The Ten (or More) Commandments of Bad Movies

[Doggett]

Thou shall be directed by Michael Bay.

[JaseSF]

Thou shall forget about the big name stars you really wanted for your movie and hire their less talented siblings or kids instead.

Thou shalt instruct thy leading man to pattern himself as much as possible after the John Agar!

Thou shalt get actresses, at least one or two, willing to remove some of most of their clothing. Be aware to play up it's in the name of your art.

Thou shalt add mind-numbing and often unnecessary narration during any supposed lulls in action.

Thou shalt shoot most of thine footage in old factories passing for spaceships or a futurized city.

Thou shalt have a monster eat people but never actually show it taking place in any believable fashion on screen.

[The Burgomaster]

* Thy heroes shalt have last names such as "Hunter," "Hazard," "Storm," or "Savage."

* Thy female star shalt get her clothes wet and need to change in the same room as the hero - - who she does not like (yet) - - while his back is turned (and he leers into the camera).

* Thy movie shalt have a least one henchman who weighs more than 400 pounds and appears in a least one scene where he is chasing someone on foot.

* A nerdy 12 year old boy shalt develop a plan to thwart the alien invaders before anyone from NASA can figure it out.

* Thou shalt use zooms and pans copiously, even when they have no cinematic purpose.

[AndyC]

Thou shalt expand the definition of a movie star to include anyone lucky enough to get at least one role people might actually remember at any time prior to doing your movie.

Further...

Thou shalt rearrange the billing on thy DVD to highlight anyone who became a genuine movie star at some point after doing your movie.

[The Burgomaster]

Thou shalt rearrange the billing on thy DVD to highlight anyone who became a genuine movie star at some point after doing your movie.

And put a recent photograph of that person on the DVD cover, even though the movie was made in 1971.

[diamondwaspvenom]

Thou shalt put in ridiculous amounts of blood and gore.

Thou shalt not create intelligent nor intriguing scripts, for writing horrendous and inconsistent scripts will guarantee a reward in b-movie heaven.

Thou shalt use lizards with stuff glued on them for dinosaur f/x. It is a sin to use expensive puppetry and computer graphics.

If thy producer tries to make thy film more commercial, fire him/her immediately. It is better to enter b-movie heaven without a commercial film than to make one and be thrown into the abyss, where you will cry and be forced to watch Michael Bay and Rob Zombie movies.

[diamondwaspvenom]

Thou shalt make thy killings very creative and over the top.

Thou shalt not let the annoying comic-relief survive.

Thou shalt allow the camera crew be reflected in mirrors, windows and water.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's plot.