Bathroom Misses/Near Misses

Mr. DS · October 01, 2010, 11:26:30 AM

WARNING, THIS THREAD MAY BE SLIGHTLY GROSS. But lets keep it somewhat tame though.

Ok, honesty is the best policy here. Have you ever soiled yourself as an adult or nearly soiled yourself? I mean there are times when you feel a bathroom trip coming on, you can grab a paper, head to the stalls and calmly prepare yourself for endeavor. Either that or calmly (as a guy) walk to the urinal slowly and do your thing.

However, there are the times when you just barely make it whether it be #1 or #2. #2 I find is the worst case scenario obviously. There are some #2s that are just aching to get out and you have all but to do to make it to the bathroom on time. Hell, some are ready to go while you're sitting down.

Luckily I've never actually soiled myself as an adult but man have I come close. Today for example, I had Taco Bell yesterday and I'm paying for it. I just barely made the last run. I'm happy there is a toilet 10 feet away.

Skull · October 01, 2010, 02:55:47 PM

Oh I have a story to tell...

It happen to me and it was an experience that I'll never forget. It was during the early days when I was dating my future wife. I didn't own a car and we took the train to her house (she lived in the north side of Chicago and I lived on the south side), it was like a 4 block walk from the train stop to her house and suddenly I had a stomach twitching urge to poop. She didn't seem comfortable for me to stop over at her place and I respected her wishes, I told her I need to go to the bathroom and it wasn't that serous.

She told me a 24-hour McDonalds was about 2 blocks away and I thought it was ok.

What she didn't know the 24-hour McDonalds is actually drive-thru during the wee hours.

Respecting my future wife's wishes I didn't go knocking at her door (although if I did I wouldnt have a story to tell) and took a 6 block walk back to the train station (The CTA has no public bathroom either)

During the train ride I felt the stomach-twitching urge and had to make a choice. I either took the second train to my house, which may take another 45 minutes or exit at the loop and find an open restaurant. I took the Loop (if all fails I work downtown and it was another 6 block walk)

You never realized how vacant and closed the Chicago Loop is around 1 AM until you have to go to the bathroom. So I took on my 6-block venture to the building that I work (which happens to be next door to a very famous and very large building). In the back of my mind I was hoping to find something that is open and I wasn't getting lucky after each block.

I could feel myself giving in and I ran as fast as I can but my butt exploded on the 4th or 5th block.

I'm not really sure I should say what happens next... I ended up taking a Taxi home a few hours later but I had to wash my pants in the toilet (and it wasn't dry)... It was a nightmare...

Flick James · October 01, 2010, 03:10:57 PM

Nothing particularly amazing to share. I did plenty of peeing in styrofoam cups while standing watch in the Navy with an M16 on my back and dumping it over the side of the ship. That's about it.

Skull · October 01, 2010, 03:31:40 PM

Quote from: Flick James on October 01, 2010, 03:10:57 PM
Nothing particularly amazing to share. I did plenty of peeing in styrofoam cups while standing watch in the Navy with an M16 on my back and dumping it over the side of the ship. That's about it.

Oh... that reminds me...

Does peeing into a radiator works?

Back when I was 21 my buddies and I was driving on the expressway and suddenly the car overheated. It was very late... 1 or 2 AM (it seems the craziest things happens to me at 1 to 2 AM) anyway we concluded that we needed more water into the radiator, so the 4 of us took turns and pee into a plastic 2 liter soda bottle (most likely RC cola).

Before you start asking we were not drunk or on drugs. We were stuck on the middle of nowhere and in 1991 we didn't have any cell phones. We had pagers and you cannot use a pager to call for a tow truck.

Anyway I do know what pee mixed with radiator fluid and soda in an overheated car engine smells like...

although it wasn't enough to cool the engine down.

Mr. DS · October 01, 2010, 06:17:01 PM

Quote from: Skull on October 01, 2010, 02:55:47 PM
Oh I have a story to tell...

It happen to me and it was an experience that I'll never forget. It was during the early days when I was dating my future wife. I didn't own a car and we took the train to her house (she lived in the north side of Chicago and I lived on the south side), it was like a 4 block walk from the train stop to her house and suddenly I had a stomach twitching urge to poop. She didn't seem comfortable for me to stop over at her place and I respected her wishes, I told her I need to go to the bathroom and it wasn't that serous.

She told me a 24-hour McDonalds was about 2 blocks away and I thought it was ok.

What she didn't know the 24-hour McDonalds is actually drive-thru during the wee hours.

Respecting my future wife's wishes I didn't go knocking at her door (although if I did I wouldnt have a story to tell) and took a 6 block walk back to the train station (The CTA has no public bathroom either)

During the train ride I felt the stomach-twitching urge and had to make a choice. I either took the second train to my house, which may take another 45 minutes or exit at the loop and find an open restaurant. I took the Loop (if all fails I work downtown and it was another 6 block walk)

You never realized how vacant and closed the Chicago Loop is around 1 AM until you have to go to the bathroom. So I took on my 6-block venture to the building that I work (which happens to be next door to a very famous and very large building). In the back of my mind I was hoping to find something that is open and I wasn't getting lucky after each block.

I could feel myself giving in and I ran as fast as I can but my butt exploded on the 4th or 5th block.

I'm not really sure I should say what happens next... I ended up taking a Taxi home a few hours later but I had to wash my pants in the toilet (and it wasn't dry)... It was a nightmare...

I would have just shat in Paquita's toilet.

Its funny how a good sh!t story can lighten up a tense situation. Last year my father unfortunately had to be taken away by an ambulance after several dementia episodes. Even more unfortunate we had to put him in a home after it. Tensions were mounting and it was a horrible time for all of us.

My mother calls me one day after she took my father to his PCP for a checkup. My father proceeded to go into the bathroom at the appointment and literally defecated all over the bathroom. He couldn't help it because one of his meds makes him incontinent. As my mother was telling the story in a mortified voice I couldn't help but laugh. It then got to the point where i was cracking up. My mother yelled at me and then soon joined me. I think we laughed until we both had tears in our eyes. I then relayed the story to my brother and shared a laugh.

retrorussell · October 01, 2010, 08:27:16 PM

I have wet myself accidentally a couple times when I was really, really drunk. Then realized immediately what I did and changed as fast as I could.
As for #2, sometimes when I'm really sick. Less than a year ago, I believe, I had a touch of food poisoning, which gave me the runs ALL day. A couple times I didn't quite make it; a little seeped out.

Paquita · October 02, 2010, 10:06:59 PM

He really makes it seem like he said "I have to go to the bathroom, may I please use your facilities?", and then I replied with "There's a 24 hr McDonald's over there, good luck with that, loser!", doesn't he?

It totally didn't happen that way, I had no idea he had to go to the bathroom!

Anyway! He got me back when I was pregnant when he made me laugh so hard that I peed a little in the bed. I thought I just got a little bit on myself, so I quietly tried to sneak away and change my undies and hoped that he wouldn't notice, but when I came back he was changing the sheets and angrily cursing out the cats for peeing on the bed... and then I confessed

. He found that incredibly amusing and occassionally calls me Colleen Peepants.

retrorussell · October 02, 2010, 11:16:04 PM

Maybe we'll call you "Peequita".

Not me, but a patient at work once just went everywhere.. and it was blood, not poo. He was in such bad shape it looked like part of his intestine was pooped out. Guess who had to clean that up?

Allhallowsday · October 02, 2010, 11:54:18 PM

This thread stinks.

Thanks, REV

Trevor · October 03, 2010, 07:25:14 AM

Despite the horrible and well known state of my undies, I can truly say that I have never been caught or taken short. Except for the one time when I mistook what was in my diaper for chocolate and started to eat it.

No wonder some people say that I am full of sh*t.

Mr. DS · October 03, 2010, 08:43:12 AM

Quote from: Trevor on October 03, 2010, 07:25:14 AM
Despite the horrible and well known state of my undies, I can truly say that I have never been caught or taken short. Except for the one time when I mistook what was in my diaper for chocolate and started to eat it.

No wonder some people say that I am full of sh*t.

Finally! I was waiting for an authority on the subject of unclean underpants.

Cthulhu · October 03, 2010, 09:14:42 AM

I came very close to it.
If I had coughed, laughed, or was startled, I would have s**t myself.
Fortunatley, I got to the toilet.

Criswell · October 03, 2010, 02:37:10 PM

One time I was at the park a little ways from my realitives house. I had the urge and rode the bike back to the house. Lets just say it kinda missed.

Mr. DS · October 03, 2010, 03:24:51 PM

I recall many near misses whenever I drank beer to excess. One night I remember barely making it home and urinating in the front yard for at least 3 to 4 minutes. Yep...3 to 4 minutes.

Leah · October 03, 2010, 04:04:10 PM

umm, this isn't 1 0r 2, but it deals with throw up. It was either the 5th or 6th of August, I ate too much stuff, after we (me and my mum) went the the LEGO store in Houston (we didn't make it), we were two blocks away from our Cousin's house, but I threw up before that. Since that day, I also haven't eaten 6 lunches a day and is rarely hungry.