THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[AndyC]

Century 21 Calling:

Mike: They want their gold jacket back.

Singer: In a needle up high, you can look through the eye, and you're seeing it all...
Crow (singing along): At the Annie Sprinkle show.

[Rev. Powell]

THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS

TOM: This movie stops at nothing.  And stays there.

[During a silent patch...]
TOM: Now would be a great time for some phrases... 'a woman's purse'... 'flag on the moon'.... 'a man murdered'... I'll check back later.

[Innocent man stumbles around after being shot from a plane]
CROW: I'm sick... I'm dying... and yet, I have a taste for nachos!

[Trevor]

MITCHELL

[Martin Balsam gets up off the park bench]
Joel: "Well, time for my stiffaerobics class." 

[Maximum close-up on Harold Stone]
Joel: "I'm almost Anthony Quinn." 

[Trevor]

THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS

TOM: This movie stops at nothing.  And stays there.

[Trevor]

More Mitchell:

[car door slams off screen]
Tom: [looks off to the right] "What was that?"
[car door slams on screen]
Joel: "Oh."

[Bad guy goons check each other out]
Tom: "Nice cap."

[AndyC]

Mitchell:

(Merlin Olsen looks out the window at Mitchell in his car)
Tom: He's down. I think I'll send him a Pick Me Up Bouquet.

[Rev. Powell]

Once Upon a Honeymoon

[Title comes on screen]
TOM: Oh, how many times Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie had sex!

NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST

Scientist: Better to stalk it than have it come after us.
TOM: Yeah, that's my dating philosophy.

[Character stumbles walking down a hill]
MIKE: Oh, blood beast scat, careful!

[Trevor]

(Mutant is struck repeatedly on its huge exposed brain)
Crow: "Ow, I'm very vulnerable there. Ow, there go the piano lessons. Ow, I can't remember my dad."

This website's good meds work again! I was in a hell of a rage at work until I read this. 

[ChaosTheory]

from ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE:

during opening credits,
Crow: Tia Carerre?  We might have to pay attention!

Penguin/Medical Examiner: You are looking for one very large, angry individual.
Mike (plaintively): Maybe I am looking for someone like that, but, I don't know if I'll ever find him.

[Rev. Powell]

THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES...

[During the "strip" show]
MIKE [in a "wink-wink" voice]: You know what I'm looking at?  That exit sign.

[During the "spiral hypnosis" scene]
CROW: A dimension not of sight or sound, but of crap.

MIKE: Western zombie music: a short-lived fad.

Bonus points: at one point the movie shows us a scary looking clown and Mike says, "Good old fashioned nightmare fuel."  I'm not sure if this is the first time anyone ever used the phrase "nightmare fuel" or not, but if it is, it's a classic moment in pop culture.  (Otherwise, it's just a throwaway line).

[AndyC]

Also from Incredibly Strange Creatures:

[Shirtless protagonist sleeping restlessly]
Mike: Nipples too small, too dark and upsetting!

[During hypnosis]
Tom: You will be Nicolas Caaaage.

[Rev. Powell]

JACK FROST

Father Frost: Any living creature who touches my Scepter of Frost will never awaken again.
CROW: Admittedly, it's a design flaw.

TOM: Apparently, there's no Finnish word for 'subtle.'

[Sleigh ride honeymoon scene]
TOM: Metaphorically, I think the suggestion is that marriage is a dizzying, mad, existential ride to nowhere.
MIKE: Or, niceness is fun.

[ChaosTheory]

From MANHUNT IN SPACE:

Cheap looking planet effect on screen
Servo: "Look, it's the MST3K logo!"
Joel (whispers): "We're not supposed to know about that."

Rocky: "I'm sure we're in an area our enemies don't want us to search."
Servo: "Yes, it's a dark, forbidden area, full of secrets and shame."


Servo: "Joel, which ship is theirs, the phallic one or the phallic one?"


Rocky: "Oh, Winky -"
Winky: "Yeah Rocky?"
Crow: "Jettison Bobby."

Rocky: "Safety belts, everyone."
Joel: "Except you, Bobby."
Crow: "Bobby been getting to you?  You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
Servo: "Yeah I've got a headache this big and it's got 'Bobby' written all over it."

[Trevor]

From MANHUNT IN SPACE:

Rocky: "Oh, Winky -"
Winky: "Yeah Rocky?"
Crow: "Jettison Bobby."

Rocky: "Safety belts, everyone."
Joel: "Except you, Bobby."
Crow: "Bobby been getting to you?  You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
Servo: "Yeah I've got a headache this big and it's got 'Bobby' written all over it."

Reminds me of the ominous question in Robocop: "Can you fly, Bobby?" 

[Olivia Bauer]

I'm looking for an MST3K episode but I can't remember the movie title. It was directed by Ed Wood and it was NOT the Sinister Urge (Which he wrote, actually).