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THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

Started by retrorussell, January 19, 2010, 05:47:51 AM

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Trevor

THE DEADLY MANTIS  [Guy is firing at the mantis]

Mike: "Huh. Last night, a racoon and now this."   :teddyr:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Rev. Powell

THE MAGIC SWORD

[Skinny-dipping scene cuts at the last possible moment before we can see the heroine's breasts]
TOM: That's precise editing!

[Princess is thrown into prison with two other pretty young princesses with 60s hairdos]
JOEL: Petticoat Dungeon!

[Estelle Winwood silently shows hero the ring she took from Basil Rathbone during his wedding]
TOM: Hey! My own mom just flipped me off!
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN

['General Music Company' is credited for the soundtrack]
TOM: General Music Company--nothing specific. Slow or fast, that's about all we have.

GYPSY: They're steam cleaning the horses!

Captive Woman: Today is dedicated to Uranus.
CROW: Well, thank you, I'm flattered.
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Trevor

THE DEADLY MANTIS

Voice on phone: "Put the Old Man on the horn, will you Pete?"
Crow: "Who? Dizzy Gillespie?"

:bouncegiggle: :teddyr:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Rev. Powell

"Here Comes the Circus" short

TOM: This act embodies the sadness that is circus.

TOM: Oh no! They're doing it clown style!

THE DAY THE EARTH FROZE

CROW: Ladies and gentlemen, the magic of Ulysses S. Grant!

[The hero's mother asks a series of natural objects where her son is]

Tree: I have troubles enough of my own, old woman. The men strip my bark for making baskets. The children break my branches for brooms. How should I know about your son?
JOEL: Birch, birch, birch!

TOM: Have you thought about praying to me, God, the big G-meister?

I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

HERCULES

JOEL: "Hi, we came to get Scruffy, our pet lion, OH MY GOD!"

[The Amazon graveyard, where only men are buried]
CROW: "It's the Andrea Dworkin memorial cemetery."

CROW [in Basil Fawlty voice]: "Thank you, gods, thank you so bloody much!"
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

THE PAINTED HILLS

Starring Lassie as the revenge-killing pooch "Shep!"

JOEL: A lifetime of Snausages or I sing like a canary.

CROW: Another one, geez, Shep has got 'em buried everywhere!

JOEL: I'm having a personal pants pile-on.

I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Trevor

DANGER: DIABOLIK

[The police shoot at Diabolik]
Crow: Look, I'm sorry if you're offended by my random murders.

:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Rev. Powell

ALIEN FROM L.A.

Kathy Ireland [in her squeaky voice]: I just want to know why you want to break up with me?
MIKE: It's your helium addiction.

TOM: Why is it that the action sequences slow this movie down?

CROW: So, what, did the movie just take a break?
MIKE: Hello?
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Trevor

IT CONQUERED THE WORLD

Tom: [coughs] You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.

:bouncegiggle: :teddyr: :teddyr:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Rev. Powell

#505
Quote from: Trevor on December 15, 2015, 03:36:45 AM
IT CONQUERED THE WORLD

Tom: [coughs] You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.

:bouncegiggle: :teddyr: :teddyr:

That's a Tom Waits joke/reference! (1:43 in)

http://youtu.be/SDo1617aXX4?t=1m43s
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

RADAR SECRET SERVICE

CROW: It's not the radar, it's the size of the amplitude, if you know what I mean.

[after a particularly bad line reading by a bit player]
MIKE: The director's mistress, ladies and gentlemen.

[commenting on the fact that the agents drive a car with a giant radar receiver on top]
MIKE: It's kind of like "Radar Obvious Service."
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE

[Everyone looks started when the phone rings]
TOM: Ah! What's it doing?

[Later when the phone rings again...]
CROW: It's that thing again! What does it mean?

[During the climax]
CROW: Luckily, I took a class in observatory maintenance!
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Trevor

Quote from: Rev. Powell on January 16, 2016, 03:59:52 PM
TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE

[Everyone looks started when the phone rings]
TOM: Ah! What's it doing?

[Later when the phone rings again...]
CROW: It's that thing again! What does it mean?

:teddyr: :teddyr:

If you call (002712) 441 31 66, you will get the same reaction from me.  :wink:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Rev. Powell

VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS

MIKE: I'm sure the meat from the huge mutated duck has no side effects.

[Teen is stuck in giant cleavage]
MIKE: First base is larger than I remember!
(P.S. joke should have been "second base," not sure why no one caught that!)

[Tommy Kirk slings a stone at giantess, misses]
CROW: He couldn't hit the barn side of a broad.
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...