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Riddles

Started by Olivia Bauer, March 10, 2011, 01:47:35 PM

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Allhallowsday

#15
March 10, 2011, 08:07:48 PM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 10, 2011, 07:49:21 PM
A father and son get in a car crash. The two are sent to separate hospitals.

The doctor comes in to operate on the son. The doctor refuses to operate saying "I cannot operate on this boy. He's my son!"

Who is the doctor?
His mother.
If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!

Olivia Bauer

#16
March 10, 2011, 08:17:36 PM
Quote from: Allhallowsday on March 10, 2011, 08:07:48 PM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 10, 2011, 07:49:21 PM
A father and son get in a car crash. The two are sent to separate hospitals.

The doctor comes in to operate on the son. The doctor refuses to operate saying "I cannot operate on this boy. He's my son!"

Who is the doctor?
His mother.

THANK YOU!! NOBODY EVER GETS THAT ONE!

bob

#17
March 10, 2011, 08:58:55 PM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 10, 2011, 08:17:36 PM
Quote from: Allhallowsday on March 10, 2011, 08:07:48 PM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 10, 2011, 07:49:21 PM
A father and son get in a car crash. The two are sent to separate hospitals.

The doctor comes in to operate on the son. The doctor refuses to operate saying "I cannot operate on this boy. He's my son!"

Who is the doctor?
His mother.

THANK YOU!! NOBODY EVER GETS THAT ONE!

For some reason in a high school math class a teacher started the class by asking that to us. Years later I still don't know why she did.
Kubrick, Nolan, Tarantino, Wan, Iñárritu, Scorsese, Chaplin, Abrams, Wes Anderson, Gilliam, Kurosawa, Villeneuve - the elite



I believe in the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

ghouck

#18
March 10, 2011, 09:58:10 PM
How do you take a condom off an elephant?
Raw bacon is GREAT! It's like regular bacon, only faster, and it doesn't burn the roof of your mouth!

Happiness is green text in the "Stuff To Watch For" section.

James James: The man so nice, they named him twice.

"Aw man, this thong is chafing my balls" -Lloyd Kaufman in Poultrygeist.

"There's always time for lubricant" -Orlando Jones in Evolution

indianasmith

#19
March 10, 2011, 11:58:38 PM
Why would an elephant be wearing a condom when their population is so endangered?
"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"

Allhallowsday

#20
March 11, 2011, 12:07:33 AM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 10, 2011, 08:17:36 PM
...THANK YOU!! NOBODY EVER GETS THAT ONE!
What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant's fart??  :question:
If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!

ghouck

#21
March 11, 2011, 12:07:45 AM
Quote from: indianasmith on March 10, 2011, 11:58:38 PM
Why would an elephant be wearing a condom when their population is so endangered?

Perhaps due to the most popular reason they are used: to help fight the spread of disease?
Raw bacon is GREAT! It's like regular bacon, only faster, and it doesn't burn the roof of your mouth!

Happiness is green text in the "Stuff To Watch For" section.

James James: The man so nice, they named him twice.

"Aw man, this thong is chafing my balls" -Lloyd Kaufman in Poultrygeist.

"There's always time for lubricant" -Orlando Jones in Evolution

Olivia Bauer

#22
March 11, 2011, 12:13:27 AM
Quote from: ghouck on March 11, 2011, 12:07:45 AM
Quote from: indianasmith on March 10, 2011, 11:58:38 PM
Why would an elephant be wearing a condom when their population is so endangered?

Perhaps due to the most popular reason they are used: to help fight the spread of disease?

I heard AIDS was caused by some guy who sodomized a monkey. I don't know if it's true but it sure would be funny.

ghouck

#23
March 11, 2011, 12:15:51 AM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 12:13:27 AM
Quote from: ghouck on March 11, 2011, 12:07:45 AM
Quote from: indianasmith on March 10, 2011, 11:58:38 PM
Why would an elephant be wearing a condom when their population is so endangered?

Perhaps due to the most popular reason they are used: to help fight the spread of disease?

I heard AIDS was caused by some guy who sodomized a monkey. I don't know if it's true but it sure would be funny.

Not if you were the monkey :)
Raw bacon is GREAT! It's like regular bacon, only faster, and it doesn't burn the roof of your mouth!

Happiness is green text in the "Stuff To Watch For" section.

James James: The man so nice, they named him twice.

"Aw man, this thong is chafing my balls" -Lloyd Kaufman in Poultrygeist.

"There's always time for lubricant" -Orlando Jones in Evolution

Olivia Bauer

#24
March 11, 2011, 12:25:14 AM
Quote from: ghouck on March 11, 2011, 12:15:51 AM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 12:13:27 AM
Quote from: ghouck on March 11, 2011, 12:07:45 AM
Quote from: indianasmith on March 10, 2011, 11:58:38 PM
Why would an elephant be wearing a condom when their population is so endangered?

Perhaps due to the most popular reason they are used: to help fight the spread of disease?

I heard AIDS was caused by some guy who sodomized a monkey. I don't know if it's true but it sure would be funny.

Not if you were the monkey :)

Not if you're and AIDS patient either. You're dying because some guy f**ked a monkey, how 'bout that?

Allhallowsday

#25
March 11, 2011, 12:31:52 AM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 12:25:14 AM
...
I heard AIDS was caused by some guy who sodomized a monkey. I don't know if it's true but it sure would be funny.
I think the theory was a kind of cross contamination through a bite or more likely by consuming monkey meat; then human intercourse spread the virus. 
If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!

Mofo Rising

#26
March 11, 2011, 03:41:57 AM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 12:25:14 AM
Quote from: ghouck on March 11, 2011, 12:15:51 AM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 12:13:27 AM
Quote from: ghouck on March 11, 2011, 12:07:45 AM
Quote from: indianasmith on March 10, 2011, 11:58:38 PM
Why would an elephant be wearing a condom when their population is so endangered?

Perhaps due to the most popular reason they are used: to help fight the spread of disease?

I heard AIDS was caused by some guy who sodomized a monkey. I don't know if it's true but it sure would be funny.

Not if you were the monkey :)

Not if you're and AIDS patient either. You're dying because some guy f**ked a monkey, how 'bout that?

To be fair, maybe that's exactly what that monkey needed at that moment. A little wine, a little romance...

On a more serious note, viruses show the distressing ability to jump species. After all, they don't care who hosts them, as long as they're getting attention. There is a reason why the "swine flu" and "avian flu" epidemics are named what they are.

Allhallowsday is correct in the current thinking of the origin of HIV, but the truth is no one right now knows exactly where it arose. The "some guy f**ked a monkey" story is hold-over from the '80s, when AIDS was viewed as a strictly homosexual disease. Some randy dude deserves what he got, eh? A bit facile and fun to talk about, but not quite so much fun when you look at the true damage the disease is causing worldwide. Especially if you actually know somebody who has died of AIDS.

That's a downer, though. Ghouck, you've got me stumped. How do you get a condom off an elephant?
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one of them. It gets up and kills. The people it kills, get up and kill.

Trevor

#27
March 11, 2011, 03:53:46 AM
Quote from: Mofo Rising on March 11, 2011, 03:41:57 AM
That's a downer, though. Ghouck, you've got me stumped. How do you get a condom off an elephant?

Ask nicely and then remove it. Carefully.  :buggedout: :buggedout:

What do you get if you cross an owl with a bungee cord?
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

RCMerchant

#28
March 11, 2011, 07:17:39 AM
Quote from: Trevor on March 11, 2011, 03:53:46 AM
Quote from: Mofo Rising on March 11, 2011, 03:41:57 AM
That's a downer, though. Ghouck, you've got me stumped. How do you get a condom off an elephant?

Ask nicely and then remove it. Carefully.  :buggedout: :buggedout:

What do you get if you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

Bouncing hooters?  :question:
Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."
Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant

Trevor

#29
March 11, 2011, 07:29:50 AM
Quote from: RCMerchant on March 11, 2011, 07:17:39 AM
Quote from: Trevor on March 11, 2011, 03:53:46 AM
Quote from: Mofo Rising on March 11, 2011, 03:41:57 AM
That's a downer, though. Ghouck, you've got me stumped. How do you get a condom off an elephant?

Ask nicely and then remove it. Carefully.  :buggedout: :buggedout:

What do you get if you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

Bouncing hooters?  :question:

:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

That's better than the reply in Kung Pow Enter The Fist: "My ass."  :question: I still don't get it.
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.
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