Gross joke thread?

[Mr. DS]

A dating couple desperate for something new in their love life decide to take dumps on each other one night.  They find it oddly attractive and decide to do it again on their next date in three days. The guy decides he really wants to please her so he takes a bunch of anti-diarhea medicine to save up a big load.  When they got together in three days, the guy stands above the girl and tries hard to take a dump.  He keeps pushing and pushing and nothing will come out.  He looksdown and the girl iss crying.  When he asks what was wrong she replies,  "We do this new thing once and you're already out cheating on me."

[AndyC]

This guy goes into a whorehouse and says "I have an unusual fetish. Do you have any girls with boils or acne?"
"You're in luck," said the madam. "We have one girl with a rather large, infected boil on the back of her neck."
The guy is delighted, and pretty soon he has this hooker in a room and he starts sucking on the boil and squeezing it and getting all the pus out.
At this point, the girl accidentally lets a tiny fart escape, and the guy stops.
"What are you trying to do, gross me out?"

[Dave M]

How do you eat a frog?





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Put a leg over each ear.

It's a thinker.

[Mr. DS]

Three guys break down in front of a farm house.  They visit the farm owner who is a kindly old man.  He guarantees them he'll fix their car but at this point its too dark to do anything.  He offers them a triple bunk bed for the night in the barn. 

The guy on the top bunk in the middle of the night wakes up and has to take a dump.  He realizes that its a long cold trek to the outhouse so he takes his dump in the pillow case and throws it down.

The guy in the middle bunk wakes up with the same problem and also ops for taking a dump in the pillow case.  He throws it down and calls it a night

In the morning all three guys are eating breakfast when the old farm owner returns.  He says, "Your car will be all set soon, how'd you guys sleep?"  The guys who slept in the two two bunks rave over the good night sleep they had.  The guy who slept in the bottom bunk says, "It was ok up until two ghosts floated down in the middle of the night.  Its ok though, I beat the sh*t out of both of them."

[AndyC]

This woman, who is a big country music fan of the "new country" variety, goes into a tattoo parlour and asks to have portraits of Kenny Chesney and Keith Urban tattooed on her inner thighs. The artist completes the job, but when he lets her check out his handiwork, she gets angry.
"They're both terrible," she says. "I can't even tell who they're supposed to be."
The tattoo artist is offended by this, and insists that his work is excellent.
"All right," said the woman. "We'll ask a third party."
She walks out the back door of the shop, and approaches a wino in the alley. She plops down in front of him, hikes up her skirt and says "which country singers are these?"
The wino is a bit confused, but takes a close look, going from one thigh to the other. Finally, he looks up.
"I don't know who the other two guys are, but the one in the middle is Willie Nelson."

[Trevor]

Three guys break down in front of a farm house.  They visit the farm owner who is a kindly old man.  He guarantees them he'll fix their car but at this point its too dark to do anything.  He offers them a triple bunk bed for the night in the barn. 

The guy on the top bunk in the middle of the night wakes up and has to take a dump.  He realizes that its a long cold trek to the outhouse so he takes his dump in the pillow case and throws it down.

The guy in the middle bunk wakes up with the same problem and also ops for taking a dump in the pillow case.  He throws it down and calls it a night

In the morning all three guys are eating breakfast when the old farm owner returns.  He says, "Your car will be all set soon, how'd you guys sleep?"  The guys who slept in the two two bunks rave over the good night sleep they had.  The guy who slept in the bottom bunk says, "It was ok up until two ghosts floated down in the middle of the night.  Its ok though, I beat the sh*t out of both of them."

Karma!

[AndyC]

Tarzan is out swinging through the jungle one day when a vine breaks and he suffers a serious fall. He's rushed to a jungle hospital, but is so badly injured he requires a number of transplants. The doctor uses what is at hand and gives him gorilla arms, cheetah legs and an elephant's trunk for a dick. At a follow-up visit, the doctor asks him how the new parts are working out.
"The gorilla arms are great," said Tarzan. "I can lift twice as much as before and swing through the trees for hours and not get tired."
The doctor makes a note of this.
"And the cheetah legs are fantastic," said Tarzan. "I can run faster than ever."
The doctor makes a note of this, and seems very pleased.
"But there is one small problem," said Tarzan.
"What's that?" asked the doctor.
"My dick keeps ripping up grass and shoving it up my butt."

[Trevor]

"The gorilla arms are great," said Tarzan. "I can lift twice as much as before and swing through the trees for hours and not get tired."
The doctor makes a note of this.
"And the cheetah legs are fantastic," said Tarzan. "I can run faster than ever."
The doctor makes a note of this, and seems very pleased.
"But there is one small problem," said Tarzan.
"What's that?" asked the doctor.
"My dick keeps ripping up grass and shoving it up my butt."

Karma!

[Trevor]

Poor Indian chap in court......

Judge: "Tell me why were you beaten up in public?"

Indian chap: "Oh blimey, Your Honour, I was in a crowded bus, my photo fell out of my wallet, so I said to the lady in front of me: "Aunty, please lift your sari, I want to take photo."

[dean]

Man we've already started with the baby jokes?  Have we gotten to that level yet?

I suppose I should add:

Q.  What happens when you put a baby in the microwave?

A.  I don't know: I was too busy masturbating...

[ghouck]

Anyone who wants to hear a highly offensive, politically incorrect joke, PM Me. Warning, it may offend one of more of the following: Women, Republicans, or Handicapped people. Don't say you've not been warned.

No takers?

[Patient7]

Not a gross joke but it's quite funny and at the end of the clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqZOA7zDfk4

At the risk of proving that I'm retarded, I must confess that I don't get the joke. .

That is the joke itself, it makes no sense and is there just for shock value.

[JJ80]

Not last night but the night before,
Three little monkeys came to the door,
One had a banjo, one had a drum,
And one had a pancake stuck to it's.....

[Mr. DS]

What kind of VD did Harry Potter contract from performing beastiality?
Hog Warts

What does Miss Piggy use for douche?
Hogwash

A woman is breast feeding her baby when out of nowhere she gets her peroid.  The baby poke it's head up and says, "Aw ma, I could have had a V8!"

Anyone who wants to hear a highly offensive, politically incorrect joke, PM Me. Warning, it may offend one of more of the following: Women, Republicans, or Handicapped people. Don't say you've not been warned.

No takers?

PM me with it.   

[AndyC]

What does Miss Piggy use for douche?
Hogwash

That reminds me. What's green and slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit's finger.

And Ghouck, send me the joke as well.