Unlikely Endings To Popular Movies

[Mr. DS]

The rules of the game, take a famous movie and give it an unlikely ending other than the one that happened.  For example, The Thing:

A group of people find a frozen alien creature that replicates the cells of living beings....thus leading to huge advancements in disease cures and preventions.  Everything from Cancer to Diabetes is found to be reversed with the help of this amazing creature.

The person who responds with the unlikely ending has to provide the first part of the next film plot.  I'll start with Dead Alive:

An older woman gets bitten by a rare species of monkey on the arm........

[Rev. Powell]

...and when she goes to the emergency room, she meets an older man whose been bitten by a rare species of cobra.  They have a good laugh, go out for coffee and start a relationship---after both of them thought love had passed them by!

THE SADIST:

Three schoolteachers have car trouble in the desert and go to an eerily abandoned junkyard to look for parts....

[claws]

... but all they find are doll parts. So in the end they open their own toy store and call it Mattel  (sorry, never seen The Sadists).

THE SHINING

A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil and spiritual presence influences the father into violence ...

[Mr. DS]

...so the famly ends up calling a medium who contacts the spirit and sends it into the light thus leaving the family to some much needed rest and alone time.

Titanic

A young woman engaged to a wealthy snobish man takes voyage on an illfated ship.  There she meets a young man full of life yet somewhat poor...

[Rev. Powell]

Off topic:

(sorry, never seen The Sadists).

See, and here I thought you had seen everything?

THE SADIST (with Arch Hall, Jr., based in the Starkweather murders) is a must see in my book!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82MVFDEV_Vs

[retrorussell]

And the ship collides with an iceberg.  This disturbs a colony of polar bears, who come down off the iceberg and eat everybody.  The movie ends with the polar bears celebrating over some Coca-Cola.

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)

Miners are blasted by a methane explosion and buried under rubble.  One of the miners, Harry Warden, is rescued and heads off to a town dance to get revenge on the supervisors who left their posts before checking the methane levels..

[akiratubo]

Miners are blasted by a methane explosion and buried under rubble.  One of the miners, Harry Warden, is rescued and heads off to a town dance to get revenge on the supervisors who left their posts before checking the methane levels...

... which he does by suing them.  The resulting court case results in a complete overhaul of mining safety and improvements in working conditions.

THE CAR (1977)

A car terrorizes a Utah community.  The sheriff reluctantly comes to believe that the car may be driven by the Devil himself ...

[Rev. Powell]

THE CAR (1977)

A car terrorizes a Utah community.  The sheriff reluctantly comes to believe that the car may be driven by the Devil himself ...

...so he enters it in the county demolition derby, kicks ass, and uses the winnings to pay for an operation to restore his granddaughter's sight.

THE SEVENTH SEAL (1957)

A knight returns from the Crusades to find his homeland engulfed in the Black Death.  Death comes for him, but he challenges the Grim Reaper to a game of chess...

[Criswell]

.....In which the knight wins, and then moves to a plague free place.

Seven Samurai

Seven wandering samurai are hired by a village of peasants to defend them against a group of bandits. The bandits attack.....

[AndyC]

Seven Samurai

Seven wandering samurai are hired by a village of peasants to defend them against a group of bandits. The bandits attack.....

And after defeating the seven samurai, they begin their reign of terror. However, the bandits are soon won over by the wonderful townsfolk, and mend their evil ways.

Demon Seed

A supercomputer kidnaps its creator's wife as part of its plan to become human....

[Mr. DS]

thus cuing up the hilarity of the computer trying to understand women's problems.  The computer eventually shrugs it's shoulders thus deciding being human is way too challenging. 

Planet Of The Apes

A group of astronauts after a long space voyage land on a planet where Apes are in control and humans are like wild animals....

[retrorussell]

And at the end, the humans are all caged and throwing poop at each other.

MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE
A lost family of three meet a satyr with Tourette's Syndrome and are allowed to stay at his "Master"'s abode for the night..

[claws]

MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE
A lost family of three meet a satyr with Tourette's Syndrome and are allowed to stay at his "Master"'s abode for the night..

after a delicious breakfast prepared by Manos the lost family of three adopt the satyr with Tourette's Syndrome and move to Disney World.

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE

An aspiring writer is repeatedly gang-raped, humiliated, and left for dead by four men ...

[retrorussell]

Who then tell her, "April Fools!".  She is not amused and murders them all by castration and sells their privates to the Oscar Mayer company.

CHINATOWN: A private eye in the 40s falls for a woman who wants to reclaim her daughter from her father.  There is more than meets the eye to this case..

[claws]

Who then tell her, "April Fools!".  She is not amused and murders them all by castration and sells their privates to the Oscar Mayer company.

That's pretty much the original ending