THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[Rev. Powell]

GAMERA VS. GAOS

CROW: Hey, can you get the subplot off the road? We're trying to kill a monster here.

TOM: Whoa, either I'm spinning, or this is some really good blood here.

Military guy: "The substation's gone!"
TOM: We'll have to go to Shlotsky's.

[Rev. Powell]

GAMERA VS. GUIRON

Alien: We call this star Terra.
TOM (whispering): It's a planet.
Alien: It's on the opposite side of the Earth where you are living, exactly like the Earth with the Sun in between...
Kid 1: So you mean to tell us it's like a twin star.
TOM (louder): It's a planet.
Kid 2: I wondered if there was such a star...
TOM (screaming): IT'S A PLANET!

JOEL: Kids brains always taste better when they've been thinking of doughnuts.

[Men in white lab suits pile out of a van and rush about the scene]
CROW: We're from the padding department, where's the plot hole?

[Trevor]

THE FINAL SACRIFICE

Mike (as Moike Pipperrr): "Here's the plan. My army of trained rats will lead the charge and my scabies will protect our flank."  

[Rev. Powell]

MIGHTY JACK

[Female pauses next to a painting]
TOM: This mirror makes me look like a Modigliani.

[During the battle scene]
CROW: They're using every toy in the box!

Man: Up there! The roof!
TOM: Up yours, you goof!

[ChaosTheory]

I've sung this while cooking more often than I'd like to admit....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BysG97B5YM

[Rev. Powell]

GAMERA VS. ZIGRA

["Kenny" is introduced]
ALL: Kenny! Noooo!

CROW: Fish argument theater will return after this scene from plot convenience playhouse.

Commander: How is your supply of oygen?
Scientist: Enough for about 50 minutes...
CROW: Wait, I found some more oxygen in a drawer, we'll be OK!

[AndyC]

Hercules Unchained:

(Two soldiers with curly red hair are fighting a duel)
Joel: I look like Lucy! No, I look like Lucy!

[ChaosTheory]

from MAD MONSTER:

Yokel catches sight of Wolfman Pietro
Tom (singing): Come listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed,
Poor mountaineer barely kept his fam'ly fed,
Then one day he was shootin' at some foooood - "
Joel: "When up from the swamp come a big ugly dude."
Tom: "Wolfman, that is, Big Teeth, Dog Face....
Well, next thing you know ol' Jed's really scared,
The kinfolk said, Jed get away from there!
He said, My cabin is the place I oughta be,
So he loaded up his drawers and he told his family."

Professor: "One day I'll startle the world!"
Crow: "By making an even worse movie."

[AndyC]

San Francisco International:

(Dispute between hippy and businessman is settled in hippy's favour)
Mike: The answer, my friend, is blow it out your a$$.

[ChaosTheory]

San Francisco International:

(Dispute between hippy and businessman is settled in hippy's favour)
Mike: The answer, my friend, is blow it out your a$$.

Y'know, SF INTL. is the one episode where my favorite part is actually the host segment.
"URKEL!!!!!"   

[Trevor]

The Final Sacrifice: Zap, Troy and Moike Pipperr at the table, Pipperr is stuffing his pipe.

Crow: "Another helping of filth for yuh?" 

I mean like WTF? 

[AndyC]

The Final Sacrifice: Zap, Troy and Moike Pipperr at the table, Pipperr is stuffing his pipe.

Crow: "Another helping of filth for yuh?" 

I mean like WTF? 

For some reason, this cracks me up:

Pipper: Names Mike Pipper
Mike: Pipperrr
Pipper: Yer father and I were partners in archaeology
Mike: Pipper partnerrrs
Pipper: We went on many digs together
Mike: Pipper digs

[Trevor]

The Final Sacrifice: Zap, Troy and Moike Pipperr at the table, Pipperr is stuffing his pipe.

Crow: "Another helping of filth for yuh?" 

I mean like WTF? 

For some reason, this cracks me up:

Pipper: Names Mike Pipper
Mike: Pipperrr
Pipper: Yer father and I were partners in archaeology
Mike: Pipper partnerrrs
Pipper: We went on many digs together
Mike: Pipper digs

I was watching that exact scene last night: amazing how Ron Anderson can sound just like Dr Teeth or me with a serious constipation problem. 

[ChaosTheory]

The Final Sacrifice: Zap, Troy and Moike Pipperr at the table, Pipperr is stuffing his pipe.

Crow: "Another helping of filth for yuh?" 

I mean like WTF? 

For some reason, this cracks me up:

Pipper: Names Mike Pipper
Mike: Pipperrr
Pipper: Yer father and I were partners in archaeology
Mike: Pipper partnerrrs
Pipper: We went on many digs together
Mike: Pipper digs

I was watching that exact scene last night: amazing how Ron Anderson can sound just like Dr Teeth or me with a serious constipation problem. 

I Know, I was convinced it was the voice actor for Dr. Teeth the first time I watched it!

"Pipper partners" always cracks me up too.  Also:
Troy (at dad's grave): "What happened to you?"
Mike: "I died!"

[AndyC]

From Killer Shrews:

Ann: I'd rather be dull and alive, then.
Thorne: I'll take the dull, alive woman every time.
Servo: I guess the other way would be kind of sick, wouldn't it?