[PRtG] Robert Rodriguez to direct a remake of ________ ?

[Kester Pelagius]

Welcome to Press Release the Game [PRtG].  This is how the game works.  You fill in the blank and complete the press release with "starring Rose McGowan" (or another actress of your choosing).  And include a one sentence follow-up blurb.  Extra points for paraphrases of actual RR press comments.  For example:

Robert Rodriguez to direct a remake of DEEP THROAT, starring Rose McGowan. In an interview with MTV news Rodriguez indicated "this will be something else" that it's not a remake but rather "a reboot starting over using a different approach" with a theatrical release planned for June 2010.

Your turn.

[Skull]

Robert Rodriguez to direct a remake of Star Wars starring Tiffany Pollard to play the New Darth Vader.


In an interview with MTV news Rodriguez indicated "I'm going to really test the Star Wars fan's with a swift kick in the nuts. I'll be much worse then George Lucas."

Tiffany Pollard is a reality tv actress better known as "New York" from the off the wall "I love New York reality show."

Rodriguez then adds, "Tiffany is almost like a real live Jar Jar Binks. Her voice and actions mirrors the Gungan perfectly... And we all know how much the Star Wars fan doesn't like Jar Jar Binks." Rodriguez then adds this breaking news, "My friend Quentin Tarantino is going to play Han "F'n" Solo."

[Doc Daneeka]

This is basically an ad-lib of the OP due to my enthusiasm, but...
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Robert Rodriguez to direct a remake of SAW, starring Zac Efron as Adam Gordon, a doctor fired for having an affair who is trapped in a bathroom with a disgraced cop named Eric Matthews, played by TWILIGHT heartthrob Robert Pattinson. After cutting off their feet to escape, they are menaced by the Jigsaw killer (Javier Bardem) who stalks them through a booby-trapped building. In an interview with MTV news Rodriguez indicated "this will be something else", that it's not a remake but rather "a reboot combining the best elements of all the movies" with a theatrical release planned for June 2010.

[Javakoala]

Robert Rodriguez to direct a remake of 12 ANGRY MEN, starring Rose McGowan. In an interview with MTV news Rodriguez indicated "this film means something deeply personal," that it's not a remake but rather "an updating with more contemporary social commentary...and guns, lots of guns." It will feature an uncredited Quentin Tarantino cameo as legless, hideously-scarred Iraqi veteran for comic relief. It has a projected theatrical release planned for June 2010.

[Fausto]

Robert Rodriguez to direct a remake of Titanic, starring Ashlee Simpson in the Leonardo DiCaprio role. It will feature Rosie O'Donnel as the ship and a special appearance by Courtney Love as an enchanted sea hag. Filming begins next month.

[Rev. Powell]

Robert Rodriguez is slated to direct a "reflux" of MY DINNER WITH ANDRE, starring Rose McGowan and Quentin Tarantno and retitled MY DINNER WITH ANDREA.  "This is not a remake, in the traditional sense," insits Rodriguez.  "I just took someone else's idea and script and crossed out all the boring stuff and put in things today's audiences will relate to."  For example, Andre's speech about the nature of reality has been replaced with an ad-libbed Tarantino monologue about homosexual practices among Smurfs.  Rodriguez assures audiences that all the nudity will be "hot, but tasteful."