I need some encouragement...

BTM · September 14, 2011, 08:02:19 PM

Hey guys, really, really HATE to post this here, especially with all the other stuff that's been going on, but... I don't know. Feel like I've really got no one to talk to.

Basically, the situation is this: as most of you know, I got arrested a few months ago, and was kicked out of my apartment (public housing) so, I had to move back in with my mom (who paid bail.) I appreciate that she let me move in, and that she paid bail and stuff, I really do, but I don't like it here. It's not really her (even though she's never been the most supportive woman in the world) it's just I'm here in a new place, and I've never felt more alone.

I'm scared, a trial date is coming up, and I have no idea what the ultimate outcome will be. I'm lonely, I've got no friends here, the few I had before don't call, I'm bored, there's not much to do other than watch TV and read, got limited access to the internet, my psychologist is in another state, and I just don't know how much longer I can take all this.

I've always struggled with depression and none of this is making it any easier. So often I wish I could just cease to exist. I just don't see a way out. Even if I get parole, I'll still be stuck here in this craphole with no one by my side. I've haven't been able to get a job in the two months I've been here, not sure if there'd be any point cause I have no idea how long I'll even be able to work before I get locked up. I'm trying to do the right thing here and support myself, hate having to sponge off my mom, makes me feel worthless. (Course, I suppose, technically, I'm sponging off my step-dad as she's living off alimony.) And, again, if I do get parole, how much harder will it be to get a job with a felony on my record?

To top it off, I got into a car accident today. My car still drives (so far) but the front end in banged up (can't get the hood open), turn signal light is broken (hopefully just need to replace the bulb) and I'll have to appear in court for that as well (provided I'm not already locked up for the other thing.) Mom was p**sed about that, and the fact I told my Bev (my stepbros wife) that she had a boyfriend (she's worried my stepdad might try to cancel the alimony payments even though I think that'd only happen if they got married).

(sigh)

She didn't even bother to ask me if I was okay after I told her I had had an accident.

Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble, but putting this all out makes me feel a little better. I just wish I could get a small break soon. I'm trying hard to fix my life here, it just seems like nothing's cooperating.

Mofo Rising · September 14, 2011, 09:08:49 PM

I'm not good with encouragement, so I can only offer this, which has always struck me as good advice for tough times:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA&feature=related

Here's hoping things get better for you. Pretty tough now, but keep at it.

WingedSerpent · September 14, 2011, 09:12:14 PM

If venting here makes you feel better, then please go ahead. I want you to know that people here will listen and are pulling for you.

Be strong. You can make it through this.

JaseSF · September 14, 2011, 09:50:50 PM

Sounds like things are far from ideal and I really think you need some counseling (can you get any at all in the area?). Obviously given your recent problems, laying low is probably for the best at least until things get sorted out hopefully for the best. I really hope things turn around for you but looks like you got to get through a challenging time first. You can do it though.

indianasmith · September 14, 2011, 10:06:32 PM

You're a young man with the majority of your life well ahead of you. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them; always try to better yourself. Read incessantly; it's a great escape, and every book you read will teach you something.
Find a hobby or passion to occupy your time and take your mind off your troubles. And remember, there are always people who care about you!

Psycho Circus · September 15, 2011, 03:15:42 AM

Yeah buddy, you can vent here, to us and it's no problem at all. We've all had difficult times at one point or another but I'm pretty sure that you will come through this. You need to remember that although things may seem tough and relentless, that there will be an end to it, hopefully a positive one. You'll be due some good luck, just keep your chin up and don't focus so much on all the negative crap that is happening.

RCMerchant · September 15, 2011, 05:09:45 AM

You can make it,BTM! I know how it feels when it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel-but-believe it or not-there is.
Things WILL get better. THEY WILL GET BETTER. You'd be surprised how life can do a complete 360.
I know my just saying so seems lame,but we care about you-the season will change....winter wont last forever.
Like Indy said...I find much comfort in reading. It's very relaxing and will help take your mind away from the hardships of life.
You can do it,buddy!

Rev. Powell · September 15, 2011, 10:57:13 AM

Quote from: BTM on September 14, 2011, 08:02:19 PM
...my psychologist is in another state...

I suggest getting a new psychologist or therapist that's local to you, even if its only temporary.

Cthulhu · September 15, 2011, 12:06:04 PM

Relax, BTM. The crap will go away.
Until then, keep your head up!

Ed, Ego and Superego · September 15, 2011, 12:24:12 PM

The poo has hit the ventillator a few times in my life and now I'm standing tall and have a great life. From my experience of stuff happenling like this:
1) Shower every day and eat regular meals. Go the hell outside as much as you can. This sounds silly, but its important to live and keep moving forward in your life. If you keep moving and acting normal and civilized you'll wake up one day and BE what you want as normal. The old folks on the board would recognize the term "Keep on Keepin' on". It fits, it really does.
Don't hide and dink around online, play games, or watch TV, get out into reality.
Don't drink your troubles away, it doesn't help. This is double for drugs (but DO take your meds if you got em).
If you get comfort from religion, seek out the church of your choice, be wary of those folks who prey on the down and out. Anything that adds stability and keeps you moving forward is key.

2) I'm not sure where you are in life, but at a guess, I'd say you were pretty young (sorry if I'm wrong) Start working on becoming independent...if you don't have 'em start getting some job skills. Learn software, welding, go to school learn ANYTHING (legal) that will bring in money for yourself, then learn to manage that money. If you have resources all this drama has much less impact on your life. You can just pay the fine or fix the car and get on with your life.

3) Just get through the current mess with as much dignity as possible. You can ALWAYS choose a new future.

Hang in there...
-Ed

tracy · September 15, 2011, 12:29:17 PM

First thing is that you are obviously a decent person who can make it through the tough stuff. I agree that finding local counciling is best for that will give you the vent time/understanding that you need. Please hang in there and be strong....you have plenty to look forward to. Life just sometimes takes a turn through the rough patches.

Jack · September 15, 2011, 12:30:28 PM

It sucks when you don't know what the future has in store so you can't really prepare for it or make any plans. You just have to keep in mind that this will all be over eventually, and you can get on with your life. In the meantime the only advice I can really offer is that worrying about it isn't going to change anything, so you might as well just stay as busy as you can, try to enjoy each day as it comes, and think about other things. Sometimes you've just got to accept the situation as it is and try to make the best of it anyway.

And you can call your friends and talk - you don't have to wait for them to call you

alandhopewell · September 15, 2011, 12:56:09 PM

BTM- Dunno where you are as far as your faith, but I know from my own experience that my relationship with Christ helps me through a whole lotta stuff.

Not gonna preach to you here; I will answer any questions you might have, here, or at

alandhopewell@yahoo.com

Also, my wife and I will keep you and yours in prayer.

AndyC · September 15, 2011, 03:41:46 PM

Not much I can add except that a number of people on this board have had money troubles, legal troubles, family troubles, and struggles with mental illness and substance abuse. When this group says to hang in there and things will get better, it means something.

And I agree with Ed. It's important to stay active and engaged. Even if your heart isn't in it, just go through the motions.

Flick James · September 15, 2011, 03:53:25 PM

One of the positives of the info age is that not only can it lead to online communities of people with whom you share interests, such as this, but it also can help lead you to local communities in the same way. What do you like to do? Search in your local area for places, activities, communities that share those interests, and get involved. Not only will it keep you occupied, but you may find a new friend or two that are less "virtual" than us here.