This Is A True Story

[ER]

When I was nineteen I was in college and it was the last week there before summer break, I was sleeping late, naturally, and woke up around one in the afternoon hearing the sounds of an ice cream truck outside, so I dove in my clothes and rushed downstairs too fast for the pervert neighbor there to "accidentally"  bump into me, and caught the ice cream truck on the street.

"How much for a bomb pop?" I asked the driver, who looked a lot like Eustace from the Courage the Cowardly Dog cartoons.

"Fo-er dollahs," he grunted in this N'England Yankee Down East accent.

"Four bucks?" said I. "Dude, I can get a six-pack of them at the store for two bucks."

The driver goes, "Well yuh not at t'store, are you?"

"No," I told him, "but I think I'd rather go to the store than pay you four bucks for a bomb pop."

AND HE REPLIED: "Well f**kin' do it then, ya mouthee little b***h!"

Then he shut his window and pulled away, with me standing there barefooted on the warm sidewalk, kind of looking around like, did this just happen?

(And BTW, I'm not little, I'm five-seven and a half.)

Being from a more polite part of the country, I did not like that treatment, so I hurried to the store and bought a box of bomb pops, then drove around campus til I saw the ice cream truck with some TKE types gathering in front of it, and I walked up and asked them, "Any of you guys want a free bomb pop?"

The look on that scowling driver's face was worth the two bucks.

[Svengoolie 3]

[Foxnews] So basically you're a bitter loser who hates capitalism because people  make a profit under it and you want to undermine capitalism and replace it with Socialism because you're really a nazi who wants to murder everyone. This merchant was just making a legitmate  profit and you felt "oppressed" because he was being successful and spitefully  used Marxist Leninist class warfare tactics to destroy his business and condition the masses to expect "free stuff".  [/foxnews]

[ER]

I can't say I've watched FOX News often enough to know.

[Allhallowsday]

Interesting.  Sad it comes back to that anger thing again...     Maybe for both of you.    

I am perplexed 'cause I think I understand both perspectives.  As Evelyn might say:  Hm. 

[ER]

Can't have drama without conflict, and my conflict-deficient stories cause hypoglycemia.

Observe: One time my friend and I went to Starbucks and hung out and talked for two hours, then some high school girl came in and spread Tarot cards out on the table to read for her friends.

"Have you been reading long?" I asked her.

"Since eighth grade," she said.

Even though I learned Tarot in 1991, I let her read for me and to thank her I paid for her latte.

Boom. End of story. See the difference?

[ER]

Here's another for you, John.

Even though I find horses terrifying I grew up liking books about them. In the summer I was nine I wanted a book about Seattle Slew, so the Boone County Library ordered it for me, but after waiting weeks for it, the old book arrived with a torn cover. When I showed the librarian, Mrs. Vermer, she said, "Sorry, we're going to have to send this back so the library that owns the book can fix it."

Even though I'd been waiting all summer, I said, "That's all right. I understand."  

(Yawn.)  

[ER]

As a teenager I was practicing my nightly hundred tennis serves against the brick wall of our house and my neighbor's daughter in law, who was visiting from Hurricane, West Virginia came out and asked if I'd please stop doing that so her little boy would stay asleep. I said sure, and went inside.

[ER]

I used to be the go-to designated driver in college, and my Taurus was always getting hurled in. My buddy Lisa was the yakker one Saturday and offered to pay for someone to come clean out the back seat. Nah don't worry about it, Leese, said I, beams of Heavenly light shining down on me, I'll take care of it.

(Sorry, amusing myself. I'll quit now.  )

[Allhallowsday]

One time I was driving down the "S" turns on South Orange Ave and saw a cat lying in the road.  It's tail was moving. 

[ER]

That's a good recounting, John. It provokes an emotional response with an economy of words.

[Gabriel Knight]

Plot twist: the pervert neighbor was the ice cream truck driver's partner. They never sold any candy, they just lured and then kidnapped people - you barely escaped alive!

<thunder cracks in the background>

[ER]

Plot twist: the pervert neighbor was the ice cream truck driver's partner. They never sold any candy, they just lured and then kidnapped people - you barely escaped alive!

<thunder cracks in the background>

Ha! I like how you think, Gabriel.

[Allhallowsday]

One time I was driving up South Mountain on the "S" turns of South Orange Ave about 45 mph.  45 mph is fast to take those sharp turns and I had three friends in the car with me.  It was a 1964 Chevy Malibu, and though old and decrepit, it handled very well, even if I was driving drunk.  I expect we were all drinking and avoided any problem.  They vowed to never drive with me again. 

[ER]

One time I was driving up South Mountain on the "S" turns of South Orange Ave about 45 mph.  45 mph is fast to take those sharp turns and I had three friends in the car with me.  It was a 1964 Chevy Malibu, and though old and decrepit, it handled very well, even if I was driving drunk.  I expect we were all drinking and avoided any problem.  They vowed to never drive with me again.  

You were killed that night, John, and the illusion of all the years since have been part of your dying vision. That's why wherever you go you keep seeing a small red-haired girl holding a black balloon. It's also why food has lost its taste, and smells are not what they used to be. Maya has replaced Gaia, and your heartbeat is only an echo. Be sure to watch out for open elevators, and beware laughter that sounds through closed lips. It might also explain why you believe yourself to be in New Jersey.

[RCMerchant]

Nah. he's here. I talk to him on the phone once in awhile.
Plus he's typing and your reading- so unless your just a dream by a dead person..