If you were to make a movie...

Alex · February 22, 2020, 07:30:30 PM

What would it be about? Who would you want to be in it?

I think I would go for a horror movie, but in a fantasy setting. Maybe a bunch of adventurers or merc's go dungeoneering, so it would start out very much like a classic 70's/80's D&D adventure. They'd find out about a treasure horde from an old map held by a crazy old man who claims to have been an adventurer in his youth. At least until he took an arrow in the knee and had to retire... Anyway, once they are in the dungeon, they find themselves trapped and slowly being picked off one by one by the inhabitants who were waiting for them. It rapidly becomes obvious it is a trap and a variety of horrific monsters are hunting them, rather than them killing the usual Orc's and Goblin's. They are herded deeper and deeper into the complex until the face the final villain and the real reason they have been brought here.

I'd have the head of the party played by a woman. Maybe Gina Carano. She has the physicality to be a warrior and actually has some good acting chops. Sean Connery (in his 30's) would play her right-hand man. The old man with the map, who turns out to be the main villain at the film's climax would be played by Peter Cushing. I'd get a young Ridley Scott to direct it.

LilCerberus · February 22, 2020, 07:52:26 PM

Post apocalyptic hallucinogenic steam punk sci-fi western fantasy, and I would use local talent.....

Allhallowsday · February 22, 2020, 09:12:57 PM

What? What???

Trevor · February 22, 2020, 10:34:40 PM

There's a SA book called Ons Wag Op Die Kaptein [We Await The Captain] which I would like to make a film of as well as making the film of the WW2 thriller The Lonely Skier by Hammond Innes. I started writing a script of it years ago but never finished it.

ER · February 22, 2020, 11:07:53 PM

Sex and Sexability, because I think Austen has been ignored for too long by the adult film industry. Plus all my actors would be Laotians playing Jews and I'd set it in Nazi Germany. I would use an alien invasion as a metaphor for Elinor's longing, and the aliens would be played by children in dog costumes. Colonel Brandon would be played in silence, with the actor conveying meaning by emoting, much as silent movie actors once did. Also the youngest Dashwood sister would be naked throughout but no one would seem to notice or think anything about it.

I think it'd be better than most of what Hollywood puts out.

After S&S made me rich I'd make an Austen film again called Pussuasion, and the cast would be cats in estrus running around Lyme and Bath mating with one another to the soundtrack of Aretha Franklin.

Another sure winner.

Alex · February 23, 2020, 06:41:35 PM

Quote from: ER on February 22, 2020, 11:07:53 PM
Sex and Sexability, because I think Austen has been ignored for too long by the adult film industry. Plus all my actors would be Laotians playing Jews and I'd set it in Nazi Germany. I would use an alien invasion as a metaphor for Elinor's longing, and the aliens would be played by children in dog costumes. Colonel Brandon would be played in silence, with the actor conveying meaning by emoting, much as silent movie actors once did. Also the youngest Dashwood sister would be naked throughout but no one would seem to notice or think anything about it.

I think it'd be better than most of what Hollywood puts out.

After S&S made me rich I'd make an Austen film again called Pussuasion, and the cast would be cats in estrus running around Lyme and Bath mating with one another to the soundtrack of Aretha Franklin.

Another sure winner.

I should have expected someone to go for porn. Must be slipping. It did make me smile though.

RCMerchant · February 23, 2020, 07:12:43 PM

I really thought about this...
A big pin-head deformed dimwit lives in an old outhouse in the woods. At the bottom of the toilet hole is a pool of mucky water. Inside it lives a mutant fish that tells him to kill people, and bring the guts to him.
That's as far as I've got.

Alex · February 23, 2020, 07:16:08 PM

Quote from: RCMerchant on February 23, 2020, 07:12:43 PM
I really thought about this...
A pin-head monster lives in an old outhouse in the woods. At the bottom of the toilet hole is a pool of mucky water. Inside it lives a mutant fish that tells him to kill people, and bring the guts to him.
That's as far as I've got.

Sounds good so far. I look forward to reading more. Hell, with your artistic skills, you should story board it.

RCMerchant · February 23, 2020, 07:21:24 PM

^ Funny you should say that! Because it's actually the start of a comic story I started drawing about 1983, and never finished.

Alex · February 23, 2020, 07:23:20 PM

Quote from: RCMerchant on February 23, 2020, 07:21:24 PM
^ Funny you should say that! Because it's actually the start of a comic story I started drawing about 1983, and never finished.

Do it!

RCMerchant · February 23, 2020, 07:30:28 PM

^ Well, since I quit drinking whiskey, I been doodling-getting my hand back in shape. I ain't really drawn since about 2008. But it's like riding a bike. Something you can do without really thinking too much about it. Plus I'm going to finally buy a new copy/printing machine. I ain't had one in about 10 years. Yeah...I been getting the old itch to draw back.

chefzombie · February 23, 2020, 07:58:31 PM

i'd make a movie about a family who makes friends with the pukwudgies and elder spirits in the bridgewater triangle where i grew up. that's as far as i've gotten, not sure if it should be horror, comedy or straight up fantasy.

The Burgomaster · February 24, 2020, 12:35:18 PM

Mine would be a throwback to 1970s drive-in movies like LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, I DRINK YOUR BLOOD and BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD. Low budget in a rural setting.

Trevor · February 24, 2020, 05:17:43 PM

Quote from: The Burgomaster on February 24, 2020, 12:35:18 PM
Mine would be a throwback to 1970s drive-in movies like LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, I DRINK YOUR BLOOD and BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD. Low budget in a rural setting.

You could combine all three of those into the title. Nice ring to it.

Gabriel Knight · February 26, 2020, 08:46:23 AM

With the upcoming exploitation (and, thanks to the perverted fat bastard of Martin, destruction) of the fantasy genre, I would like to be part of it just to maintain its essence. Amazon is bent on massacring THE LORD OF THE RINGS and THE WHEEL OF TIME, and it won't stop there. I just hope DRAGONLANCE never gets touched by its deadly, uncreative, and greedy hand.

My personal wish is to be part of a WARCRAFT movie, in order to mantain the awesomeness of the first one, although I prefer for it to be left alone so they don't f**k it up. The same goes for BALDUR'S GATE, because Jon Irenicus deserves all the respect possible.