Florida Man: "You should arrest Jesus because he's the one . . ."

[indianasmith]

A married couple in Florida, Tito and Amanda Watts, were arrested a few days ago for selling "golden tickets to heaven" to hundreds of people.

They sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold, and that each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven — simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you're in.


Tito Watts said in his police statement: "I don't care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold... And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he'd take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that's made entirely of drugs. You should arrest Jesus because he's the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I'm willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up...."

Amanda Watts said in her police statement:" "We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and do drugs. I didn't do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched."

Police said they confiscated over $10,000 in cash, drug paraphernalia, and a baby alligator.

[sprite75]

I got this.

http://youtu.be/xiTM2HQ0g98

[indianasmith]

I kind of feel sorry for the baby alligator in this scenario.

[etmoviesb]

Wait, if violence is not involved it means there are at least 100 idiots who actually bought that "tickets"?

[Rev. Powell]

Another fake story: http://jacksonville.suntimes.com/jax-news/7/115/146332/couple-arrested-selling-golden-tickets-heaven. The newspaper that ran it as a real story had to print a retraction.

What the hell are they teaching in journalism school these days? You just reprint somebody's blog post without bothering to check if the story is real or if it's a satirical site?

[BoyScoutKevin]

Wait, if violence is not involved it means there are at least 100 idiots who actually bought that "tickets"?

While I did find the story humorous, there are so many questions this story raises, such as . . .

That's what gets me, and how am I  suppose to get the ticket to heaven, when I die, as I very well may be naked, when I get to heaven?

And if I gave the man a C note for the ticket, would he give me back a penny in change?

Why KFC? Why not McDonald's or some other hamburger franchise?

Does that mean that Christ has started eating healthier?

How did he know it was Christ who gave him the tickets? Well, I guess that one is answerable, but . . .?

If Christ came up to me on the street in the city, where I live, would I know it was Jesus?

How can you set up someone who is all-knowing, wouldn't He know that you were wearing a wire?

And aliens from outer space are now called Stevie?

But . . .?! After the laughs come the tears. I can't help but feel sorry for the people selling the tickets, the people buying the tickets, for how can anybody that stupid manage to survive in the everyday world? And . . . yes . . . I especially feel sorry for the baby alligator. Though, I imagine he is now going to a better home someplace in Florida. Maybe Walt Disney Word, where they have pulled alligators, some of good size, out of the resort pools and out of the waters that are accessible to the guests, and taken them, the alligators, not the guests, to areas of the World that are inaccessible to the public.

Even, if the story is false, as it appears to be, it is one heck of a story. Though, it does give me some hope for Floridians, excluding journalists. Maybe they are not as dumb as they appear to be. Till the next true story from Florida.

[Flangepart]

Wait, if violence is not involved it means there are at least 100 idiots who actually bought that "tickets"?

While I did find the story humorous, there are so many questions this story raises, such as . . .

That's what gets me, and how am I  suppose to get the ticket to heaven, when I die, as I very well may be naked, when I get to heaven? "A neck chain might do the trick.

And if I gave the man a C note for the ticket, would he give me back a penny in change? Unlikely, as the Galactic banks won't deal in such fiddling small change.

Why KFC? Why not McDonald's or some other hamburger franchise?Chickens are closer to Ghod than cows. Wings ya know.

Does that mean that Christ has started eating healthier?No need. Spirit beings do not put on the pounds.

How did he know it was Christ who gave him the tickets? Well, I guess that one is answerable, but . . .?Must have had one great I.D. card.

If Christ came up to me on the street in the city, where I live, would I know it was Jesus?Not really. That great I.D. card ain't real unless the expiration date says 'Never.'

How can you set up someone who is all-knowing, wouldn't He know that you were wearing a wire?Yeah, which means you'd just be yankin' their chain.

And aliens from outer space are now called Stevie?That's a mistranslation. It's supposed to be 'Stewie' but The Bable Fish program hates Fox Entertainment TV.

Yeah, it's a cool story...and ya know what makes it work? It's BELIEVEABLE! Now That's scary!

[sprite75]

Well when it comes to Florida Man and Florida Woman just about anything is believable.

I was wondering if the golden tickets to heaven looked like this?



After all about 500 years ago the church sold these to people by the boatload. 

[indianasmith]

Thanks for indulging us with that! 

[sprite75]

Thanks for indulging us with that! 

You're welcome.

[Jack]

The only thing I found suspicious about that was that he sold 100 tickets - but they didn't mention running an ad in the National Enquirer.