Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer...

[Flangepart]

Pepper... Dr. Ima Pepper.

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

Yes, but only if they're electric Scotsmen, Jimmy.

Are you hungry for some action?

[Derf]

Not really. But I could go for some onion rings.


Why would angels want to dance on the head of a pin, much less gather there in numbers?

[Flangepart]

Actually, it's a pinHEAD...his name is Zippy, and he averages about 342 angels per hour. They dance in shifts.

When someone is 'hornswoggled', what is the amount of horn compared to the swoggeling?

[Derf]

The average ratio of horn to swoggle is 4:9, though your results may vary. There was an interesting case once of a man whose horn swoggled so easily that he was named village idiot despite having an IQ of 155. He was brilliant, but he just couldn't quite understand why everyone around him did such mean, selfish things. That, and he loved to roll in dung.


What does a guy have to do to get a sandwich around here?

[Flangepart]

Beat the Hamburgler over the head with a trunchion, and get his swag.

Specifically, why is Godzilla sexually frustrated?

[claws]

Because he's too busy giving Godzilla face palms

Why can't Starbucks sell "small," "medium," and "large" drinks?

[Flangepart]

Because pretentious snobs have high vocabularies.


Exactly which star does Buck live on, anyhoo?

[Derf]

Third star to the right, straight on till morning, next door to Neverland. And believe me, those kids will not keep off his lawn.


How exactly can one fit four and twenty blackbirds into a pie in such a way that they are still able to sing when the pie is opened?

[Flangepart]

They never mentioned they were Robot Blackbirds, did they? Idiots!

What do you do with a drunken sailor?

[JaseSF]

Watch over him or her so he or she doesn't fall overboard.

Where's the beef?

[Derf]

In the bun, if ya get what I'm sayin'. Ba-da-boom!

And if you do get what I'm saying, please explain it to me.


Do you hear what I hear?

[Flangepart]

Yes, and the constant bleating is gettin' on my last nerve! Stupid sheep...

When will the last unicorn find a virgin?

[Derf]

It won't, because it fell in love with a passing narwhal and moved into Davy Jones's locker.



Why can't all animals have names that are as fun to say as "narwhal"?

[Flangepart]

Only humans think Narwhal is fun to say. Animals don't have opposable tongues.


Can a Cannes Can-Can dancer do the Can-Can on her can in Cannes with James Caan?

[Derf]

Indeed she can, even while eating a can of peas under a canopy.


Would you rather eat a vegan hot dog (made of vegetable lips, tongues and anal sphincters) or a tub of popcorn slathered in veal juice?