Numbingly Bad Movies

[Metropolisforever]

There are certain movies that go beyond the realm of mere awful-ness.  There are some movies that have a numbing effect on your soul.  These movies are so awful that they make you lose your faith in humanity.  Warring civilizations may destroy each other by the busload while feuding over which deity to worship, but perhaps if we could convince them all to gather in one theater for a screening of these movies, their shared disdain for the films would be enough to get everyone working toward the common goal of ensuring that audiences are never again subjected to such inane excrement.  These are the movies that would actually justify going back in time and killing the Lumière brothers, thus preventing the movie camera from ever being invented.

One day, aliens will land on Earth, offering us answers to the secrets of the Universe. But, because of films like these, they will deem us unworthy and return to the Heavens once more in their carbon-free interstellar cruisers.

Yes, folks, these movies are so bad that God actually had doubts about creating the Heavens and the Earth, because He knew that these movies would eventually be made.

Can YOU name any of these movies?

[Psycho Circus]

Two words....

Party Crasher 

(...actually falling asleep thinking about it)

[The Burgomaster]

Low budget:  CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN (my pick for worst movie of all time . . . tremendously boring).

Big budget:  DUNE (the David Lynch version).  Nearly unwatchable.

[Jack]

When it comes to a truly mind numbing experience, I can't think of anything better than Manos Hands of Fate.  I couldn't even make it halfway through the MST3K version of it.  The sheer and stupendous inanity of it...the absurd, asinine, daft, empty, foolish, futile, harebrained, idiotic, illogical, imbecilic, insipid, laughable, meaningless, mindless, pointless, puerile, ridiculous, sappy, senseless, unintelligent, vacant, vacuous, vapid, weak  worthlessness of it...the mind wobbles.

[peter johnson]

The Beast of Yucca Flats!
* * *
It starts out with badly insistent narration while nothing is happening, and one of the slowest, dumbest car-chase scenes ever made . . . plus Tor Johnson as an atomic scientist . . . you'd think you could laugh at the badness of it, but this film is a lesson in pacing:  Fast bad is funny.  Slooowww bad is just . . . bad!

Lesson learned:  1959 Plymouth Vailant sedans were primarily used by Soviet agents as all-terrain vehicles . . .

peter johnson/denny crane

[Cthulhu]

Eegah.
THE PAIN!
Arch Hall jr. playing on a guitar!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!!

The Beast of Yucca Flats!
peter johnson/denny crane

Actually, I think that's kinda funny.

When it comes to a truly mind numbing experience, I can't think of anything better than Manos Hands of Fate.  I couldn't even make it halfway through the MST3K version of it.  The sheer and stupendous inanity of it...the absurd, asinine, daft, empty, foolish, futile, harebrained, idiotic, illogical, imbecilic, insipid, laughable, meaningless, mindless, pointless, puerile, ridiculous, sappy, senseless, unintelligent, vacant, vacuous, vapid, weak  worthlessness of it...the mind wobbles.

Oh yes, Manos is quite an...experience.
It caused great amounts of pain when I first watched it....but then I saw it again..4 times.
I gotta say, I have a very unique relationship with that movie...I'm beginning to think that it's a surreal masterpiece.

[dolemite]

cassandra cat (This movie is a complete piece of s@#t  never watch it.)

[indianasmith]

BULLY.  Hated every minute of it, despite the presence of some fairly attractive females.

[akiratubo]

Teknolust.

Big budget:  DUNE (the David Lynch version).  Nearly unwatchable.

Que?  One of my all-time favorite movies.

[Rev. Powell]

MOON OF THE WOLF (1972, TV).

[TheDope]

MOON OF THE WOLF (1972, TV).

Hence, its inclusion in just about every dollar store and multi-DVD "horror" pack.

For boredom, however, none come close to the horror that is the un-MST'ied version of Track of the Moon Beast.  Better than a sleeping pill and more effective than tryptophan at Thanksgiving. 

[sideorderofninjas]

Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla

Fat Spy, any moviie that has a guy singing a love song about Phyllis Diller, it's Cthuluriffic

Massacre, a low budget cop movie from the mid 1980s. 

[zombie no.one]

SPEED 2

SUBURBIA

CLERKS 2

I DON'T WANT TO BE BORN (1977 - Joan Collins - do not go there. warning)

[asimpson2006]

BULLY.  Hated every minute of it, despite the presence of some fairly attractive females.

I hated it after I watched it as well.  It wouldn't have been as bad, if there wasn't all the sex and rape scenes in there, and I didn't need to some someones buttocks or pubic hair every few seconds either.  Then it might have been half-decent.

[peter johnson]

Again, taste is a peculiar thing --

I found EEGAH! to be quite funny & fun, what with the day-for-night photography, the very visible burlap peeling off the plywood walls of the "cave" wherein we first meet Eegah, the swimming pool scene, etc.  It made me laugh a lot, but I probably wouldn't see it again -- Certainly, it didn't bore me the way THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS did -- I think I found BEAST especially boring because I'd just enjoyed watching Roger Corman's THE BEGINNING OF THE END just before, 2 films from the same era, and BEAST just couldn't hold up in comparison.

peter johnson/denny crane