things you learned from video games

[AndyC]

A soldier can carry about eight weapons, most of them fairly large, along with ammo, body armour and miscellaneous items, and still quite easily run and fight.

Crashing your car into a wall at high speed will cause it to spin around a few times, then continue driving.

The solution to rising crime rates is to build a police station every few blocks.

WWII fighter planes were studded with multiple machine guns that only worked under certain circumstances, and stopped working when hit by enemy fire. Luckily, each plane had a supply of bombs that would destroy everything in view of the pilot.

All my base are belong to them.

[Javakoala]

All my base are belong to them.

Sweet.  I couldn't figure out how to work that one in.

[Jack]

It really sucks to be the only guy on a motorcycle in a monster truck race 

- Motorstorm Pacific Rift

[AndyC]

The most difficult thing about cooking is outrunning the roving mobs of homicidal sausages, pickles and fried eggs.

[Andrew]

Snakes sleep in large pottery vases after they swallow whole chicken eggs, and if you kill the snake and eat the egg, it will heal serious wounds.

It is possible to walk across lava, if you do it quickly.

People on fire tend to run around in circles.

Getting hit in the face with a rocket launcher is not always fatal.

If you see a hungry dog, you should give it a sandwich.

The world is a cornucopia of ammunition, medicine, and pieces of bulletproof armor.

[Andrew]

The most difficult thing about cooking is outrunning the roving mobs of homicidal sausages, pickles and fried eggs.

Sir, this was genius.  My hat off to you.

[Jack]

The most difficult thing about cooking is outrunning the roving mobs of homicidal sausages, pickles and fried eggs.

I think you used the wrong kind of mushrooms in that dish 

[Trevor]

If Uwe Boll makes a movie based on your favourite video game, it is bound to stink as much (if not more) than my undies. 

[ghouck]

People can just materialize out of thin air, but still need to catch a cab to get where they're going (Space Taxi)

It is possible for a truck to withstand a 200 foot vertical drop (Every off-road truck racing game)

Explosions throw dead bodies dozens of yards, but not live ones (Counter strike)

Barrels know how to use ladders, and so do balls of fire (Donkey Kong)

You can machine gun a billion fully armed enemies, and NEVER damage any of their weapons or equipment, and never cause any ammo or grenades to explode (Counter Strike)

Planets explode when the last life form dies or is taken away (Defender)

The bigger the mob, the slower it moves (Space Invaders)

That big heavy weapon you just picked up only slows you down if you are wielding it. Put it away and get out your knife and you're back to running at full speed (Counter Strike)

A person can withstand several .45 rounds to the face, but a good sniper rifle kills with one shot to the arm or leg (Counter strike)

Shooting an armed time bomb does not effect it in any way (Counter Strike)

Running over a banana peel makes a car instantly wipe out (Mario Kart)

Trees help you maneuver a parachute (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

Bats carry dragons, even dragons with a live person in their stomach (Adventure)

Magnets always draw objects towards themselves rather than vice-versa, no matter what the difference in size is. Those objects move at a constant speed, no matter the distance between they and the magnet, or their size. (Adventure)

[AndyC]

Large buildings are designed with the rooms in a big, winding daisy chain, requiring people to pass through all of them in order to get anywhere.

Steel drums and wooden crates are the most common shipping containers available.

The secret to invincibility is IDDQD IDKFA.

[Mr. DS]

You are invincible if your eyes are glowing.  (Doom)

Tanks can send out shells that bounce off walls.  (Combat Atari 2600)

You are allowed to shoot an unlimited amount of ducks while hunting. (Duck Hunt)

Life will only get harder and faster the more you accomplish. (virtually any Atarti 2600 game)

Pro gamblers in casinos will only play you if you've beaten someone with less experience than they have first.  (Casino Kid)

[Psycho Circus]

Mentally ill kangaroo's are allowed to roam the jungle freely whilst possessing vast amounts of TNT & Nitro.

[AndyC]

Ostriches can fly.

Fruit tends to spontaneously appear, then vanish if not eaten immediately.

If a ghost is after you, pop some speed and eat it.

[Jack]

Your average guy can survive three or four good whacks with a lightsaber - Star Wars the Force Unleashed

People pee themselves.  Often. - Metal Gear Solid 2

The boundaries of the known world are defined by low piles of rubble - Project Snowblind

Being a secret agent mostly consists of wandering around wondering what in the hell you're supposed to do next - Rogue Op's 

If you break into a building, set off all the alarms and get all the guards chasing you, just go stand in the bathroom for a minute;  they'll forget all about you - Second Sight

[Leah]

there are such things as 4X4 golf carts (Mx vs. ATV unleashed)