Screwing up my relationship: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

[wickednick]

My girlfriend really hates one of my long time friends and I know my friend isn't exactly fond of her either. This weekend I told her something my friend said and she kinda flipped. She says she's not trying to make me make a choice between her and my friend, but her actions are making that difficult. I work with the guy and he's one of the few people I hang out with, so not being friends with him anymore isn't exactly an appealing option.She also says I'm not willing to defend her and that I hang around jerks that don't deserve my respect.

I'm not sure what  to do. Me and my friend have been getting into some big arguments recently and me and my girlfriend don't always see eye to eye either, I feel kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[Psycho Circus]

How long have you been with her?

[wickednick]

year and a half. We've had a lot of disagreement during that time, but I love the girl to.

[Flick James]

Well, I can tell you right now, defending your lady is exactly where you should start. I don't care what anybody says, despite society's best efforts to equalize the genders in the workplace, women still want a man who will defend her. My wife is about as independent as they come, having moved out when she was 18 and took care of herself all her life. Despite this, she still wants a man who will defend her.

So, I suggest that's where you start. The best compromise you can make based on your story is to keep your friend but become a defender of your lady. If that for any reason causes friction between you and your buddy, then that's tough s**t for him and he's going to have to find a way to deal with it if he wants to remain your friend.

All of this, of course, depends on how much you want to be with her. Sometimes you just have to make a choice.

[ulthar]

All of this, of course, depends on how much you want to be her. Sometimes you just have to make a choice.

Um, isn't that a separate conversation?   

but I love the girl

On the serious side, there comes a time when a relationship becomes a decision.  It doesn't "just happen."  Despite Disney Princess Movies, Hollywood in general and a whole heap of pop culture, "love" is not an "emotion," it is an active decision.

Throughout the New Testament of The Bible, the word used for "love" was an action verb.  Love is something you "do," or "show," not something you "feel."  Yeah, maybe you "feel" it first, in the early stages of a relationship, but then it grows up.

If you make the decision that this girl is who you want to spend your life with, and her side sounds reasonable to me from what you've written, that let your actions bear out that decision...both your actions to her and ABOUT HER to others bear out that decision.

You and the people you describe will remain in my thoughts.

[Flick James]

All of this, of course, depends on how much you want to be her. Sometimes you just have to make a choice.

Um, isn't that a separate conversation?   

but I love the girl

On the serious side, there comes a time when a relationship becomes a decision.  It doesn't "just happen."  Despite Disney Princess Movies, Hollywood in general and a whole heap of pop culture, "love" is not an "emotion," it is an active decision.

Throughout the New Testament of The Bible, the word used for "love" was an action verb.  Love is something you "do," or "show," not something you "feel."  Yeah, maybe you "feel" it first, in the early stages of a relationship, but then it grows up.

If you make the decision that this girl is who you want to spend your life with, and her side sounds reasonable to me from what you've written, that let your actions bear out that decision...both your actions to her and ABOUT HER to others bear out that decision.

You and the people you describe will remain in my thoughts.

Edited.