You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

[alandhopewell]

People who state....and state....and state....the bloody freakin' obvious! "It's hot outside" . Yes,this is July in Texas so why expect any different. Or "it's raining" or "it's cold" or "it's windy". Believe it or not I do notice these things. I don't mind conversations with my customers at all but simply telling me something I've already heard 100 times already that day is tiresome.  

I've never understood the point of talking about the current weather with somebody who is right there, experiencing it too. The only reason for the topic's popularity I can think of is that it might be the only recent experience you know you have in common with someone. That's it. To me, that equals nothing to talk about. The weather might play a part in a more interesting story, but just stating what it's doing right now to somebody who obviously knows, or giving a pointless opinion of it, just strikes me as needless talk for talk's sake. A lot of people don't understand how bothersome small talk can be to those of us who are more introverted, or even suffer from social anxiety.

"Talk for talk's sake"...that sounds about right to me. Oddly enough,even though I work at a convenience store where I have to talk to people constantly it still makes me a bit uncomfortable. I've learned to do it out of necessity. I joke with my husband and call it my "fake nice" but it's not that fake. I am a fairly pleasant person but redundant conversations or ones with folks I'm not used to sometimes make me uneasy.

    Even as a child, I never understood saying something inane to "make conversation". 4-X, guy A is walking across the supermarket parking lot, carrying bags of groceries, and Guy B says,

    "BEEN SHOPPIN', HUH?"
   
Why not just say "hello", or ask an actual, real question?

[JaseSF]

I think at times people just aren't sure what to say or talk about so state the obvious especially if someone is nervous and not used to much conversation. Sometimes I suspect it's just a need and or desire to try and be friendly with someone, to make small talk but then realizing one actually doesn't have anything significant to talk about with said person or one also sometimes wonders if the person even wants to actually talk to anyone else at all. Yeah I'm sure it can be annoying though.

[AndyC]

I can understand small talk. Don't like it. Can't do it very well, but I get it. You're in a social situation, or you're doing some business, and a little friendly interaction seems appropriate. Many people find it comforting, although I wish more would understand that this is not true for everyone. I get that.

What always throws me for a loop is when I'm in a public place by myself, not doing anything with anyone, and some random stranger spontaneously starts talking to me. I mean just out of the blue starts talking to me like I'm an old friend. That startles me, and I'm sure it must show, because it takes me a couple of seconds to even register what's going on. Then I mumble some kind of "Yep, sure is" response before casually putting some distance between myself and the crazy person.

[indianasmith]

Sure is hot outside today . . . .

[tracy]

Sure is hot outside today . . . .

Indy,if I knew the way to your house...

[alandhopewell]

     When I press the center of my palm with my middle finger, over and over, and nothing happens....then, I remember I don't own a pair of webshooters.

[Leah]

     When I press the center of my palm with my middle finger, over and over, and nothing happens....then, I remember I don't own a pair of webshooters.

psst, it's the middle and ring finger .

[Leah]

In Facebook, I'm still seeing sponsors under comments when clicked on a photo. I have AdBlock and Greasemonkey. I really want to give Zuckberg a major head ache with my mallet.

[ulthar]

I can understand small talk. Don't like it.

Me either.  Ditto my wife.

We get into social situations due to her job that 'require' small talk and it just grates on both of us.  I think over the years I've learned to do it, in small doses, but man I've got to admit...it tires me out.  I feel "drained" after these meetings/parties.

Many people find it comforting,

This is interesting.

We just recently took a longish flight.  Sitting behind my wife was a pair of folks, a man and a woman (who did not know each other), that DID NOT SHUT UP the entire flight.  That's several hours.  Yap, yap, yap.  My wife was making "aren't they yapping a lot" faces at me, and I had to agree.

They were driving me crazy.

Talking about...nothing.  At least, nothing of importance to ME/US.

Yap, yap, yap.

I found it particularly interesting that they did not even trade names until AFTER the plane landed!  Wow.  A couple of hours talking about {whatever} and no names, then when upon landing, all of a sudden the "who are you" or "what are you called" becomes important?

I quipped after we deplaned about listening to "the first date."  My wife laughed and said, "yeah, that's exactly what it sounded like."

At some point in all this, I wondered, "hey, I wonder if they are just scared of flying and yammering incessantly about nothing comforts them."  Could be.

I happen to believe that we are not fundamentally social creatures...at least, not all of us are.  Far fewer than most think, in fact.  I hate that so many people seem to treat "shyness" as a disease.  Well, couldn't the endless, mindless, soulless banter about NOTHING be the disease, and those of us that just kinda go our own way be the normaler set?  Why not?

Yap.  Yap. Yap.

[indianasmith]

Reminds me of the STAR TREK TNG episode where Data learned the art of small talk!
Me, I'm a social critter.  Love to talk to anyone about anything.

[ulthar]

Me, I'm a social critter.  Love to talk to anyone about anything.

Key word there is "about."

Small Talk by definition is pointless banter.  It's goal is not to communicate anything directly.  It does serve to express friendliness, I suppose, but that can be communicated via non-verbal clues, or, uh, just saying directly something like "I'm not going to attack you, I want to be friends."   

I have for the past couple of months been fascinated by the notion of what we (humans) must look like to aliens orbiting the earth.  An image of nattering birds comes to mind....we sit around and make (apparently) incomprehensible noises at each other.  Once it's translated as "language," it's no less pointless because it's not communicating anything.  I'm talking about watching a room full of people in knots of 2 or 3 just yammering on...

"Talking" as a social function is pretty useless.  It's also harmless, so if one enjoys it that's fine.  The problem arises for those of us that do not enjoy it, and are often (explicitly or implicitly) denigrated for not liking "small talk."

The other alien image I had recently came while trying to negotiate my way to the proper gate at a busy airport.  "We must look like ants scurrying on an anthill," I thought.  It was, in a way, surreal.

[AndyC]

A good deal of the time, I think people are just uncomfortable with silence. I'm even uncomfortable with silence, but only because I've been taught to make the same assumption that talking to people equals being friendly. Maybe it is friendly, but the flipside of that assumption is that remaining silent is unfriendly. It's not fun being accused of hating someone because you give them the same space you would like to be given.

And even if it isn't taken as hostile, it can be taken as abnormal. That's where you have the people who take pity on you and try like hell to coax you out of your shell.

Now, I admit I suffer from social anxiety, but I don't believe that necessarily goes hand-in-hand with being an introvert. And that's what it boils down to - people are wired differently when it comes to social interaction. There are extroverts, who get pleasure and stimulation from interacting with people, and there are introverts, for whom that same interaction is work. That doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable, but it does require effort and it does wear us out. We need some time to ourselves to recharge. It's little wonder we can resent expending that energy on something of no real value. Small talk, to an introvert, is social busywork.

Introversion is normal. The problem comes when extroverts assume everyone is supposed to feel as they do. I would say the opposite is also true, but I don't think it is. Society is far more biased toward extroversion as a virtue.

[Mr. DS]

Have I mentioned watchers on EBay...yeah, f-them.

[Zapranoth]

What grinds my gears?  Tanking matches in a sport.  Yeah, I know it's not unique to the Olympics.   Nonetheless.

[alandhopewell]

Reminds me of the STAR TREK TNG episode where Data learned the art of small talk!
Me, I'm a social critter.  Love to talk to anyone about anything.

    I do, as well ; discussions, debate,  but prolonged exposure to people, particularly large groups of strangers, drains me emotionally; I hate it, 'cause people tend to think of me as "stuck-up" because I don't socialize, but there it is.