TMI Thread

[Olivia Bauer]

...This may not be a good idea.
I mean we've made jokes about Trevor's skid marks, what's the worst that could happen?
...Geeze. I don't want to go first just to have the thread fail and this is just me confessing something gross.
This could be really funny or morbidly embarrassing.

I guess I'll start small. This is old news but for a while, like a month ago, I had a lump under my armpit.
I immediately got worried since the first thing I thought of was "Tumor". I know that's not likely but it was a bit of a scare anyway.

I went to the doctor to have it examined, thankfully it was just MRSA. I had it lanced and it was the most horrific thing I've seen happen to my own body. I could feel blood, pus, and some fluid the doctor used dripping down my pit. Even after the fact it wasn't gone.

Getting a flu shot is s**tty but when you've got someone sticking you with a needle and moving it around for, like, ten minutes it's not a fun time. It's gone, thankfully.

Anyway, if this thread stays alive I'll post more stuff. I kinda like being able to talk about things most people don't want to hear. If you also like doing that you could try the Candid app. It's totally anonymous. But I like confiding in people I know.

[retrorussell]

I remember I once had a greatly swelled blood vessel in my crotch just barely above my dingle.  I would be in pain every time I moved my lower body.  So I stabbed it with a pin and drained out as much blood as I could.  It went back down to normal and I didn't have any more pain.  Saved myself a doctor trip.  That was fairly icky.

[javakoala]

I had this weird lump come up on my back. Started out like a pimple, but it was in just the perfect spot that I could not reach it. I kinda ignored it.

One day, someone asked me if I had something on under my shirt. Not that I knew of. I went home and looked and the thing was bigger around than a half dollar coin and stood out over an inch. I started calling it my flesh monkey.

I had a doctor's appointment scheduled, so I figured I would just wait and have the doctor look at it. It didn't hurt, so, meh, I didn't do anything about it. Finally, the day of the appointment arrived. I mentioned it to my doctor, and she said "Let's have a look."

She was shocked it wasn't causing me pain. When she lanced it and squeezed, it was packed with this weird and very thin skin-like substance that came out almost like a knotted up ribbon. Since the thing had grown so large, she had to pack the thing with sterile cotton or something to keep it from filling up with fluids and becoming infected.

It took a while, but the skin tightened back up. She removed the stuff she packed in there, and it finally healed up nicely.

That is the story of my flesh monkey.

Next time: The story of my bowel disorder. AND I HAVE PICTURES!!!!!!!!  Just kidding. No story and no pictures.

[indianasmith]

I had an ingrown hair in a most awkward place one time.  It had curled up on itself just under my skin until it looked like a small black washer, about 1/8" across, just visible under the surface.  Because of the sensitive location, I held off doing something about it, but finally I managed to dig through the skin enough to grab it with the tweezers and it slowly uncurled as it pulled out - it was nearly 2" long!!!!   

[Trevor]

...This may not be a good idea.
I mean we've made jokes about Trevor's skid marks, what's the worst that could happen?

What's the worst that could happen? This: I could make more skid marks 

[Trevor]

I had maxilla-facial surgery in 2006, mostly to do with my teeth and it was a three hour operation: thankfully my folks were there with me.

The result was that because of that op, I bled so badly and so profusely that I had to be given blood (instead of donating it as I usually do) and the sheets and pillowcase on my bed in the hospital needed to be changed. 

I also had to cover my pillow and I bled through the towels: I only stopped drooling blood three days later! 

[Trevor]

When I was a teen, I had bad acne: so bad in fact, that my skin doc called it "cystic acne" as I had things that resembled boils on my face and the scars remain.  *

The doc decided to get rid of the worst of them, handed me a water cooler cup and told me to hold it under my chin. One triple needle injection later, the small cup was almost full of dark pus and blood. Gross    

*This is why I don't have pics of myself as a teen.

[ER]

Just as I suspected, all men have cooties.

[Olivia Bauer]

Okay. So I'm going to get a little deeper in the TMI pool since I've seen good responses so far.

I found out I have prostatitis. Basically my prostate becomes inflamed in the worst possible spot.
Basically due to the inflammation I always felt like I needed to pee even after I did.
This didn't bother me, I just kind of assumed the rest will come out later so I just go about my day.
But that isn't the TMI part.
The inflammation is at this kind of crossroads in my body that leads to the urethra.
One tube goes from the urethra to the bladder to expel waste...

...The other tube went to my balls.

Now here's the issue. My prostatitis come from me sitting on my ass all day. The urologist
told me to go out at get exercise, which I never do in the winter. I'm already going through
seasonal depression because I can't go on walks like I usually do, so I'm stuck waiting for spring.

Like I said the sensation like I wasn't finished urinating didn't bother me. Here's the part that REALLY sucks.
Unless I get rid of EVERY LAST DROP of p**s then any orgasm I have will be instantly ruined.
So let me put it like this for all of the men out there. How would you feel if you knew that until spring comes you're going to get blue-balled by your own body.
...Yup.

This is nowhere near my worst TMI thing though. But I think I'll spare your sanity and my dignity by not going into the really bad stuff.
...Unless someone goes somewhere that deep before I do. Then I may just share. 

[Olivia Bauer]

...Welp. Looks like that was nasty enough to kill it.

[Trevor]

I think I've said this before but I had a very gross experience in high school in 1984: every day at Chaplin High, Gweru, Zimbabwe, a pushcart driver would come at break time and sell warm Chelsea buns and cold Cokes to the students: delicious and refreshing.

After about a week of this, my friend Aaron pulled me off to one side and told me that I shouldn't buy from this guy at all. I asked why and he told me to go stand behind the driver to see what he did before he sold the buns to the kids.

I stood behind the guy and noticed that he had some very large pimples on his neck which he would regularly squeeze the pus out of and covertly wipe his fingers on the bun before he handed it over.  

That was in 1984, I haven't eaten a Chelsea bun since. Wonder why?  

[Paquita]

Sometimes I pass out, or almost pass out, when I have really big poops or diarrhea.  When it's really bad, I have had to faintly call for my husband to fetch me water and watch me to make sure I don't fall over and crack my head open.  I think I might really die on the toilet one day.

[indianasmith]

Our downstairs toilet doesn't really flush like it should.  It will pull "sinkers" on through the pipe, albeit slowly, but "floaters" just sit and swim around until the disintegrate or until I break them up with a plunger.  I referred to these Malodorous Floating Objects as "Bismarcks," but my wife informed me in no uncertain terms that she found that disgusting.

So now I call them "Molly Browns."

Unsinkable, right?

[Leah]

Well, other than pulling out multiple ingrown toe nails, I popped a cyst that was on my cheek. It didn't hurt, however it was runny and not clumped up like regular cysts.
I used to have an anal fissure, which made sitting down or having a bowel movement painful.

[ER]

All right, all right, my turn.

A boy once peed in my mouth.

Of course he was a couple days old, he was my son, and having only had a girl before him I was naively unprepared for the range boys could pull off with their cannons. I was looking sideways while diapering him, talking to my husband, and mostly the stream hit my cheek but some did splash in my mouth, so I have an idea what urine tastes like. (About like it smells but warm and vaguely sweet.)

After it happened I went over to my husband (who found it beyond hilarious) and said, "Give me a kiss."