My Grandfather Is Dead

Olivia Bauer · October 22, 2018, 05:56:28 PM

I typed up a paragraph before deleting the whole thing. I was about to tell every single reason why I didn't like him but I figured
that sharing family drama and personal information on the internet would be a kind of s**tty thing to do.
I haven't seen him in years, I would only hear about the visits my Dad would make to him and the weird s**t he would say.
My Dad is the only person that took time out to visit the old fart. Yet he always mistreated Dad for being an atheist.

He props up his kids that don't care as good ol Catholic folk and my Dad as a filthy non-believer. In case it isn't obvious I don't like anyone on
the paternal side of my family save for my Dad and my uncle Mark. Mind you, Mark died of alcohol poisoning ten years ago, so that narrows it down a bit.
I don't dislike them for being Catholic, just that all of them seem so self-absorbed and pretentious.

Either way today marks the death of my last grandparent. My mother's mother, my mother's father, my father's mother, and my father's father are all dead now.
Out of the four people I mentioned I literally only liked one of them, my mother's father. I never met Dad's mom and have heard nothing good about my Mom's mom.

I think I might attend the funeral if Dad wants me to. But if he doesn't care then I don't think I'll bother.
How do you react to a family member that you hate dying anyway? Being happy seems a bit twisted but being sad feels disingenuous.
It also feels a little depressing to respond to a death in the family with "Meh."

Leah · October 22, 2018, 06:06:10 PM

Oof. I too had a family member die this year, although he was a doggo with lots of health problems. As for going to the funeral or not, I would go if your dad asked you to go.

indianasmith · October 22, 2018, 06:25:16 PM

I have never had a family member I didn't love. Some I am closer to than others, but I don't dislike any of them.
I have no idea how to answer your question, except to say that I am sorry your relationship with him was not better.

Svengoolie 3 · October 22, 2018, 08:53:21 PM

I remember my grandfather dying, it hurt. I sympathize with you.

LilCerberus · October 22, 2018, 09:54:50 PM

sorry to hear

RCMerchant · October 22, 2018, 10:41:21 PM

I never knew my Grandfathers, or Grandmothers, (except Gramma in NY who was a nice lady) .
I didn't go to my Dad's funeral. It didn't change my life one way or the other. He never knew my children, or cared.

ER · October 22, 2018, 10:48:55 PM

Quote from: A.J. Bauer on October 22, 2018, 05:56:28 PM
I typed up a paragraph before deleting the whole thing. I was about to tell every single reason why I didn't like him but I figured
that sharing family drama and personal information on the internet would be a kind of s**tty thing to do.
I haven't seen him in years, I would only hear about the visits my Dad would make to him and the weird s**t he would say.
My Dad is the only person that took time out to visit the old fart. Yet he always mistreated Dad for being an atheist.

He props up his kids that don't care as good ol Catholic folk and my Dad as a filthy non-believer. In case it isn't obvious I don't like anyone on
the paternal side of my family save for my Dad and my uncle Mark. Mind you, Mark died of alcohol poisoning ten years ago, so that narrows it down a bit.
I don't dislike them for being Catholic, just that all of them seem so self-absorbed and pretentious.

Either way today marks the death of my last grandparent. My mother's mother, my mother's father, my father's mother, and my father's father are all dead now.
Out of the four people I mentioned I literally only liked one of them, my mother's father. I never met Dad's mom and have heard nothing good about my Mom's mom.

I think I might attend the funeral if Dad wants me to. But if he doesn't care then I don't think I'll bother.
How do you react to a family member that you hate dying anyway? Being happy seems a bit twisted but being sad feels disingenuous.
It also feels a little depressing to respond to a death in the family with "Meh."

As one who is tormented by death and loss at a DNA-deep level I envy you that meh. You're lucky, go with it. Being spared grief is a gift. And why pretend grief? If he was a jerk, shrug, why should you feel sad? Everyone dies. Heck with it. Good job.

Allhallowsday · October 23, 2018, 12:33:19 AM

Mmm. I think I agree. He was only a grandfather. Blood is very important to some people. To me, humanity is important. It is unfortunate that you couldn't like that jerk. Perhaps it's a function of youth, or, he was just not nice. ER is right. Good job.

Alex · October 23, 2018, 03:01:44 AM

For these things I go to support other mourners. If I didn't like the person, I'll tell people that I am sorry for their loss and avoid drinking alcohol so I don't get drunk and let slip what I really think of the deceased.

Olivia Bauer · October 23, 2018, 02:42:39 PM

I see Dad today. I'll ask him.

justme2013 · October 23, 2018, 05:00:57 PM

I've not had any family members that I hate die (honestly hate takes too much energy) but I've had more than one that I'm apathetic about die. I supported those who did care because honestly funerals are for the living not the dead and if I could offer some sort of comfort to someone then it's worth going.

Olivia Bauer · October 24, 2018, 09:04:13 AM

I talked to Dad. He said he doesn't care if I go.
Honestly, he doesn't seem super broken up about it.

Olivia Bauer · October 26, 2018, 05:06:31 PM

Didn't go to the funeral. Mom said she didn't see a single person cry and the few people she spoke with we're all talking s**t. Heh.

Alex · October 26, 2018, 05:07:50 PM

Glad its all worked out ok for you.