THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

Trevor · May 12, 2015, 04:58:49 AM

THE DEADLY MANTIS [Guy is firing at the mantis]

Mike: "Huh. Last night, a racoon and now this."

Rev. Powell · June 13, 2015, 05:10:46 PM

THE MAGIC SWORD

[Skinny-dipping scene cuts at the last possible moment before we can see the heroine's breasts]
TOM: That's precise editing!

[Princess is thrown into prison with two other pretty young princesses with 60s hairdos]
JOEL: Petticoat Dungeon!

[Estelle Winwood silently shows hero the ring she took from Basil Rathbone during his wedding]
TOM: Hey! My own mom just flipped me off!

Rev. Powell · June 20, 2015, 03:26:22 PM

HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN

['General Music Company' is credited for the soundtrack]
TOM: General Music Company--nothing specific. Slow or fast, that's about all we have.

GYPSY: They're steam cleaning the horses!

Captive Woman: Today is dedicated to Uranus.
CROW: Well, thank you, I'm flattered.

Trevor · July 27, 2015, 04:09:09 AM

THE DEADLY MANTIS

Voice on phone: "Put the Old Man on the horn, will you Pete?"
Crow: "Who? Dizzy Gillespie?"

Rev. Powell · August 16, 2015, 12:04:20 PM

"Here Comes the Circus" short

TOM: This act embodies the sadness that is circus.

TOM: Oh no! They're doing it clown style!

THE DAY THE EARTH FROZE

CROW: Ladies and gentlemen, the magic of Ulysses S. Grant!

[The hero's mother asks a series of natural objects where her son is]

Tree: I have troubles enough of my own, old woman. The men strip my bark for making baskets. The children break my branches for brooms. How should I know about your son?
JOEL: Birch, birch, birch!

TOM: Have you thought about praying to me, God, the big G-meister?

Rev. Powell · September 12, 2015, 07:19:23 PM

HERCULES

JOEL: "Hi, we came to get Scruffy, our pet lion, OH MY GOD!"

[The Amazon graveyard, where only men are buried]
CROW: "It's the Andrea Dworkin memorial cemetery."

CROW [in Basil Fawlty voice]: "Thank you, gods, thank you so bloody much!"

Rev. Powell · October 31, 2015, 11:45:30 AM

THE PAINTED HILLS

Starring Lassie as the revenge-killing pooch "Shep!"

JOEL: A lifetime of Snausages or I sing like a canary.

CROW: Another one, geez, Shep has got 'em buried everywhere!

JOEL: I'm having a personal pants pile-on.

Trevor · November 24, 2015, 01:53:43 AM

DANGER: DIABOLIK

[The police shoot at Diabolik]
Crow: Look, I'm sorry if you're offended by my random murders.

Rev. Powell · December 13, 2015, 12:08:46 PM

ALIEN FROM L.A.

Kathy Ireland [in her squeaky voice]: I just want to know why you want to break up with me?
MIKE: It's your helium addiction.

TOM: Why is it that the action sequences slow this movie down?

CROW: So, what, did the movie just take a break?
MIKE: Hello?

Trevor · December 15, 2015, 03:36:45 AM

IT CONQUERED THE WORLD

Tom: [coughs] You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.

Rev. Powell · December 15, 2015, 08:46:20 AM

Quote from: Trevor on December 15, 2015, 03:36:45 AM
IT CONQUERED THE WORLD

Tom: [coughs] You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.

That's a Tom Waits joke/reference! (1:43 in)

http://youtu.be/SDo1617aXX4?t=1m43s

Rev. Powell · January 09, 2016, 09:18:57 PM

RADAR SECRET SERVICE

CROW: It's not the radar, it's the size of the amplitude, if you know what I mean.

[after a particularly bad line reading by a bit player]
MIKE: The director's mistress, ladies and gentlemen.

[commenting on the fact that the agents drive a car with a giant radar receiver on top]
MIKE: It's kind of like "Radar Obvious Service."

Rev. Powell · January 16, 2016, 03:59:52 PM

TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE

[Everyone looks started when the phone rings]
TOM: Ah! What's it doing?

[Later when the phone rings again...]
CROW: It's that thing again! What does it mean?

[During the climax]
CROW: Luckily, I took a class in observatory maintenance!

Trevor · January 18, 2016, 12:08:05 AM

Quote from: Rev. Powell on January 16, 2016, 03:59:52 PM
TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE

[Everyone looks started when the phone rings]
TOM: Ah! What's it doing?

[Later when the phone rings again...]
CROW: It's that thing again! What does it mean?

If you call (002712) 441 31 66, you will get the same reaction from me.

Rev. Powell · January 23, 2016, 08:19:06 PM

VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS

MIKE: I'm sure the meat from the huge mutated duck has no side effects.

[Teen is stuck in giant cleavage]
MIKE: First base is larger than I remember!
(P.S. joke should have been "second base," not sure why no one caught that!)

[Tommy Kirk slings a stone at giantess, misses]
CROW: He couldn't hit the barn side of a broad.