My Dad

[RCMerchant]

My Dad is coming to visit tomorrow. I haven't really seen too much of him in years.  I talked with him on the phone. He's 72. Kinda scary. My memories of him as a child run from love to hate. He was my dad...but he was also a wife beater. I hated him...but yet....I love him. He's not an evil man...just at the time, in the sixties and early seventies...an insane drunk. But he's not that person any more. He cries about his past. He lives in shame. I don't want him to die thinking I hate him...because I don't. He took me to movies. Taught me to shot a shotgun and ride a dirtbike. Bought my comic books. Made the best meat and beans inna pan. Taught me to fish for suckers outta the crick. He also beat my Ma black and blue...and us kids. I dunno....just felt the need to say something.  I dunno.

[indianasmith]

God only gives us one set of parents.  They may be good, bad, or indifferent, but they brought us into the world and shaped us in more ways than we can know.  If I can offer one small piece of advice, it would be to make your peace with him.  Enjoy what time with him you can, because it is fleeting and regret is eternal.

I'll say a prayer that all goes well.

[Patient7]

Good luck RC, I hope you can find the right words that can really capture how you feel about your Dad.

[RCMerchant]

Thank you. I  thank you. i don't have a lot of freinds since I quit socializing with drunks. I live very much the life of a hermit. I consider everyone on this board a freinfd I can talk to. If not...I would not discuss such a personal subject. Sometimes it just helps to say it.

[Allhallowsday]

Hey BELA, my Dad died 16 years ago... and all I can say about the stormy relationship we had was that I felt just the way you do.  I wish I had an opportunity to at least hash it all out.  My Dad is gone, but your dad is still a young man (my Mom, who lives, was 83 on thursday) and even reformed as you pointed out.  You have a wonderful opportunity to connect with your father and forgive him.  The greatest gift you can give yourself is to forgive someone else. 

[CheezeFlixz]

I still have my Dad ... he is not the Dad now I grew up with, he's a mellow grandpa. But my Mother and here it is Mother Day weekend, I have no idea where she is, haven't seen or heard from her in years, I stopped looking and fretting over it years ago. I do not even know if she is still a live.

Good luck with you Dad RC, nothing ever good come from reliving the past. It's best to try and start anew than to try and fix what was broken.

[RCMerchant]

Hey BELA, my Dad died 16 years ago... and all I can say about the storny relationship we had was that I felt just the way you do.  I wish I had an opportunity to at least hash it all out.  My Dad is gone, but your dad is still a young man (my Mom, who lives, was 83 on thursday) and even reformed as you pointed out.  You have a wonderful opportunity to connect with your father and forgive him.  The greatest gift you can give yourself is to forgive someone else. 

I still have my Dad ... he is not the Dad now I grew up with, he's a mellow grandpa. But my Mother and here it is Mother Day weekend, I have no idea where she is, haven't seen or heard from her in years, I stopped looking and fretting over it years ago. I do not even know if she is still a live.

Good luck with you Dad RC, nothing ever good come from reliving the past. It's best to try and start anew than to try and fix what was broken.

Thank you both. It's all wise advise. I'm not very good with relationships. My wify doesn't even want them over. I don't know why. She won't tell me. But I WANT them over I NEED this. You guys are great. I am sorry I bugged you with my personal nonsensense.

[Zapranoth]

Good luck to you, RC.  You seem like a decent guy, and I can't imagine having that kind of past to forgive.  But I think the advice to forgive, is good advice.  If you can.    I lost my dad a few years ago, and that is a hard thing.   

For me, Dad was always where the buck stopped when I needed guidance, or even good advice, on the big things (career direction and things like that)... you don't realize what kind of lead you take from your dad, until he's gone.

[Jack]

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to forgive someone else. 

Yeah, that's what I would have said if I was good with words 

Good Luck RC, hope all goes well.

[badmovielovers]

Only God can really pass judgement so if he knows he did wrong in the past I say let go and enjoy now while you still have it!

[Raffine]

Good luck with you Dad RC, nothing ever good come from reliving the past. It's best to try and start anew than to try and fix what was broken.

Very wise words.

My dad was a difficult fellow when we were growing up but I'm glad we became friends (we were always more alike than different) before he died - and we even discovered a shared love for PLANET OF THE APES and B movies. His last Christmas present to me was a big box of DVDs, including KILL, BABY, KILL and VOYAGE TO THE PREHISTORIC PLANET.

I hope you and your family have a great time with your dad.

[Rev. Powell]

Good luck, RC.  I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my parents.  My mother didn't have a good relationship with her parents, who were abusive alcoholics, but I got to watch her forgive them and move on.  They never apologized to her, or even admitted what they had done, the way she always hoped they would.  But I can't imagine how she would have turned out if she hadn't been able to put it behind her. 

Sounds like you have a good and balanced grip on the situation.

The only advice I would give is not to have unrealistic expectations.  Maybe this meeting will heal everything that went on between you in the past; maybe not.  Take it, and enjoy it, for what it's worth.

[RCMerchant]

Well...Dad came over today with my stepma,Mary Jo...and we had a GREAT DAY!!!! They brought a cheese cake,and we drank coffee and looked at old Christmas pictures from the 70's. Gawd....what goofy clothes we all wore! Theres even an old photo of me on my 12 birthday holding up a Bela Lugosi Remco Dracula doll...ooops-ACTION FIGURE- (heheh!)

It was the best day EVER!!! Karma to you all!

[Allhallowsday]

Well...Dad came over today with my stepma,Mary Jo...and we had a GREAT DAY!!!! They brought a cheese cake,and we drank coffee and looked at old Christmas pictures from the 70's. Gawd....what goofy clothes we all wore! Theres even an old photo of me on my 12 birthday holding up a Bela Lugosi Remco Dracula doll...ooops-ACTION FIGURE- (heheh!)

It was the best day EVER!!! Karma to you all!

Remco?  Not Mego?  Let's see... 1962...?  12 years...?  1974 (Azrak Hamway - AHI - or Mego).  Remco's Dracula is several years later, maybe 1979...?  Scan the pic!  I'd really like to see you with that... "action figure."    

Okay, the old collector in me aside, it sounds wonderful that you had a good meeting with your Dad!!  I saw my own Mom today after nearly 3 years (she was 83 Thursday).  My niece turned 16 (Wednesday) so most of us were at her birthday party today including many old friends (but not ever' body...)    Family stuff can be tough, but I can't help but love 'em.  I had a great time, too!!

[Patient7]

Well...Dad came over today with my stepma,Mary Jo...and we had a GREAT DAY!!!! They brought a cheese cake,and we drank coffee and looked at old Christmas pictures from the 70's. Gawd....what goofy clothes we all wore! Theres even an old photo of me on my 12 birthday holding up a Bela Lugosi Remco Dracula doll...ooops-ACTION FIGURE- (heheh!)

It was the best day EVER!!! Karma to you all!

It feels good to know that if two people haven't seen each other in years they can still meet, have a nice time, and hopefully say anything that needs to be said.