Random Rants About Random Movies

Gabriel Knight · December 04, 2019, 12:24:20 PM

So, basically, you put the title of the last movie you saw, and make a quick rant about it. Nitpicking is allowed and encouraged. I'll start with...

THE ILLUSIONIST

I am supposed to feel happy for the couple that framed a man into a murder that never took place, leading him to commit suicide? And why the police is happy about this, instead of angry for being fooled into taking part? What kind of bulls**t writing is that?!

Alex · December 04, 2019, 01:25:19 PM

Quote from: Gabriel Knight on December 04, 2019, 12:24:20 PM
So, basically, you put the title of the last movie you saw, and make a quick rant about it. Nitpicking is allowed and encouraged. I'll start with...

THE ILLUSIONIST

I am supposed to feel happy for the couple that framed a man into a murder that never took place, leading him to commit suicide? And why the police is happy about this, instead of angry for being fooled into taking part? What kind of bulls**t writing is that?!

Well to be fair the man was a total dick.

Ted C · December 04, 2019, 02:06:05 PM

The 13th Warrior (1999)

Overall good, but one annoyance. The witch's advice: the Mother of the Wendol is their will; kill her and you kill them off. Then, arbitrarily, she adds that the leader of the Wendol warriors must also be killed. No explanation. What's so important about him?

This would have been an easy fix. The Mother is the heart of the Wendol; kill her and they will die, but not right away. In its death throws, the dragon will rise one last time to try to take you with it. To stop it, you must also cut off its head: the war leader.

Not lengthy or complicated, and it puts a nice bow on the whole endgame of the movie. How hard would that have been?

ER · December 04, 2019, 03:24:49 PM

A River Runs Through It.

I love this movie but come on, there was a perfectly good river flowing along on a hot day, and there was no way to write in a scene where Brad Pitt got naked and went swimming? That's just disrespect of a female audience right there.

Allhallowsday · December 04, 2019, 03:40:17 PM

Quote from: ER on December 04, 2019, 03:24:49 PM
A River Runs Through It.

I love this movie but come on, there was a perfectly good river flowing along on a hot day, and there was no way to write in a scene where Brad Pitt got naked and went swimming? That's just disrespect of a female audience right there.

It could've been worse. It might have been a KEVIN COSTNER movie and then you'd get to see his ASS.

DANCES WITH WOLVES, for example: California white people want to be Native American... and suddenly he has no pants. Is that scene supposed to be sexy or funny? Any ironing to do around here?

claws · December 04, 2019, 05:16:24 PM

Deadpool 2 (2018)

Wash, rinse and repeat. Mildly amusing sequel with signs of breaking the fourth wall fatique. I dunno. The jokes are getting old.

Alex · December 04, 2019, 05:37:08 PM

Lalaland.

Just terrible from start to finish. I spent the whole movie hoping a massive earthquake would strike and kill everyone. Also see the movie version of Into The Woods and Les Miserable both of which I feel the same way about.

Allhallowsday · December 04, 2019, 08:04:23 PM

Quote from: Alex on December 04, 2019, 05:37:08 PM
Lalaland.

Just terrible from start to finish. I spent the whole movie hoping a massive earthquake would strike and kill everyone. Also see the movie version of Into The Woods and Les Miserable both of which I feel the same way about.

Don't care for no movie musical?

RCMerchant · December 04, 2019, 08:42:41 PM

TEACHER OF THE YEAR (2015)
So Key from 'Key and Peele' (which was a funny show), is on the poster art (?). Is he the star? Of course not.
Some shmuck I never heard of is. And it's all done like the 'Office'.

Alex · December 05, 2019, 01:41:41 AM

Quote from: Allhallowsday on December 04, 2019, 08:04:23 PM
Quote from: Alex on December 04, 2019, 05:37:08 PM
Lalaland.

Just terrible from start to finish. I spent the whole movie hoping a massive earthquake would strike and kill everyone. Also see the movie version of Into The Woods and Les Miserable both of which I feel the same way about.

Don't care for no movie musical?

There are a few musicals I like, but they tend to also be comedies. Little Shop of Horrors is one example.

Trevor · December 05, 2019, 06:12:18 AM

The so-called "African English" accents used by the Wakanda peeps in the Avengers movies always irritate the crap out of me: I'm African and if you spoke to me, you'd think I was British by birth.

Gabriel Knight · December 05, 2019, 06:45:13 AM

THE MACHINIST

What was the point of Stevie? Like, seriously, she could've been removed completely from the movie and nothing would change. It's just there to makes us feel bad for her last scene and that's it.
And come to think of it... what was the whole point of getting Bale so thin? It's nothing but for the shock factor, you could just make his face really messed up if you wanted to show him with serious amnesia and that's it. But no, let's turn him into Skeletor in hopes of achieving an Oscar.

Quote from: ER on December 04, 2019, 03:24:49 PM
A River Runs Through It.

I love this movie but come on, there was a perfectly good river flowing along on a hot day, and there was no way to write in a scene where Brad Pitt got naked and went swimming? That's just disrespect of a female audience right there.

You could always watch GYMKATA for some sweet and completely random male ass action.

Random Rants About Random Movies

claws