Recent viewings

[Jack]

Sorry Voltron but this one just didn't work for me    2/5.

Ah well Jack. I like the movie for it's faults more than anything. It's a very nostalgic movie for me. Maybe if I didn't love it when I was a kid I'd be a little harder on it I guess. Claws: I'd give Barbi's exam a 10/10 if it wasn't for her weird nipples. 

I'm exactly the same way, if I loved it as a kid then I'll love it as an adult.  If I saw Star Wars for the first time today I'd probably say C3PO ruined the movie and be complaining about how Luke could be a top-notch fighter pilot even though he'd never even flown one before.  But because those things didn't bother me in the slightest when I was a kid, they don't bother me at all now either.   

[Kooshmeister]

A Good Day to Die Hard. 

[alandhopewell]

     LOW BLOW (1986)

No, this isn't a film about running out of cocaine, although the title may refer to how the viewer might feel after watching this.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3pZNXLK5vM


 Leo Fong (?)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Fong

plays the hero, a private detective out to rescue Troy Donahue's daughter from a California cult titularly headed by Cameron Mitchell, although the real brains, you should pardon the expression, is a crazy black chick who loves torturing folks.

    It's Crown international, it's 1986, it's from this Mill Creek set....



    you do the math.

[Jack]

Slave of the Cannibal God (1978) - Ursula Andress goes to New Guinea to search for her husband, who was on a jungle safari and disappeared. She hires Stacy Keach to be her guide. They traipse through the jungle for about an hour, eventually being captured by a tribe of cannibals who don't have the best of intentions. I guess this was okay.  The characters weren't developed much but it did have a neat twist to the plot. It does its best to gross you out a few times, like the iguana slaughtering scene and even worse IMO, when they've got a dead and putrifying body and there's like, yucky stuff covering his face and the cannibal dude rubs his hands over it and then smears some of it on Ursula's face. 3/5.

[FatFreddysCat]

"Paintball" (2009)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qabBbJPxFMQ

A group of bickering twenty-somethings head off into the woods for a so-called "extreme paintball" experience... but soon they're being picked off one by one by someone using live ammo, not paintballs. Shaky-cam irritation ensues.

"Paintball" could have been a decent suspense/thriller but the amateur-night performers and sloppy direction kill this one virtually from the get-go. The characters are all cardboard cut outs with no depth to them, so you don't even care when they start getting killed off. None of the performers can act, either, so even if the script gave them more to do than stumble around in the woods screaming F-bombs at each other, they probably wouldn't have been able to pull it off anyway.

"Paintball" wishes it was "The Most Dangerous Game," but it's more like a cheap mix of bits stolen from "Hostel" and "Blair Witch Project," with some action movie cliche's sprinkled on top. Avoid.

[lester1/2jr]

Alan- I recently watched Fong's "Blind rage" or something on Thistv. They trained a bunch of blind people to do a robbery because no one would suspect them! One of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen.

Dark Skies (2013) - Keri Russel (Felicity, The Babysitter's Seduction) takes on some aliens with the help of her somewhat irritating husband and standard issue kids. It was a lot less abrasive than, say, Sinister but still scary and very entertaining. The director did a good job of showing how uncomfortable and embarrassing it can be to have some sort of supernatural issue in your house. Is the whole thing a metaphor for like mental illness or something? Usually good horror movies have me asking those kinds of questions 5/5

[Rev. Powell]

MAGIC MAGIC (2013): A shy and emotionally fragile American girl is trapped with four strangers in a vacation home in Chile when her friend ditches her to deal with personal issues. Well acted, with a decent atmosphere of subtle paranoia; unfortunately, the script is missing the narrative hooks to draw you into its REPULSION-lite scenario. 2.5/5.

[claws]

Slave of the Cannibal God (1978) - Ursula Andress goes to New Guinea to search for her husband, who was on a jungle safari and disappeared. She hires Stacy Keach to be her guide. They traipse through the jungle for about an hour, eventually being captured by a tribe of cannibals who don't have the best of intentions. I guess this was okay.  The characters weren't developed much but it did have a neat twist to the plot. It does its best to gross you out a few times, like the iguana slaughtering scene and even worse IMO, when they've got a dead and putrifying body and there's like, yucky stuff covering his face and the cannibal dude rubs his hands over it and then smears some of it on Ursula's face. 3/5.

I hope it was the complete uncut version. There's an edited version missing the infamous cannibal humping pig scene 

[alandhopewell]

Alan- I recently watched Fong's "Blind rage" or something on Thistv. They trained a bunch of blind people to do a robbery because no one would suspect them! One of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen.

    You got that right....
Dark Skies (2013) - Keri Russel (Felicity, The Babysitter's Seduction) takes on some aliens with the help of her somewhat irritating husband and standard issue kids. It was a lot less abrasive than, say, Sinister but still scary and very entertaining. The director did a good job of showing how uncomfortable and embarrassing it can be to have some sort of supernatural issue in your house. Is the whole thing a metaphor for like mental illness or something? Usually good horror movies have me asking those kinds of questions 5/5

[lester1/2jr]

The comments are funny http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077243/


"I can't disagree with any of the above reviews. There's never any real attempt to explain why using blind guys to rob a bank is such a great idea. Yes, no one would suspect blind guys of robbing a bank, but really, wouldn't a sighted electronic expert be more useful? At one point one of the cops posits that the blind men wouldn't be able to identify the "mastermind" (which seems an extremely generous description of Willie Black) because they are blind. Wouldn't it just be easier to kill the thieves after the crime. Dead men can't identify anybody either.

My favorite part of the movie though has to be the chase scene that starts at an International House of Pancakes and then ends up on the roof of an International House of Pancakes! The International House of Pancakes is also where the crime is planned at the beginning of the movie (a great place to plot a international crime).

That's really too much International House of Pancakes for one movie."

[Jack]

Schizoid (1980) - some women all go to the same group therapy session hosted by Klaus Kinski, and a killer is knocking them off at a very leisurely pace. About the only thing of interest here is Kinski doing his usual Kinsky thing, and his terrible relationship with his daughter. Once in a while somebody who had two lines of dialogue back at the beginning of the movie and hasn't been seen in the last half hour gets killed. Um, why should I care about a character I don't even remember? They basically spent the whole movie setting up a big red herring and then at the end it's like "Oh it was that guy." Sigh. "Remember that one line of dialogue that this insignificant secondary character said an hour ago? Yeah that was his motivation." How satisfying. Boring for the first hour, picked up a bit in the last half hour. It did have some okay atmosphere I guess. 2/5.

[indianasmith]

Last night I watched a low-budget anthology called THE DARK DEALER.  So lame and boring I had a hard time following it.  Avoid.

[Rev. Powell]

MST3K: DANGER! DEATH RAY: Fake Euro-Bond "Bart Fargo" investigates the theft of a death ray. In Deep 13, Frank has become a talent agent and Hollywood phony. The movie ha a SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON vibe to it (incompetent action sequences, lots of flirty scenes) although the plot is a lot more coherent. For whatever reason, these Italian spy ripoffs seldom work as MST3K episodes for me. Still I laughed several times so a 3.5/5.

[Jack]

Slave of the Cannibal God (1978) - Ursula Andress goes to New Guinea to search for her husband, who was on a jungle safari and disappeared. She hires Stacy Keach to be her guide. They traipse through the jungle for about an hour, eventually being captured by a tribe of cannibals who don't have the best of intentions. I guess this was okay.  The characters weren't developed much but it did have a neat twist to the plot. It does its best to gross you out a few times, like the iguana slaughtering scene and even worse IMO, when they've got a dead and putrifying body and there's like, yucky stuff covering his face and the cannibal dude rubs his hands over it and then smears some of it on Ursula's face. 3/5.

I hope it was the complete uncut version. There's an edited version missing the infamous cannibal humping pig scene 

I don't specifically remember that, but then again it was pretty dark in those caves.  Which is sort of fortunate actually 

[BakuryuuTyranno]

On the upside, I've only seen 7-8 wretched movies this year, which is inconvenient only for bottom 10 listings' reasons.

No Tell Motel

Good:

At least the opening kill lead into the story
It seems to be building characters...

Bad:

But then, the most likable character dies first and we learn little regarding the others.
Jump scares, the hallmark of horror the filmmakers couldn't be bothered putting effort into.
The ending seemed as though it had guts, then negated that aspect entirely.
Oh and in the tradition of bad splatter flicks, you know who's going to die.

Rating: 2/5