Who's lonsome?

[LilCerberus]

I'm so crushingly lonely I can hardly bear it.  I broke down crying just yesterday.  All my friends are married and have families and careers, and here I am just starting out at 32.  No relationship, live with Mom and Dad.  I feel like a loser and a failure.  Worse, I feel irrelevant.  I have good days and bad; sometimes it's hard to even get out of bed.

In my early 20s, coworkers at temp jobs used to ask me if I had any kids. I'd say "no".
Then they'd ask me "Why not?"

In 2005, following two years of unemployment, preceded by years of working jobs that didn't pay my bills, thinking maybe if I worked hard enough, I might be able to go back to school, only to get laid off before I had $50 set aside, I swallowed my pride & went on SSDI disability.

Sometimes, my stepdad points out my hobbies or favors I've done for people (My Volunteer work with WRIR has been a big one), & he asks why in the hell I can't get a job doing that.
Frankly, I'd like an answer to that one myself, but I'm often treated like it's none of my business.

I'm a 40 year old virgin...

It's all very embarrassing.

[claws]

I have no problems socializing, and I've been in many relationships, but I actually prefer being alone.
Sometimes I do feel blue (lonesome) but never to the point where I have to rush out and meet people.
I would like to give some good advice to lonely people here but other than a cliched 'get out the house and start living' is all I can think of.

[Rev. Powell]

I'm so crushingly lonely I can hardly bear it.  I broke down crying just yesterday.  All my friends are married and have families and careers, and here I am just starting out at 32.  No relationship, live with Mom and Dad.  I feel like a loser and a failure.  Worse, I feel irrelevant.  I have good days and bad; sometimes it's hard to even get out of bed.

That sounds like clinical depression rather than ordinary loneliness.  I'd consider seeing a doctor if it persists.   

[HappyGilmore]

I'm fairly lonely. I don't mind it most days, as I'm used to it. As I get older, most of my friends are in relationships, engaged, have careers in medicine and military. But I fill the void when I can. Between internet, video games, etc., I try not to focus on it. I noticed bad things happen if I do.

[ghouck]

I'm kinda lonely. I don't mind it too much, but a brutha need some 'tang once in a while, if you know what I mean. . .

[akiratubo]

That sounds like clinical depression rather than ordinary loneliness.  I'd consider seeing a doctor if it persists.   

That's how I've been my whole life.  As soon as I get a job and some insurance, I'm getting help.  Had enough of this.

[LilCerberus]

The twelve Step Group Emotions Anonymous went defunct in my town back in 2009, & I miss it.
I don't know about the CODA groups.

I Kind of liked ARTS Anon, be we went through too many long periods where only one person showed up.

They were not only great support, offering different insights on the twelve steps, but they were also a great place to network.

[BTM]

I am very, very lonely.  I don't make friends that easily, for various reasons, and it seems like the people I do have as "friends" aren't really that good.  Right now, one of my friends has been working a new job for the past two months and hasn't called me since then.  I only know this because I've spoken to his aunt (whom he lives with.)  When he was looking for a job, he'd call me once a week wanting to hang out or do something, and now, nothing.  Yeah, I know he's busy (Aunt says he leaves around 8 am and often doesn't come back till late in the evening) but is a five minute phone call so hard?

I'm pretty damn sure if he got fired he'd be calling me the next day, wanting company.  Get the feeling I'm the "last resort" friend with him.

My other "friend" guy I just meet a few weeks ago, only seems to come around when he needs a ride somewhere, and, of course, he never has any money to pay (well, he did the very first time, but since then I've given him like four free trips).  Hell, he was knocking on my damn apartment door this morning and I just pretended not to be home (then he called my number twice during the day.)  I'm a bit of softie when it comes to helping people but this is going to far.

I hate it when I reach out to people, trying to make friends, real friends, and I just get users.  

I work nights at a hotel, so I'm alone at my job for the most part, I get off usually during the middle fo the week when nothings going on, and when there is something, it's usually in the town 45 mins away.

I just feel so tired, sometimes you know?  Like I honestly have nothing to look forward to.  It's hard to keep going sometimes.

[The Burgomaster]

My all-time favorite song on this subject:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkztDzpTHKA

No one captures the feeling like Hank . . .

[Flick James]

I've had moments of lonliness in my life, but in general I'd say I share Rev's tendency to be perfectly happy on my own. I am married and have two sons and, of course, I NEVER feel lonely anymore.

[LilCerberus]

I turn to this one when I feel lonesome
http://youtu.be/ED5s1-Fe9FA

[retrorussell]

I'm kinda lonely. I don't mind it too much, but a brutha need some 'tang once in a while, if you know what I mean. . .

Here ya go Ghouck.

[Paquita]

I used to be really lonely.  I had 2 roommates (one after the other) after high school, but 90% of the time, they were out with their friends or boyfriends and would stay over at their houses and only come home for a few minutes to get a change of clothes.  I was often home alone wondering why my best friends didn't want to hang out with me or invite me to go out with them.  I know my one friend is just flaky and didn't even think of it, but I'm certain the other one just didn't want to "babysit" me while we were out so she hardly ever took me anywhere.  Sometimes my one roommate would bring her friends home and would introduce me like I was some kind of side show attraction: "This is my friend Colleen, she's really shy and doesn't drink or smoke and she's part Indian - I didn't think they existed anymore!-, and she collects horror movies, and hentai comics (I didn't really, I had 2 or 3), plays porn games on the computer and makes the best meat loaf I've ever had!"   Which would usually get a wide-eyed "Ohh-Kayy" response from her friend and I'd just blush and go hide in my room.  I think she meant well, but it didn't help me make friends.

I was so miserable that I'd just go out and take a bus by myself with no real destination just to have something to do and hope I'd meet someone and make a friend, which is pretty dangerous in a big city when you have no sense of direction.  I once took a ride home from a stranger when I got lost.. I was at the point where I didn't even care if I got robbed or stabbed.  I kind of felt like Eleanor from The Haunting, I just wanted SOMETHING to happen to me to remind me that I wasn't invisible. 

I was like this for years until I met my husband, but he was lonely a LOT longer than I was before he met me, so I think I got it easy.  I'm definitely not lonely now.   Sometimes I rush home after work just to get 30 minutes to myself before my family gets home... if I had more time to myself I'd be posting here a LOT more often!
I still wish I had more friends though.  I love my husband, but sometimes I want other people's opinions, or to have people to play games and go places with.  I think there's still hope for you lonely folks!  If we lived closer, I'd hang out with you!

[Rev. Powell]

Sometimes my one roommate would bring her friends home and would introduce me like I was some kind of side show attraction: "This is my friend Colleen, she's really shy and doesn't drink or smoke and she's part Indian - I didn't think they existed anymore!-, and she collects horror movies, and hentai comics (I didn't really, I had 2 or 3), plays porn games on the computer and makes the best meat loaf I've ever had!"   

That description makes you sound like a cool, fascinating person until you got to the "doesn't drink" part.  Oh, and not enough hentai comics.   Freak! 

[Killer Bees]

I hated being lonely even though I'd felt that most of my life. I used to feel lonely, even though I was dating Sean.  I felt like I could never really connect with him.    When his post traumatic stress kicked in, he withdrew from me and I felt worse.

I realised that the only way to not feel lonely is be a best friend to myself.  I reached out to people even though it went against everything that I'd previously done.  I did things that made me happy, things that I'd always wanted to do but never got around to.  I took myself on "dates".  Museum, art gallery, the movies, wandering through the botanical gardens, coffee and a good book at local cafes.  I changed my diet and started walking for fitness.  I even changed jobs, which I should have done 6 months ago.

And I promised myself I would speak to anyone who spoke to me, anyone who smiled at me, I smiled back and made small talk with them.  Slowly, I reconnected with the world and with myself.  I realised that peace and joy come from within.  I let go of my fear of being alone and I found out that I wasn't really alone.  There is a whole world of people out there and they felt like me but it was up to me to change things for myself and hopefully I could change things for others too.

The best thing is, I reconnected with Sean slowly and now we are better than ever.  So the one thing I wanted most - a happy loving relationship with him - I got it and all because I decided to make things better for myself first.

Everything starts and ends with yourself.  It might sound whacked out, but it's a place to start and who knows where it might lead?