Off the Wall Movie Summaries

[clockworkcanary]

At times, I like looking at a movie's plot from secondary character points of view, talk about the movie's "real" plot, play devil's advocate, or make far-reaching crazy theories, just for the fun of it.
Feel free to add to the list or do your own versions of ones already in the list:

Batman vs. Superman: Disturbed rich guy breaks from beating the mentally ill to fight illegal aliens.

Beastmaster: Homeless man uses animal powers to fight local church in order to bed his cousin.

Troll 2: Elliot abandons his homosexual urges to help a failed dancer's family fight vegetarians.

Popcorn: Burn victim creates a sh!tty remake.

Batman: The Killing Joke: 40 year old nails best friend's daughter and kills a clown.

Suicide Squad: Criminals commit crimes. Employers are surprised.

Rocky III: Ex-paper champion learns ethnic dance moves; regains world title.

Samurai Cop: Officer Peggy's real sh!tty week.

Mazes and Monsters: Serial dating gamer girl cures her writer's block by exploiting the mental collapse of a friend.

Lost Boys: Single dad fails at merging vampire mullet nuclear family.

Krull: Traditional marriage attacked by an illegal alien.

Teeth: Girl develops natural defense. Rapists die.

Demon Wind: Heir talks his friends into cleaning his haunted house before they die.

Friday the 13th: Angry soccer mom needs proper medical care.

Friday the 13th: Part 6: Mental patient digs up zombie, dumps it in a lake at an active camp, then ditches.

A Nightmare on Elm Street: Repressed teen has dream of ultimate sexual deviant, wish-fulfillment.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors: Ghostly nun convinces local doctor to abandon science and reason, quit his job, and become a thief.

Halloween Series: Local mad man, the disgruntled Dr. Loomis, releases violent mental patients, terrorizes a small town, distracts police, violates HIPAA laws, screams in the faces of children, car jacks a federal agent, and burns down a hospital...and gets away with it. Then he writes a book about it –cashing in on the carnage.

Chopping Mall: Million dollar solution for a thousand dollar problem.

American Ninja 2: Michael Dudikoff fights genetic ninjas.

Slaughter High: Burn victim gains superpowers; kills classmates as a prank.

China O'Brien: Cynthia Rothrock returns home to fight a bar, the cops, lumberjacks, election workers, and the fire department.

Alien: Man carries full term (...in space!). Crew dies.

Deadly Friend: Teen makes cyborg out of dead neighbor. She becomes legendary at basketball.

Teen Wolf: Single dad teaches son lycanthropy bullying techniques.

Superman III: The exploitation of a coder.

Star Wars: farm boy chases sister, finds religion, and starts a family feud.

Night School: Professor hooks up with the wrong student.

Revenge of the Nerds: Nerd rapes a sorority girl, gets trophy.

Back to the Future: Old man sends slacker to the 50s so he can destroy himself and his family.

Humanoids from the Deep: Fish rape a coastal town.

Dr. Strange: Dr. House fights cosplayers over a cook book.

Rock'n'Roll High School: home grown terrorist teens bomb a school.

Down and Out in Beverly Hills: The "little guy" ####s southern California.

Revenge of the Sith: The Fall of a stale theocracy.

Fight Club: Man beats himself into enlightenment.

The Belco Experiment: Tuesdays in Corporate America.

Heathers: Home grown terrorist introduces Ohio to nihilism.

[LilCerberus]

an old one:
Roller Blade: Nymphoid ninja nuns must thwart a psychotic hand puppet.

[Pacman000]

Krull- A mystical old man must help a young man save the planet, by sacrificing himself to a crystal spider.

Star Wars- A mystical old man must help a young man save a planet, by sacrificing himself to a man in a dark suit.

The Dark Crystal- Puppets keep asking ugly Grover where to find a shard. The puppets which have no facial expressions are much nicer than the lizard/vulture puppets.

[clockworkcanary]

Great additions!

Wizard of Oz: The ultimate fight over a pair of shoes

Lawnmower Man: Local doctor uses his Family Medical Leave to play god with local retard. Ushers apocalypse.

The Black Hole: Evil scientist plays god; merges with machine in hell.

The Thing: Crashed prisoner just wants to go home.

First Blood: Veteran fighting for his benefits.

Lord of the Rings: Midgets take a long walk.

Man of Steel: Preacher advises Superman to give up to his Dad's rival. Things don't go well.

Dazed and Confused: Ben Affleck flunks high school to paddle young boys.

Miami Connection: A taekwondo rock band fights coked up ninjas over club booking.

Howling II: Christopher Lee raves while werewolves have an orgy.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A Texan defense against a home invasion.

Mario Bros: a couple of plumbers trip balls in the sewers about 45 minutes after the mushrooms.

Howard the Duck: Marty's mom &&&&s a duck!

[Ticonderoga 64]

ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FOOT WOMAN: Old, bald, fat alien rapes a babe and steals her necklace, making her grow to dynamic proportions..

GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS: Giant reptile has a barbeque and Japan pays for it..

ONE MILLION YEARS B.C.: Prehistoric people run around half naked avoiding reptiles, fighting over rocks and seashells and collecting cave babes.

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDNT DIE: Pervert doctor knocks the head off his girlfriend, then cavorts around strip clubs looking for a hot body to stick it on later, meanwhile Beldar the Conehead lives in his basement closet...

ASTOUNDING SHE-MONSTER: alien bimbo from space walks around in a skintight outfit with a broken zipper and kills everyone she touches even though she is supposed to be an ambassador..two clowns kidnap an heiress and take her right to where the bimbo takes her walks..hilarity ensues.

THE GIANT CLAW: Turkey buzzard from an anti-matter galaxy flies around being a pain in the ass until 70 minutes role by, then a guy finds a way to dump him in the ocean.

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Three bums that have no morals find themselves in competition for the same stolen fortune. They spend 3 hours doublecrossing each other until someone finally makes a move and gets rid of one, then dumps the other.

PSYCHO: Mother's boy tranny runs around in a dress killing women that give him a hard on and people who offend the tranny's sensibilities, when he isnt stuffing birds and running his rat trap motel

DR.JEKYLL AND MR.HYDE: a doctor who doesnt have the balls to go out and have a good time has to take drugs to make him more of a guy that can enjoy himself with sluts, drinking , fighting and spending the doctor's money on something besides chemicals..

[indianasmith]

TITANIC: Ship damages iceberg and gets bad reviews on Travelocity.

[javakoala]

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE:  Woman uses her head to outwit her sleazy boyfriend.

[Trevor]

LASER MISSION: Bruce Lee's son masquerades as a mercenary for hire in a movie which masquerades as entertainment. 

SPACE MUTINY: The travels of a well built space ship: so well built that you can see the brick walls. 

[Pacman000]

Battlestar: Galactica (70's version.) Earth or Bust!

[Trevor]

NUKIE: It's SNOT a good film 

[clockworkcanary]

Those are all great! Thanks for contributing.

Batman and Robin: Orphan gets c-blocked by billionaire.

Hellraiser: The family reuinion that turned out poorly for everyone.

The Room: woman cures boredom by destroying banker's life.

Sleepaway Camp: Paul's Summer Camp Surprise

Superman II: Aliens come to arm wrestle Planet Houston while Clark Kent gets beat up by a trucker.

ET: Sugar-rushed boy harbors biological threat in his closet.

Original Wicker Man: Cop pushes religion on locals; gets burned alive.

Rosemary's Baby: An introduction to alternative daycare techniques.

Weird Science: teen boys create ultimate woman -still can't get laid.

Batman Forever: Psychologist easily deduces billionaire's secret identity, beds him, and drops him like a fly.

Eyes Wide Shut: Upper class doctor realizes that he and everyone else are all just a bunch of whores on some level.

A Clockwork Orange: A police training guide.

Roadhouse: Bouncer beats up small town. Leads a revolt that ends in murder.

Rocky: Mobster-turned-boxer date rapes his friend's sister. Doesn't win big match.

Footloose: dancer frees small town from authoritarianism.

Killer Klowns: Bozo gets his coworkers on bath salts.

Tron: Tech geek gets pulled into an Atari 2600.

Transformers (1984): New toy line kills off old toys of low merchandise sales.

The Love Guru: 90 minutes of Mike Myers being an ass.

Spiderman 3: How a franchise is ruined by that 70s b***h.

Silver Bullet: Drunk Gary Busey vs. Theocrat Lycanthrope.

Batman Returns: Disturbed billionaire sticks it in crazy while circus mutant kidnaps little boys.

Howard and Kumar Go to White Castle: Getting the courage to talk to a woman.

Needful Things: Satan gets off on frat pranks.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii: Glen Quagmire opens a bar.

The Car: Satan possess car to terrorize small Arizona town.

Satan's Cheerleaders: Girl sells soul for touchdowns.

Logan's Run: Old man rejects health care plan.

Paranormal Activity: Casper turns heel.

Saw: Riddler with aggression turned up to 11.

War of the Worlds; s**tty dad Jar-Jars his way through aliens to drop off his kids at his ex's.

Barbarella: Jane Fonda nails the galaxy.

A Boy and His Dog: Don Johnson finds a new way to feed his dog.

Dead Alive: New lawn mowing techniques

Prometheus: C students dick around in a military depot.

The Omen: Antichrist is born...and does not release a metal album.

[Ted C]

Battlefield Earth: Human refugees come up with implausible plan to defeat alien oppressors, who are so painfully stupid that it works.

[clockworkcanary]

Enter the Dragon: Bruce Lee beats up an entire island.

Pump Up the Volume: Bored kid violates FCC rules -gets arrested.

Cobra: Stallone fights a new religion.

Can't Buy Me Love: nerd buys popularity. Wins girl.

Avengers: misfits help viking with a family feud

Son of Batman: When Batman got date raped

Sleepwalkers: Lycanthrope sleeps with his mom

VVitch: colonial family drives daughter into witchcraft

Batman vs Robin: The Dark Knight vs the Bastard

Stagefright (80s): Owl-fetished psycho destroys theatrical production (and crew) for being mean to a cat.

Loverboy: pizza boy pimps himself out for college money. Cuckolds Mel, the cook on "Alice"

The Octagon: Chuck Norris beats up Richard Norton three times.

[Ted C]

Beowulf & Grendel: Vengeance of misunderstood troll on redneck Danes is interrupted by Geat hero. Geat hero gets his ass kicked, but troll has to cut his own arm off to escape the rest of the Geats.

[clockworkcanary]

2001: A Space Odyssey: quadrilateral evolves man to fight a machine and trip balls.

Hardware: Christmas present tries to take advantage of girl; stopped by water.

Spiderman 2: Professor's attempt to teach a slacking student a lesson.

Fantastic Four: nerd turns friends into freak jobs -gives best friend stones for a dick

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning: crazy kid beats up the mentally disabled and local hillbillies then kills an ambulance driver.

Barry Lyndon: Thug gets money; looses money and legs.

Masters of the Universe: man in panties annexes castle.

UHF: slackers destroy thousands of jobs by taking down a network company

Saturn 3: Robot wants to do Farrah Fawcett; doesn't have the parts.