I spoke to Mom just now

[Trevor]

What expenses do they have?

None as far as I know: I also didn't ask them to move into Mom's place while she is recovering. My cousin who lives next door to Mom - and saved her, take note - I will owe for the rest of my life.

[Trevor]

i second john's question.
and i add one. how much of that yearly sum are they already getting?

Nothing: the money goes to Mom, no one else. My family mean well but they are bullies.

[Allhallowsday]

Thanks all: just one thing that made me a little  yesterday.

My uncle and my cousin are trying to guilt trip me into paying ZAR9000 (about $1000) per month for a carer for Mom when in fact my medical aid covers a large part of it. I told them this and they said they still want me to contribute something to THEIR expenses.  I told them that I already pay Mom's bills monthly - note, ALL of them - and she is on my medical aid and I give her a yearly lump sum when I get my 13th check so WTF more must I do?

The question of "their expenses" remains unanswered. 

[Newt]

Thanks all: just one thing that made me a little  yesterday.

My uncle and my cousin are trying to guilt trip me into paying ZAR9000 (about $1000) per month for a carer for Mom when in fact my medical aid covers a large part of it. I told them this and they said they still want me to contribute something to THEIR expenses.  I told them that I already pay Mom's bills monthly - note, ALL of them - and she is on my medical aid and I give her a yearly lump sum when I get my 13th check so WTF more must I do?

The question of "their expenses" remains unanswered. 

Precisely.

You are not some sort of "cash cow" to be milked.  Tally up your contribution to your mother's expenses and keep that information on hand.  Even if you choose not to share it with them, you need to remind yourself that you are being responsible and doing what you can.  You are a good, loving son;  never doubt that.  Do not allow them to 'guilt' you into anything!  (Or I may have to come to SA and kick some sorry butts when travel opens up!  Grrr!)

[Trevor]

Thanks all: just one thing that made me a little  yesterday.

My uncle and my cousin are trying to guilt trip me into paying ZAR9000 (about $1000) per month for a carer for Mom when in fact my medical aid covers a large part of it. I told them this and they said they still want me to contribute something to THEIR expenses.  I told them that I already pay Mom's bills monthly - note, ALL of them - and she is on my medical aid and I give her a yearly lump sum when I get my 13th check so WTF more must I do?

The question of "their expenses" remains unanswered. 

Agreed. My Uncle - who is Mom's only brother and is actually a good person - is money mad: he can't go long without talking about it. He was amazed when I told him that my monthly salary is not that big: "But you have been working for so many years!" Yeah, dude, the public servants don't get paid a lot here.

[Trevor]

Thanks all: just one thing that made me a little  yesterday.

My uncle and my cousin are trying to guilt trip me into paying ZAR9000 (about $1000) per month for a carer for Mom when in fact my medical aid covers a large part of it. I told them this and they said they still want me to contribute something to THEIR expenses.  I told them that I already pay Mom's bills monthly - note, ALL of them - and she is on my medical aid and I give her a yearly lump sum when I get my 13th check so WTF more must I do?

The question of "their expenses" remains unanswered. 

Precisely.

You are not some sort of "cash cow" to be milked.  Tally up your contribution to your mother's expenses and keep that information on hand.  Even if you choose not to share it with them, you need to remind yourself that you are being responsible and doing what you can.  You are a good, loving son;  never doubt that.  Do not allow them to 'guilt' you into anything!  (Or I may have to come to SA and kick some sorry butts when travel opens up!  Grrr!)

Aww.. hugs.

I spoke to Mom again today: she is getting along (rehab will still take a while) but she seems to be worried about me. I just hope that my family don't tell her that I was on the point of suicide two weeks ago. I was, until my sister reminded me of the promise I made her children thirteen years ago.

[chefzombie]

i'm so glad she's doing better! and it's not just the zombie children, brother, WE need you around too. 

[Allhallowsday]

Keep stepping up.  Life is always moving forward.  Be glad for all of the good things! 

[Trevor]

Keep stepping up.  Life is always moving forward.  Be glad for all of the good things! 

Thanks Brother AHD.

[Trevor]

Mom has been released from rehab, thankfully her mind and speech are not affected.

However, the stroke she had - despite being on meds to prevent it - has affected her to the point where she cannot walk un-aided and needs a wheelchair.

She will be going to a care home this week and will need this care for the rest of her life: she is 87 now.

I cannot believe that my young at heart mom is now like this: it hurts like all f**king hell. 

Thank you all for the love and the support: she knows it too.

[RCMerchant]

Man. I don't know what to saw, except I feel you.
I know how it is, man. Rickie, Denise, Tom, Tara, Ma, Richie, Dad...and more. All dead. Some were younger than me.

[RCMerchant]

Thing is, Trevor, my friend- don't you ever give up, dammit!
My ghost will haunt your ghost!

[indianasmith]

Best wishes for her, and for you!!!
Stay strong and be the son she needs you to be.

[Newt]

So glad to hear the effects were limited to her mobility.  Be good Trevor:  in no time at all she'll be able to catch you and smack your backside if you earn it!

All my best to your mom.  Take good care of each other.   {{Hugs!}}

[chefzombie]

just remember, she's still that young at heart mom on the inside, brother T.