Make A Random Statement About Something Nobody Should Care About

[LilCerberus]

Just learned about ugly battle behind the 14th amendment...

[LilCerberus]

Time for the VEDA challenge... 3:)

[ER]

Once a few years ago I was at this berit milah starring an eight-day-old boy, and I noticed there was this group of Russian immigrant Jews standing back around the food tables, eating herring and honey cakes and cold cuts on rye like bears out of hibernation. They weren't even in the part of the room near where the main event was...coming off, they had their backs turned (which, you know, given the nature of the occasion was probably a good idea), shoveling in the food as fast as they could, chattering in Russian, beady-eyed and furtive while all the American Jews and their goyim guests hung back, waiting for the polite time to eat.

So I turned to my friend and whispered, "Who are those people?"

She was like, "No idea."

"You don't know them?"

"No."

"Does anybody know them?"

"Probably not."

Then it hit me like a wave from on high, a sure-fire screenplay I was going to write: Bris Crashers!

[Flangepart]

BRIS CRASHERS!
Gotta love it.

[LilCerberus]

I just signed up for Amazon Prime.
The grocery service isn't available in this area (23234).
Go figure.
God, I loathe this town!

[LilCerberus]

My sleep's been all screwed up lately, and that little old lady next door who just lost her husband has been firing up her lawn  mower at 6:00am the last two days...

[ER]

My sleep's been all screwed up lately, and that little old lady next door who just lost her husband has been firing up her lawn  mower at 6:00am the last two days...

Shame you don't live in Texas. In Texas you can legally shoot someone who "needs killin'." (That's why I had to get out of Austin.)

[javakoala]

My, but the toilet moss is colorful this season.

[Trevor]

My, but the toilet moss is colorful this season.

I beg my innocence, I had nothing to do with that. 

[ER]

You know what'd be a strange chain of events? Some man goes into his bathroom and sees he's out of toilet paper, so he reaches into the cabinet to get more, and hooks his index finger into the hole in the toilet paper, and inside is a black widow spider, which bites him, and he loses the top half of that finger. So he's mad at life about that, and when people ask how he lost his finger, he tells them, but they laugh, thinking he's making a joke. He gets angrier and angrier about this until one day someone laughs, and the man picks up the first thing he can grab, which happens to be a misshapen coconut, and hits the other man in the head. He is arrested for battery, goes to jail and serves eleven weeks, gets out, can't get a job, loses everything, takes the most bleak and soul-sucking task known to man, telemarketing for a funeral home, and finds life so filled with despair he decides to end it all by leaping in front of a train. He walks to the tracks and finds a dollar on the ground, and figures what the hey, one last throw of the dice for the heck of it, and he buys a lottery ticket, which wins, giving the man forty-two million dollars after taxes. He then decides to dedicate part of his winnings to funding a scientist who claims he can create a virus that will eradicate black widows from the planet. In fact the scientist's virus works so well it doesn't just kill off black widows alone, it wipes out arachnids planetwide, with the result that since one-half of all insectoid biomass passes through spiders' digestive tract, insects now overrun the world, destroying crops, spreading diseases, causing famine, plague, and ensuing resource-wars. One day a UN task force set up to trace the cause for the global catastrophe follows the trail back to the lottery winner missing half an index finger, and puts him on trial for crimes against Earth and all its denizens. He is convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment. In his cell he finds he is out of toilet paper, so reaches for a spare roll (the UN considering it cruel not to keep its prisoners well-supplied with TP) and inside is a Maricopa harvester ant, which bites his left index finger, causing the man to lose it. In anguish he spills to the floor of the prison clinic and weeps, asking God why has his life been so filled with torment. He then strokes out and dies, meets his creator who explains that in the life before last he used to be person who coined the phrase, "Have A Nice Day" and the only appropriate punishment the universe could devise for the life form behind the invention of a saying that brought so much annoyance to so many was that he experience an unending series of particularly bad incarnations.

Be strange, huh?

[javakoala]

You know what'd be a strange chain of events? Some man goes into his bathroom and sees he's out of toilet paper, so he reaches into the cabinet to get more, and hooks his index finger into the hole in the toilet paper, and inside is a black widow spider, which bites him, and he loses the top half of that finger. So he's mad at life about that, and when people ask how he lost his finger, he tells them, but they laugh, thinking he's making a joke. He gets angrier and angrier about this until one day someone laughs, and the man picks up the first thing he can grab, which happens to be a misshapen coconut, and hits the other man in the head. He is arrested for battery, goes to jail and serves eleven weeks, gets out, can't get a job, loses everything, takes the most bleak and soul-sucking task known to man, telemarketing for a funeral home, and finds life so filled with despair he decides to end it all by leaping in front of a train. He walks to the tracks and finds a dollar on the ground, and figures what the hey, one last throw of the dice for the heck of it, and he buys a lottery ticket, which wins, giving the man forty-two million dollars after taxes. He then decides to dedicate part of his winnings to funding a scientist who claims he can create a virus that will eradicate black widows from the planet. In fact the scientist's virus works so well it doesn't just kill off black widows alone, it wipes out arachnids planetwide, with the result that since one-half of all insectoid biomass passes through spiders' digestive tract, insects now overrun the world, destroying crops, spreading diseases, causing famine, plague, and ensuing resource-wars. One day a UN task force set up to trace the cause for the global catastrophe follows the trail back to the lottery winner missing half an index finger, and puts him on trial for crimes against Earth and all its denizens. He is convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment. In his cell he finds he is out of toilet paper, so reaches for a spare roll (the UN considering it cruel not to keep its prisoners well-supplied with TP) and inside is a Maricopa harvester ant, which bites his left index finger, causing the man to lose it. In anguish he spills to the floor of the prison clinic and weeps, asking God why has his life been so filled with torment. He then strokes out and dies, meets his creator who explains that in the life before last he used to be person who coined the phrase, "Have A Nice Day" and the only appropriate punishment the universe could devise for the life form behind the invention of a saying that brought so much annoyance to so many was that he experience an unending series of particularly bad incarnations.

Be strange, huh?

Why aren't you writing original screenplays for movies?

Oh, right, Hollywood doesn't do "original" anymore.

[ER]

Huh. Apparently you aren't allowed to use the word "wanker" in a review on Amazon.com.

[LilCerberus]

I liked it better when reruns of MST3K were cut up into one hour weekly segments, & each segment was introduced by that creepy guy from World At War.

[ER]

An old friend wrote me three times today; someone else who goes even farther back forgave my recent awfulness to him by saying what I did didn't actually bother him in the first place; another friend's book went live on Amazon, and already has a five-star review; I made a good commission on a sale this afternoon; my little girl and I are going someplace special in a bit; my old dog hasn't limped from hurt hips in four days; it's seventy and sunny, and I am happy!

[LilCerberus]

After going through two Nostalgia Electronics hot dog rollers, I just got one of these things;

https://www.cuisinart.com/discontinued/grills/gc-15.html

Trying to figure out what I can do with a griddle. Been doing hot dogs for so long. I don't even mess with the microwave or the toaster oven any more, just the hot dog roller.