather be with an a***ole than a guy who treats her right.

I've been told I'm a decent looking guy, nice, funny, entertaining, great sense of humor, fun to be around.  Then every babe I know goes out andn finds the biggest assh*le they can find and dates him for five years.  Then, he dumps her and she comes crying back "I shoulda picked you...you were a catch."  Mind you, they mention my "unconventional appearance."

Plus, with a majority of my family and friends abandoning me...I started using at first just to help kill the loneliness.  In all, they've been my best friend for two years.

Happy, I only have a few words of advice left.

1. Seek help from a therapist and/or medical doctor.  You've rather bravely confessed that you use alcohol and drugs, at least partially, to cope with loneliness and other problems.  That's obviously treating the symptoms, and not the disease.  Perhaps you need antidepressants and behavior modification rather than painkillers.

2. It seems to me you are being a bit of a defeatist.  The fact is, people in your situation, and those in worse situations, quit abusing drugs every day. Particularly when they are as young as you are.  You made progress for a while; don't let a relapse convince you it can't be done.  

3.  I was in a somewhat similar situation in my late teens/early twenties.  Now, I drink moderately and never use illegal drugs.  I've been prescribed a ton of vicodin myself for my hernia surgery and it's still sitting in my medicine cabinet.  Largely, the change was a change in my circumstances, getting help for depression, and changing the way I view recreational drugs.  Not only can it happen, but I would say the path I've taken is the common one.  As you grow older, recreational drugs will be less rewarding; most (obviously not all) people grow tired of them at some point.  That point will probably come to you.    

Thanks for the support, I suppose.  

I dunno if I'll be posting as much in the next couple weeks.  I just gotta sort things out in my head.  I may pop up, may not.  I dunno.  I gotta do something.

I can't really see a doctor or therapist.  No money.  I'd have money if I wasn't paying all the bills.  The little bit I have left after bills don't even cover an office visit to a doctor.  And I have no friends to turn to.  I'm just a sad depressed little man and I don't have anyone to turn to.

[Mofo Rising]

I dunno if I'll be posting as much in the next couple weeks.  I just gotta sort things out in my head.  I may pop up, may not.  I dunno.  I gotta do something.

I can't really see a doctor or therapist.  No money.  I'd have money if I wasn't paying all the bills.  The little bit I have left after bills don't even cover an office visit to a doctor.  And I have no friends to turn to.  I'm just a sad depressed little man and I don't have anyone to turn to.

I'm with you on the no money bit. Can't say I enjoy it myself.

Don't sell yourself short just yet. Remember, when you feel all alone, we're all on your side, and we're always here. There are a lot of us here who have been where you are.

I spent quite a few years feeling alienated from all and everybody, a nigh shut-in. I spent almost as many years working my way out of it in incremental, near-imperceptible steps. It was tough work, and it wasn't fun at any point. Small comfort, I'm sure, but I'm at a point now where I'm feeling very good about myself and where I'm going. Part of that was the communities I participated online.

Do what you have to do, but remember, you're not alone.

[BTM]

It's quite possible the killer meant it as a joke.

I think he did, and the caption was all like, "This picture shows the contempt the serial killer has for society and it's basic rules" etc, etc.  All scholarly and stuff, and I'm just like, "The sign said, 'No dumping' and he dumps a body next to it! HAHA!  Oh, s**t, I shouldn't laugh at that..."

On a similar, but less grisly note, we had some people who stayed in the room of your hotel (which is non-smoking), they threw the "no smoking" sign into the taste can and smoked in the room.  Found that kind of funny too.  (Oh, and we charged their credit card extra for smoking.)

[Rev. Powell]

I can't really see a doctor or therapist.  No money.  I'd have money if I wasn't paying all the bills.  The little bit I have left after bills don't even cover an office visit to a doctor.  And I have no friends to turn to.  I'm just a sad depressed little man and I don't have anyone to turn to.

Most cities have low-priced clinics you can visit.  I visited one in Vegas when I had no money or insurance to get a prescription for antidepressants.  I am not a doctor and I'm not diagnosing you as suffering from depression, but your story does somewhat remind me of my own. 

[JaseSF]

I found that when it comes to women, being too "nice"  wasn't the way to go. Women I learned in most cases seemed to think of that as me sucking up trying to get close to them and they were probably right at that time. Now I'd be far more likely to joke and kid around with a woman and I found once I started kidding around and teasing, the women seemed to take to me better because I was engaging them in conversation and not merely looking to flatter, suck-up and get with them and just seeming like someone desperately seeking attention. By not caring whether they would go for me or not and just kidding around, it tended to perk their interest a lot more. Well that's my experience anyways.

As to your more immediate concern, I think Rev's advice is top notch. I'm sure others out there are going through the same or have been through the same. Important to know you're not alone. I had a friend who found religion helped him quit smoking....that might be even be another option to consider...at least starting to talk to someone, especially someone with training to help you.