POOP/PEE/BLOOD/ETC. CLEANUP HORROR STORIES!

[Jack]

When I worked at the Dairy Queen in high school, someone tossed the entire roll of toilet paper into the men's room toilet - then pooped on it!
I was NOT a happy camper that evening!

I'm really sorry about that Indy, I was young and extremely immature at the time 

[Trevor]

When I worked at the Dairy Queen in high school, someone tossed the
entire roll of toilet paper into the men's room toilet - then pooped on
it!
I was NOT a happy camper that evening!

I'm really sorry about that Indy, I was young and extremely immature at
the time 

LOL

[RCMerchant]

Back in 2007,on Halloween,my stepson Jim took a whole mess of pills some punk gave him-to get high-and he ended up s**ting himself- he almost-ALMOST- made it to the bathroom-he had diarreha all over the dam bathroom-even on the f**king walls.
He went to the hospital and got his stomach pumped-I pumped my own stomach a few times cleaning it up. Ugh. 

[HappyGilmore]

So, I work in a restaurant.  Some customer had bad diarrhea.  They made it to the restroom, but after they went...well...they pooped themselves leaving the restroom.  It literally trailed out of the restaurant to the parking lot.  The manager was like "It's gotta get cleaned up."  I looked, gagged, and promptly said "Hey, I'm not the busboy."  And walked away.  Took the poor busboy an hour to sanitize everything.

[cqmorrell]

Not so much a cleanup story, more of a discovery story ...

When I was a kid (back in the late 90s or so) there was a K-Mart in my hometown, with a Little Caesar's joint inside. One time I had to go quite badly, so I ducked inside there to relieve myself. In the first stall I came across, someone left a truly gigantic amount of fecal matter in the bowl, and tried to cover it with a BASEBALL CAP. Yes, a @#$%ing baseball cap, like they thought hiding the problem would solve it.

I never went back in that restroom again.

[The Burgomaster]

the seller had a few large pimples on the back of his neck, which he would surreptitiously squeeze the pus out of and then covertly wipe his fingers on the bun before he handed it to the buyer. 

Technically, he could have charged extra for this, but he didn't.  I think he should be applauded.

[The Burgomaster]

In the first stall I came across, someone left a truly gigantic amount of fecal matter in the bowl, and tried to cover it with a BASEBALL CAP.

Which team?

[Trevor]

the seller had a few large pimples on the back of his neck, which he would surreptitiously squeeze the pus out of and then covertly wipe his fingers on the bun before he handed it to the buyer. 

Technically, he could have charged extra for this, but he didn't.  I think he should be applauded.

It's amazing that this occurred thirty years ago: just thinking about it grosses me out. 

[claws]

Drawing a blank. Can't think of a gross cleanup story except for the common little toilet accident cleanup. When I was a teen I did leave behind a "package" on the floor in a public men's rest room on my way to a fair. This was a total emergency situation. It was either "filling" my pants or find a quick spot to unload. This men's rest room was just a tiny building with no front door and no toilets inside, just urinals. Imagine hundreds of people heading to a fair walking by the men's rest room with me squatting inside taking an emergency dump on the floor. ANYONE could have just walked in, but lucky me nobody did. Fastest dump ever.

[cqmorrell]

In the first stall I came across, someone left a truly gigantic amount of fecal matter in the bowl, and tried to cover it with a BASEBALL CAP.

Which team?

Man, it's been years, I don't really remember.

[alandhopewell]

     I worked in the Housekeeping Department at the Marriott Hotel in downtown Cleveland for a few years back in the 90's. In '95, I was assigned to work the Jaycees annual Valentine's Day Party; I noted that the older associates referred to the event as "the Jaycee's annual drink-n-drown", but I didn't discover why until the night of the event. 

     These people spent the entire evening doing three things-drinking, throwing up, and drinking some more....one woman I personally assisted in cleaning up after seven times, the last time as she was being poured into a taxi at the front entrance.

     They threw up EVERYWHERE, sparing the ceiling only by the grace of gravity.
To call the evening a nightmare would be a kindness.

     I called in sick every Valentine's Day after that.

[ChaosTheory]

Puke Story:
Freshman year - my roommate and the two next door to us wanted to have a party & they declared, only half-kidding, that they were bound and determined to get me drunk (I guess I came across as a prude, oh well). My roomy scored a bottle of vodka from somewhere and we drank screwdrivers in our room all night.
Now here's the thing: vodka barely affects me, as I knew even back then. (for some reason I have a crazy-high tolerance for hard liquor but not wine or beer) So they got wasted while I was fine  BUT - the two neighbors eventually got toasted enough that it reversed gears and who got stuck cleaning it up before the RA caught us? The one who was sober enough to comprehend it 
The lesson I learned from that is, never be the one whose house/room the drinking happens in.

[Newt]

A 'cleanup' of a different sort: a story a fellow archaeology student told me.  He was on a dig in England. It was some sort of castle site and he ended up being the lucky candidate excavating a rather deep cesspit.  (Well, truth be told, he was a particularly annoying personality and none of us listening had any doubt he was assigned the task deliberately!)  The capper being that once he had slaved away and had dug down into the pit (he was quite a short individual, as well) another crew member made a point of standing at the edge and reading aloud from a recent journal article that noted pathogens had been found to endure in such contexts.  I believe the germ in question was plague...the site dated to that era.   

[Trevor]

A 'cleanup' of a different sort: a story a fellow archaeology student told me.  He was on a dig in England. It was some sort of castle site and he ended up being the lucky candidate excavating a rather deep cesspit.

That reminds me of the unfortunately little seen police thriller The Last of The Finest (1990) where the honest cops hide drug money in a cesspit and when the crooked politicians attempt to retrieve it: BOOM! Nice stuff everywhere!  

[Zapranoth]

When I was a CNA in training, one of the residents "finger painted" her bed rails, as we called it.  The aide training me helped clean it, but she couldn't bear to brush the resident's teeth, you see...   Because her teeth needed brushing, from eating while doing said fingerpainting.   She asked me to do it, because she tried to do it once and almost tossed her cookies, so I did.  I would hold my breath, because to brush feces out of a demented old woman's mouth, you have to lean close enough to smell her breath.

And as they said in Creepshow...   You just... Have to hold...  Yourrrrrrr....  Brrrreath!