Favorite TV Quotes

[ghouck]

I'll start:

"Roses are red,
Violets are flowers,
You'll be on your own,
for hours and hours"

Roz to Dan Fielding, pointing out he won't have a date for the evening.
Night Court.

[Doggett]

"I scratch your back, you stick a knife in mine." - Rimmer, Red Dwarf

"Quinn, I know that plently of guys want to go out with you and pleanty of girls want to go out with me and that makes me think we should be together" - Some Bloke, Daria

[Psycho Circus]

From "Miami Vice" :


Switek: "Did you roll some queer for that shirt?"

Crockett: "No stan, your mom gave me this shirt.....and it wasn't my birthday."

[Nightowl]

"God, what a day in the shoe store. We had a clearance sale. We had to get rid of all our size 13DDDD. The store was packed with women. Well, there were actually only two in the store, but it was wall to wall."

-Al (Married With Children)

[Psycho Circus]

"God, what a day in the shoe store. We had a clearance sale. We had to get rid of all our size 13DDDD. The store was packed with women. Well, there were actually only two in the store, but it was wall to wall."

-Al (Married With Children)

Every Al Bundy quote is gold. 

[LilCerberus]

"One o'- I say, one o' these things has got to be a chicken!" - The Chicken Hawk

"Imagine that! Somebody put an ad in the paper just to reach me!" - ...  "I wonder why they couldn't have just called." - Peter Tork, The Monkees

[ghouck]

"He's (the younger brother) been in the bathroom for three hours now, which means he's either really, really GOOD at it, or really, really BAD at it"

Darlene, from the TV show 'Roseanne'

[HappyGilmore]

"We're gonna have a child? Wait, we've only kissed.  I know I was a good kisser, but wow." Cory, in Boy Meets World

"Duckies Rule!" Eric, Boy Meets World

"Hmm, double d's.  Just like your grades."  Mr. Feeny, Boy Meets World

"No I don't think it's funny.  I think it's the opposite of funny.  I think it's wood."  Cory, Boy Meets World.

"Life's tough, get a helmet."  Eric, Boy Meets World

There's like, a hundred more stupid lines I love from this show.

[InformationGeek]

Lou: You know what?  You've got spunk.
Mary: Well, yes...
Lou: I HATE spunk!

From, The Mary Tyler Moore Show



Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork gets shot by a drunken hunter.

Homer:  Honey, you don't strike.  You go into work every day and do a half-assed job.  That's the American way!

Homer: Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably.  The lesson is: never try.

From, The Simspons

I could keep it up with more quotes from the show, but there are too many to count, not enough time to show them all, and not enough room to fit them all as well.

[AndyC]

"Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at the retirement dinner you can eat them."

- Cliff Clavin

[skully13]

"The last thing left to do is hang yourself with your underwear."

                  -Random Show Quote

[WingedSerpent]

From Family Guy:  Brain is poinitng a gun at Mayor Adam West.

West:  I should warn you.  I have a tiny bullet proof sheild hidden somewhere on my body.  If you shoot and hit it, all be unharmed. You'll be the laughing stock of me

[Flangepart]

(Singing) "I'm in love, I'm in love with attila-the hun, attila the hun-attila the hun!
Though he'll pillage, a village, and kill everyone-I still love, attila-the huuuuun!"

Buddy Sorrel / The Dick Van Dyke show.

[LilCerberus]

"I wonder what's on TV in Hell." - Family Guy

[AndyC]

"I understand everything perfectly!  Ginger isn't Ginger anymore, because Mary Ann isn't who she was when Ginger wasn't who she is! Isn't that right Skipper?"

- Lovey Howell