smoking the pipe!

[macabre]

hi
Okay, most if not all of you guys are adults and since its the season to be jolly lets have some festive fun.
I was sat down this afternoon with my relief teachers when i overheard two young female teachers talking about what they had done the night before. The younger of the two mentioned that she had been smoking the pipe, i smiled and said that in my youth i had smoked many a pipe(thinking that she meant the bong) they both started laughing and this young lady asked me if i knew what "smoking the pipe " meant.
It would appear that it means performing oral sex, hence she meant that she was performing oral sex on her partner, I of course blushed and laughed it off but this got me thinking.

There are many words/phrases that are used to describe sex/masturbation and so this is my question.

How many words /phrases can you come up with to describe sex/masturbation: I am well aware that we have young lady,s on this site so i apologise if i offend them are in fact anyone else but how many can you think of?

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

Wow, Thanke for the warning.  I have all my grandfather's pipes from my childhood, thank good ness I'm net tempte dto use one of thos efor a smoke!
-Ed

[Paquita]

Oh boy!  I'm a little afraid of where this will go!  I don't think I could name many that one couldn't find in a dictionary, but I've got a similar story, although it's a bit the opposite.

I have a friend who is naturally quite foul.  She's my go-to person when I hear a word or term that I suspect to be dirty, but am not quite sure – like the whole "firecrotch" (can I say that?) thing with Lindsay Lohan.  I thought it had something to do with a burning sensation, but she set me straight – It's just red pubes!  Anyway, she'll often nonchalantly turn topics to really vulgar things, not intending to shock anyone, it just comes natural to her and I sometimes have to remind her children/my mom/clergy are present, or that she's making me uncomfortable.

A few weeks ago another friend and I were talking with her about the price of salons or something along those lines.  Her father works in a salon and she blurted out "My dad gave me a Brazilian Blowout for $45!  That would normally cost over $200!".  My other friend and I had no idea what a Brazilian Blowout was.. and knowing how she is, we assumed the worst and our jaws dropped and we stared at her for a few moments before one of us asked what a Brazilian Blowout was!

I immediately thought it must somehow be related to a Brazilian bikini wax and have something to do with the netherest of nether-regions, like blow drying and floofing your pubes to make them look extra poofy.  Turns out, it's just an expensive hair (not pube) straightening treatment.

[Menard]

Oh boy!  I'm a little afraid of where this will go!

[AndyC]

I used to know a guy who had the most astounding vocabulary when it came to describing acts of a sexual nature or parts of the female anatomy. The guy was constantly cracking us up, because he'd be telling some story and just come out with an expression most of us had never heard before, that was as crude and rude as it was ingeniously descriptive. It was like shock comedy, but he wasn't even thinking about it, just naturally using terms like "beef curtains" and "the purple eye" and others I dare not repeat here. The guy was a welder who spent his days on construction sites, interacting with a lot of other like-minded men of various ages and backgrounds. It was apparently quite educational for him.

But if we want to hear from an expert on sexual euphemisms, we need only consult wise old Grandpa Gustafson.

Looks like Chuck's slipping her the old salami!
Looks like Chuck's taking the skin boat to tuna town!
Looks like Chuck's going put the hot dog in the bun!
Looks like Chuck's going for a ride on the wild baloney pony!
Looks like Chuck's a tom cat on the prowl - meow!
Looks like Chuck's taking the ol' log to the beaver!
Looks like he's gonna enter the holy of holies! Coitus Uninterruptus!
Looks like Chuck's gonna bury his bone!
Looks like Chuck's taking ol' One-Eye to the optometrist!

[Flick James]

On a somewhat relate note, I work with a woman who is routinely saying things that get taken out of context in a sexual sense. She also has one of those voices that carries. The other day she was talking to someone over the phone whom she had just sent an email. She was trying to get the person to check her junk mail in case the email got delivered there, but instead everyone hears her say "Check your junk."

Needless to say, there were a number of coworkers with furrowed brows, probably thinking, "Who is she talking to and why is she telling that person to check their junk?"

[BoyScoutKevin]

How about euphemisms for the male genitals.

The thing is. These are all from film reviews, I found on the web. Thus . . .

a certain part of his anatomy
anaconda
baby waiting room
below the belt
boy scout
cobra
cock
dick
duck
four-and-a-half incher (I wanted to ask, is that flaccid or erect?)
in a most indelicate part of his anatomy
ipswich
it
johnson
junk
little stiffie
love sausage
lower area
main vein
member
nether region
no-no area
nob
pea
pecker
privates
snake
tackle
tail
tallywhacker
target area
todger
twig and berries
very uncomforable place
wad
weiner
where it hurts the most
willy
woggle
wood
you know what
and you know where

[Couchtr26]

I thought this was going to be about tobacco.  Oh well, some phrases....

Playing the skin flute
Shaking hands with Ben Franklin
Corralling the Tadpole....

Damn, drawing a blank again. 

[retrorussell]

For a woman's privates..

Hoo-hoo
Tuna taco
Camel shoe
Ketchup dispenser

For solo sex..

Spanking the monkey
Slapping the salami
Waxing the dolphin
Going number 3

@n@l intercourse..

Hershey highway
Poo stabbing

[Menard]

...drawing a blank again. 

Doesn't that mean she's shaved? 



What's interesting is I wasn't the one who started this thread...but heck, I'll probably be blamed for it. 

[Doggett]

For a woman's privates..

Ketchup dispenser

Andrew lock the thread.



I'VE SEEN ENOUGH ! 

[Menard]

I'VE SEEN ENOUGH ! 

Has anybody mentioned Tartar Sauce?

Cave Dwelling or Spelunking
Doing the Mountain Pass

Let you all guess what those mean.

[AndyC]

For masturbation there is also:

Beating your meat
Slamming your hammer
Whacking your tack
Pounding your pudding
Whacking you weasel
Giving some life to China (if done face-down)
The five-knuckle shuffle
Dating the Palm sisters
Pulling your pud
Polishing your helmet
Ruining your eyesight
Giving Hairy the Heimlich

That's just off the top of my head. I'm sure I'll think of more.

For @n@l, we can't forget:

Fudge packing
Cornholing
Up the hoop
Knocking on the back door

[Couchtr26]

...drawing a blank again. 

Doesn't that mean she's shaved? 



What's interesting is I wasn't the one who started this thread...but heck, I'll probably be blamed for it. 

No, that is when you have been knocking boots a bit too much and the little man is empty.   

[ImaginaryFoot]

Nobody has said- bumpin uglies. I am shocked