Good one-liners for bad movies

[Mofo Rising]

So I was just sitting around thinking about RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 4: NECROPOLIS, which I had recently watched, and how terrible it was.  This is the thought that popped into my head:

"I'd say this movie is God-awful, but God had nothing to do with this."

Got me thinking, what are other good one-liners for terrible movies?  Let me start you off with this classic from BLOOM COUNTY:

"George Phblat's new film, 'Benji Saves the Universe,' has brought the word 'BAD' to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene... Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness!

Well, maybe not that bad, but Lord, it wasn't good."

[ulthar]

"I'd rather be cleaning the festering sores on a rhino's butt than watching this movie"

in reference to Legally Blonde II.

[Zapranoth]

"Please... k - -- k   ....  k-kill .. .  mee...."

[Fearless Freep]

Nathan usually has some very good ones in his reviews.

[Inyarear]

Well, one of my favorites (I don't remember just where I first read it) was in commenting on something that, apparently, was supposed to be funny in a movie that was bad in a retina-thrashing frontal-lobe-scrambling way:

"Ha ha ha! Kill me."

One line I thought of myself (if I were doing a review of Death Race 2000) is:

"This movie has no pretension to any artistic merit whatsoever but, mercifully, has no other pretensions either."

[LilCerberus]

I believe it was Nathan Shumate who once said "At this point, my vestigular suspension of disbelief gland jumped out of my left ear & made a break for it."

Film critic Rex Reed on Sid & Nancy:
There were two punk rockers sitting in the row behind me, and one of them said to the other, "This is like shooting-up with people you don't even like."

Something I tend to notice, is what I like to call the "Oooookay, so..." moment, which is that one point in a movie in which a character make a totally preposterous decision of some sort as a cheap way of moving the story along.

[LilCerberus]

A couple of not so memorable creations of my own.

Body of Evidence
A better title would've been "Cliche: The Movie".

Sky Captain and the World of tomorow
An epic masterpiece that throws in everything but a story!

[Zapranoth]

My favorite is from MST:

"And the name of this stinky cinematic suppository is..."

[loyal1]

For the movie "Unspeakable" with Dennis Hopper

Unspeakable: yup that pretty much sums it up.

[RCMerchant]

I was watching an Arnold Schwarztnegger (I hope I spelled that right) movie and my 11 year old said,in perfect Arnold voice " Change da channel if you want to live!'" I gotta grin outta that one.

[Neon Noodle]

There's always: "I'd rather be dipped in honey and tied to an anthill than watch this movie again."

[Ozzymandias]

Most of them relate to Andy Milligan films: Was it Maltin or Ebert said "Milligan's films look like they've been soaking in dirty dishwater."?  One reviewer said, "They look like the home movies of an insane family in Hell." His producers, the Mishkins, said, "He is the only guy that can make a porn film without any sex in it." Of course, Michael Weldon said, "If you are a fan of Andy Milligan there is no hope for you."

[The Burgomaster]

My favorite review was actually just ONE WORD.  It was for the movie SPHINX, starring Frank Langella.  The review in the newspaper said:

SPHINX: Stinks.

[ulthar]

One of the best I saw was actually a pictorial review of TOMB RAIDER by Rufus Jackson over at moviesthatsuck.com (that site used to be a LOT better than it is now...not sure what happened to them).

Unfortunately, the picture is gone now.  If you view the page

TOMB RAIDER review

and imagine that under the text there used to be a picture of a toilet not unlike the goatse guy (or tub girl) image.  (if you don't know what those are, do your own research; I'm feeling a bit queezy already tonight).

[loyal1]

Maybe this could help enlighten some people

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatse.cx