Recent Viewings, Part 2

[M.10rda]

Both 60s "Catwomen" (Julie Newmar and Lee Meriwether),

Like Lester says, this sounds awesome and I want to watch it, but as an English teacher I am compelled to suggest that TWO of the 60s Catwomen appear... don't forget Eartha Kitt! I give you credit though for remembering Lee Merriweather, who I always forget about.

Fun-BATMAN '66 fact: Adam and Eartha had a hot offscreen affair during whichever season she was Catwoman and the directors had to tell them to tone down the onscreen steaminess so as not to upset conservative viewers and advertisers... 

[FatFreddysCat]

"The Stranger" (1995)
A lone lady biker (kickboxing champion Kathy Long) rides into a small Arizona burg on a mission of vengeance against the murderous motorcycle gang that's holding the town in a grip of terror.
So in other words, imagine "Stone Cold" with a hot blonde chick in place of Brian Bosworth.
"The Stranger" is a pretty typical 90s direct-to-video action flick. Long's butt kickin' moves are on point (even if her acting chops leave something to be desired), the ultra-violence is impressive, and the supporting cast includes a young Danny (pre-Machete) Trejo and former porn queen Ginger Lynn. Better than I expected.

[M.10rda]

I really like DANCE OF THE DAMNED, btw. Be proud, Lester!

THE DEADLY ART OF SURVIVAL (1979):
Finally watched a "real" movie, though it's only 60 minutes long. I read about this, purported to be the cheapest and most amateurish kung fu movie ever made, years ago... but I'm bad w/ remembering titles sometimes, so on two previous occasions I stumbled upon other amateur productions where black guys kick each other in their moms' NYC living rooms and thought I must've been watching this movie. Then I uncovered it in my digital library Friday night and was confident I'd located the genuine article: there can truly be only one DEADLY ART OF SURVIVAL!

A cool brother (nominally our protagonist, I never caught his name so will just call him "Dude") gets jumped and beaten badly by a gang and vows revenge. The lead assailant is a Latino con man named "Handsome Harry" who was paid to kick Dude's ass by a honkey gangster, due to some drama involving the Asian counter girl at a chicken restaurant. In order to prepare himself for his campaign of retribution, Dude decides to open his own martial arts dojo, which furthers antagonizes Handsome Harry because Harry also runs a dojo where he charges small children $100 to learn how to open cans of soda. Harry therefore hires two ninja (!) to steal the tires from Dude's car and then to kidnap his baby (!!!). Possible SPOILER: Until it's kidnapped, it wasn't even clear to me that Dude had a baby. Honestly this plot is sometimes a bit hard to follow, what with lengthy inserts of a local Gospel church service, a disco dance party featuring none of the leads, and prolonged footage of Dude working out (mostly by throwing wild kicks randomly in the air).

TDAOS probably belongs in the "bad" movie section - there are many 1/5 passages - yet there are also plenty of inspired and even hilarious moments that deliver brief frissons of 5/5 pleasure. No one looks like they actually know martial arts (though Dude is obviously in great shape) and in a moment of revelation Dude ponders (in voice-over!) that perhaps "money is the true deadly art of survival", a ponderous declaration that belongs in an Ed Wood screenplay. That said, most of the dialogue in this film is remarkable in either its crisp authenticity or its humor, so one must deduce that writer/director Charlie Ahearn was either a legitimately good writer or at least good at casting funny friends who could improvise convincingly. (Early on there is a monologue about a P. Funk concert that could've been written by Tarantino.) Most of the performances hover around home video quality but some of the actors are unnervingly convincing or at least marvelously entertaining. NYC underground queen Beth B was one of the cinematographers (and plays a small role) and this probably explains why some of the camerawork is sincerely arresting in spite of the non-existent budget. Incidentally I know that Beth B was involved because her name appears in the closing credits, which is to say "the credits", as there are no opening credits nor titles - instead Dude looks into the camera and announces the title, his "starring" credit, and the writer/director credit for Ahearn! Yep, TDAOS was a real labor of love. 

3/5 The best kind of cheapjack nonsense.
I don't know if this was ever distributed officially. It's got Barry White, Chic's "Le Freak", and a cover of the Beatles' "Got To Get You Into My Life" playing on the soundtrack (as well as a bunch of random disco tracks), none of which I suspect Charlie Ahearn paid to license...

[lester1/2jr]

haha I couldn't do it. The dialogue was not 4 level. I just...

also Charles Ahearns "Wild Style" is the GOAT hip hop movie. The graffiti guys I knew in college watched in every day.

[FatFreddysCat]

"Dragnet" (1987)
Dan Aykroyd is hilarious as the tight-assed nephew of the original Joe Friday in this affectionate parody of the 1960s TV cop show. He's breaking in a free wheeling new partner (Tom Hanks) while investigating a series of bizarre crimes masterminded by a crooked TV evangelist (Christopher Plummer). Aykroyd's Jack Webb impression is dead on and Hanks' performance is very funny in one of his last second-banana roles before he became a leading man in his own right. I've seen this movie a bunch of times over the years and I always enjoy revisiting it.

"The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!" (1988)
Dim-bulb Detective Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) fumbles his way into a plot to kill the Queen of England during her royal visit to L.A. Along the way he romances Priscilla Presley (who's an absolute smoke show) and gets into a lot of slap-sticky action. This big screen version of the Zucker-Abrahans-Zucker ("Airplane!") team's short lived TV series was a huge hit that was followed by two sequels, and a reboot is apparently in the works right now with Liam Neeson (?) as Drebin. Not sure how that's gonna work, but this flick is still a hoot after all these years.

[Rev. Powell]

LOVE & CRIME (1969): His wife's suicide inspires a mortician to consider four famous Japanese crimes of passion, including Sade Abe, who was Lorena Bobbitt before Bobbitt was "in." These sleazy misogynist melodramas don't deserve the cinematic style Teruo Ishii expends on them. More grindhouse than anything--maybe this should go in the "bad movie" viewings thread? 2/5.

[Trevor]

I viewed the poster of SNOW WHITE at my local movie house today. 😉

[lester1/2jr]

Bloody Moon (1981) - I used to see this at the video store in the "rare horror" section. It's certainly not great, but better than I thought it would be. Spanish, but very Italian seeming.

A bunch of pretty girls attend a Spanish language school, complete with a high school style language lab, and eventually start getting killed off. It's the Italian Scooby Doo style mystery with a fair but not overwhelming amount of nudity and gore. The acting performances are not particularly strong and in general it's cheap and, while winningly decadent, not very memorable. It's one of those movies that's "hardcore" not because of how crazy it is, but because only people who are super duper into this genre have seen/ sat through it. Some nice camera work

3.75/ 5 next

[Rev. Powell]

BEACH RATS (2017): A teenage boy struggles balancing his father's imminent death, hanging out with his crew of macho delinquent buddies on the boardwalk, and the challenges of his first serious girlfriend with his hobby of meeting up with older men he meets on a sleazy gay video chat site. Beautifully acted and ultra-realist, it's one of those movies that probably really resonates if you're a gay male, but can be slow going for anyone else. 3/5.

[LordGraal]

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

I used to like this film back in the 80's and recently gave it a rewatch - it's a bizarre film. 

There are some incredibly melodramatic scenes featuring Kirk that are hilarious in that they're supposed to be emotional but end up backfiring.  This is either due to Shatner's own portrayal of Kirk or the director's instructions.  Kirk is also obnoxious and unlikeable for the most part.  The relationship between him and Decker becomes inconsistent as they suddenly seem to like each other even after Kirk has taken his command, endangered the ship and his decisions result in a character being kidnapped. I ended up wishing Decker's character had been a replacement for Kirk as I think Stephen Collins could've carried the film far better than Shatner (who knew about his misconduct at the time).  Spock and Bones are shoehorned in because they have to be there.  Spock just happens to have a plot handy telekinetic link with the intruder and Bones is retired and unfamiliar with the new Enterprise but we got to have him!  At least the other regulars are still in their usual roles so that's acceptable.

There's a strange detachment to most of the film as the spectacle overwhelms the characters.  A lot of the effects are still impressive today, particularly when the Enterprise enters the cloud.  There's an overlong slow motion sequence involving a wormhole that ends up being hilarious and then tedious.  However, I like the ending involving Decker and Ilia and there are some excellent 'ambient' sequences complimented by Jerry Goldsmith's score.

So it's a film that's all over the place and it was interesting to watch it again after decades - 2.5/5.

[RCMerchant]

^ I seen it once when it came out in 1979, and was seriously disappointed. One episode of the OS  had more heart, styrofoam boulders and all.

[LordGraal]

^ I seen it once when it came out in 1979, and was seriously disappointed. One episode of the OS  had more heart, styrofoam boulders and all.

I think they wanted it to be like 2001 and completely missed the appeal of the original Star Trek.  It's better than the latest films though.

[lester1/2jr]

Cow Town (1950) - I had never really seen a western before so I figured I'd give this a go. It ended up being kind of an odd experience, mainly due to the plot: the advent of barbed wire causing controversy on the wild west frontier.

Gene Autry is a cattle rancher and it's a whole cattle ranching area. Barbed wire seems like a godsend to people whose cows get away during big storms and stuff, but cattle rustlers want to foment an anti barbed wire movement! They do stuff like whip the cows and claim the fence did it and downplay it's cattle containing abilities. There was also some kind of anarchic the land should be free, this land is your land, sentiment I didn't quite grasp. At times, it's almost like an economics dissertation.

Autry sings several songs including "Buffalo Gal" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhSEwyFcJ08 and there are some gun and fist fights, but it's not super exciting. People in clean clothes falling in mud puddles is the level of humor. All in all, it was different and interesting but basically MST3k level. Needless to say, if you are a fan of barbed wire it is very highly recommended indeed.

4/5 "What the Hell did I just watch?"



edit - from the IMDB reviews like I said: an economics dissertation

"Concentrating on an ensuing confrontation instead of profitable herding, COULD result in some failures, which would cause non-payment of taxes, leading to a sheriff's sale of not-too-expensive real estate, which the bad guys would buy for sheep-grazing. "

[Rev. Powell]

Cow Town (1950) - I had never really seen a western before

Really? Wow.

[lester1/2jr]

anything I know about westerns comes from Tom and Jerry and Looney tunes.