Unlikely Endings To Popular Movies

Rev. Powell · September 27, 2011, 09:12:38 AM

Quote from: retrorussell on September 27, 2011, 02:53:33 AM

CHINATOWN: A private eye in the 40s falls for a woman who wants to reclaim her daughter from her father. There is more than meets the eye to this case..

...when he finds out who is going to be his "partner" on the case: a 100 pound chimp named Bobo with a severe flatulence problem!

THE MANSTER (1959): An American reporter in Japan is sent to interview an eccentric Japanese scientist working on bizarre experiments in his mountain laboratory...

AndyC · September 27, 2011, 10:24:09 AM

The scientist's attempts to create a monster prove futile, but when the reporter accidentally mixes two chemicals, he creates a potent aphrodisiac. The wacky mismatched duo foil the plans of an unscrupulous businessman to steal the formula and go into business together.

Smokey and the Bandit

A legendary trucker takes a bet that he can transport a truckload of bootleg beer in record time. However, picking up a hitchhiker makes him the target of a relentless Texas sheriff with a personal score to settle.

akiratubo · September 27, 2011, 11:01:15 AM

Quote from: AndyC on September 27, 2011, 10:24:09 AMA legendary trucker takes a bet that he can transport a truckload of bootleg beer in record time. However, picking up a hitchhiker makes him the target of a relentless Texas sheriff with a personal score to settle.

During the ensuing car chase, the sheriff learns that he has an illegitimate, mixed-race son he never knew about, thus causing him to reevaluate his lifelong racial prejudice. The sheriff calls off the chase so that he can attend his son's dance-off, instead.

Shane

A mysterious drifter shows up in a western town, quickly making friends with a young boy's family. Unfortunately, the local evil land baron calls in a hit-man to take out the new arrival ...

retrorussell · September 27, 2011, 02:32:05 PM

The hit man is none other than Howie Long of Raiders fame, while the stranger is none other than Shane Conlan of Buffalo Bills fame! The evil land baron is none other than Jay Schroeder, quarterback of the Raiders. Conlan sacks him repeatedly and proceeds to Super Bowl XXV, where he and the town (who have become Bills fans) ALMOST live happily ever after.

NEXT:
BLOODY BIRTHDAY
Children born during a lunar eclipse are not as innocent as they seem..

Mr. DS · September 27, 2011, 09:49:33 PM

which leads to a crazy rumpus in the local toy store amongst other hilarious moments making it the feel good hit of the summer! Critics rave that this is a "laugh a minute" family comedy. Don't be left in the dark, see it today!

Lethal Weapon

Two police officers with completely different styles are teamed up to help solve a crime.....

akiratubo · September 27, 2011, 09:59:20 PM

Quote from: DS on September 27, 2011, 09:49:33 PMLethal Weapon

Two police officers with completely different styles are teamed up to help solve a crime.....

... but they both die when a seemingly indestructible man in a leather jacket assaults the police station with a variety of weapons, searching for someone named "Sarah Connor".

Poltergeist

A young family moves into a new home, only to find out that it is haunted by angry spirits who kidnap the youngest daughter ...

Mr. DS · September 27, 2011, 10:07:00 PM

and in a twist ending that only M. Knight Shamalongadingdong can deliver, it turns out the spirits were never actually there. Rather they were the manifest of the youngest daughter's imagination inside an insane asylum which in her mind was her family's home. In another odd twist, it turns out she was an orphan all along.

Cool Runnings

Four Jamaican guys with the help of a portly coach train to be bobsled racers for the Olympics.........

JaseSF · September 27, 2011, 11:35:41 PM

but then change their mind instead becoming a successful pro wrestling stable and the coach their manager.

The Village:

A villager from a tight-knit isolated community with a secret dares to venture into the woods, hoping to obtain needed medical supplies, despite rumors of evil creatures lurking there...

akiratubo · September 28, 2011, 02:16:43 AM

Quote from: JaseSF on September 27, 2011, 11:35:41 PMA villager from a tight-knit isolated community with a secret dares to venture into the woods, hoping to obtain needed medical supplies, despite rumors of evil creatures lurking there...

... and she meets one of these monsters, which turns out to be a sentient monster truck. It needs a human to pretend to drive it so that it can enter monster truck events and earn money. The villager agrees to this and she and the truck become rich and famous. The villager returns to the village with the medicine and the truck becomes friends with everyone in the village, who no longer fear it.

Commando

A ex-super-soldier's daughter is kidnapped by a tin-pot dictator, who forces the soldier to eliminate one of his political rivals ...

Mr. DS · September 28, 2011, 06:29:20 AM

after gathering weapons on the way to the enemy's secret base he gets gunned down by the first group of soldiers he encounters. One man against a small army...yeah right.

Twilight

A young teenager girl meets and falls for a young man who happens to be from a family of vampires....

AndyC · September 28, 2011, 07:54:15 AM

Her naive romantic notions are quickly crushed when the family attempts to devour her. After a narrow escape, she teams up with a grizzled old vampire hunter and returns to kick some serious ass.

Megaforce

A besieged country enlists the aid of a high-tech secret army to battle a band of mercenaries...

akiratubo · October 02, 2011, 10:45:17 PM

... but the mercenaries turn out to be gorilla aliens from a dying solar system who have come to conquer Earth with a giant, robot lizard of vast power. Why they pretended to be mercenaries at all is unclear but does that really matter when the movie ends with a giant, robot lizard blowing up all the major cities of the world?

Terminator 2

Two naked men from the future appear in 1991 Los Angeles and begin searching for a young boy ...

dean · October 03, 2011, 02:24:18 AM

Quote from: akiratubo on October 02, 2011, 10:45:17 PM

Terminator 2

Two naked men from the future appear in 1991 Los Angeles and begin searching for a young boy ...

Oh come on man, that's just mean phrasing...

Ok I'll give it a shot sans the obvious:

When they find him they take him to a TV studio and make a show called 2 and a Half men. Everyone cries into their piles of money as to the shams they have become.

Gigli:

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez star in a movie noone watches...

JaseSF · October 03, 2011, 11:05:36 PM

until a new director's cut is revealed with Lopez completely nekkid.

20 Million Miles to Earth:

An alien egg brought back to Earth grows into a Venusian giant monster that terrorizes Rome after being poked quite too often with a stick...

AndyC · October 04, 2011, 09:15:19 AM

The people of Rome take pity on the poor creature and bring it pasta, which it seems to like. Once fed and given some space, it proves quite gentle. The townsfolk adopt the lovable beast and convince the authorities it has gone elsewhere.

The Great Escape

Allied POWs in a supposedly escape-proof camp plan a mass escape by tunneling.