You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

[indianasmith]

My best friend is a sociology major and I was using the term in its clinical sense, not trying to be perjorative.  Deviancy is just that: something that marks a departure from the norm.  About 90% of humanity is heterosexual; so that which departs from the sexual norm meets the textbook definition of deviancy.

[AndyC]

I've got no problem with describing something as deviant. I'd say it's easy to recognize when something is different. It's when people have very specific definitions of normal that I start to worry. We're all a little abnormal in one way or another, and that's often a good thing.

[indianasmith]

My old boss used to say "Normal ain't nothing but a setting on the dryer!"

[Psycho Circus]

"Ask me anything" threads. I can't even be bothered to read half the forum now without having to wade through all this childish self indulgent crap.

[The Gravekeeper]

I've got no problem with describing something as deviant. I'd say it's easy to recognize when something is different. It's when people have very specific definitions of normal that I start to worry. We're all a little abnormal in one way or another, and that's often a good thing.

People who try hard to be "normal" strike me as having a curious sort of madness. You're never going to be completely normal, and honestly, why would you want to be? Normal is boring and predictable.

[Flick James]

I've got no problem with describing something as deviant. I'd say it's easy to recognize when something is different. It's when people have very specific definitions of normal that I start to worry. We're all a little abnormal in one way or another, and that's often a good thing.

People who try hard to be "normal" strike me as having a curious sort of madness. You're never going to be completely normal, and honestly, why would you want to be? Normal is boring and predictable.

Normal is a meaningless term. I have a wide assortment of beliefs and behaviors that are unorthodox. Yet, I live a pretty productive and meaningful life, and often witness some of the most self-destructive behavior and poor life choices amongst people that would probably be seen as "normal." The word means nothing to me.

[ulthar]

Normal is a meaningless term.... The word means nothing to me.

Well, it does have a very specifically defined meaning that has been 'bastardized.'

"Normal" is a math term.  It refers to one of the following:

(1) Perpendicular, as in "the ball struck the floor normal to the surface."

(2) As part of a Gaussian Distribution in probability theory.  This distribution is also called the "Normal" distribution, simply because it is quite common.

This latter use is the one that has been usurped and contorted in lay use.  Common lay use is to describe things that lay, say between one standard deviation above and below the mean as "normal."

So, it's perfectly correct, in math, psychology and sociology, to describe things as 'normal.'

For example, if we plot a histogram of "sexual preference,"  (or any other preference or behavior), there is a representation of the population that lies between +/- one standard deviation (or some similar definition that is context specific).  This is what is often taken as "normal," and indeed, the curve itself is term, in mathematics, a "normal curve."

How that's used in general, popular use is a misunderstanding of these rigorous definitions and usage.  It's come to have emotional connotations that are nothing more than baggage.

Emotionalization of technical terms grinds my gears...it makes precise communication so difficult.  Other examples are the terms "hacker" in computer programming, "sexual predator" (which means NOTHING like how it's popularly used), "topsides" when talking about boats, etc.

Words get misused, and I get that.  But what bugs me is when the misuse becomes the definition in the popular consciousness.

[AndyC]

The histogram example is a good way of defining "normal" in the popular sense of the word. Normal would be some range in the centre of the curve. How wide a range is a matter of opinion. Of course, if we base it on personal observations, the curve is going to be different from person to person, and from place to place. There would also be a substantial margin for error in matters such as sexual practices and preferences, because those sorts of things are typically kept private, and a significant amount of data will be missing.

It's a very elusive thing to define, and I would say most people can only say whether they think a given example is normal or not, with no idea where the line should be drawn.

I think it's a harmless enough thing by itself. Problems only tend to arise when people assume they belong at the very centre of the curve, and define their range of "normal" too narrowly. Even then, much depends on how you react to what you perceive as abnormal - with acceptance, tolerance, curiosity, amusement, fascination, pity, fear, hatred, revulsion, etc.

And, in some extreme cases, fear and revulsion are appropriate. I think we probably agree that abusing children is abnormal and also a disgusting practice. Again, where the line is drawn between harmless and harmful is virtually impossible to nail down. And some people are going to make that range of "abnormal but not bad" far too narrow, as with the definition of normal. To me, the idea of normal is not so much the problem as the intolerance and prejudice that can accompany it. You can say that something is not normal without making a moral judgment.

And indeed, abnormal is not necessarily bad. Defining "normal" in these terms, it is practically synonymous with "common," "average" and "ordinary," which I think puts it in perspective. To be extraordinary, you can't be perfectly normal. Geniuses are not normal. Champion athletes are not normal. Smoking hot babes are not normal. If they were normal, there would be nothing special about them.

[Flick James]

Good points. I'm well aware of what "normal" means in the math/probability perspective. I just finished a Master's statistical analysis class and I'm up to my ears in it.

I was speaking more of what it means to me in a more ambiguous social aspect.

I've been different all my life. And I'm not saying that to try and be "cool" or original. That particular way of being "different" annoys me. People who dress weird, get tattoos and piercings, etc. to be "different" or stand out is not what I am. I am comparatively conservative in dress and appearance most of the time. I'm just different. I've known this since I was a teenager. There was a rebellious phase in high school where I was trying to be different, but that was short-lived and, even amongst my fellow "rebels," I was different.

This is not always a good thing because I tend to struggle socially sometimes. I assimilate well enough and get along with people in gatherings quite well, I just often feel like an outsider, somebody looking in from the outside.

[ulthar]

even amongst my fellow "rebels," I was different.

Sigh.

I recently emailed a friend that "even on the fringe, I'm an outsider."

I've spent my entire life out of step with those around me.  Interestingly, for a VERY long time, the only person I knew that I thought "understood" was my Dad, and when he died, I indeed felt very, very alone...a deep loneliness I had never experienced, and I THOUGHT I had known loneliness.

[JaseSF]

This is not always a good thing because I tend to struggle socially sometimes. I assimilate well enough and get along with people in gatherings quite well, I just often feel like an outsider, somebody looking in from the outside.

I've sure felt that way plenty of times in my life.

[indianasmith]

In the words of a former boss of mine . . .

"Normal ain't nothing but a setting on the drier."

[Psycho Circus]

My old boss used to say "Normal ain't nothing but a setting on the dryer!"

In the words of a former boss of mine . . .

"Normal ain't nothing but a setting on the drier."

Deja vu 

[AndyC]

This is not always a good thing because I tend to struggle socially sometimes. I assimilate well enough and get along with people in gatherings quite well, I just often feel like an outsider, somebody looking in from the outside.

I've sure felt that way plenty of times in my life.

I believe that would be normal for this board. I've never exactly fit in either. Hung with various groups, but was never really a part of any of them.

[Rev. Powell]

This is not always a good thing because I tend to struggle socially sometimes. I assimilate well enough and get along with people in gatherings quite well, I just often feel like an outsider, somebody looking in from the outside.

I've sure felt that way plenty of times in my life.

I believe that would be normal for this board. I've never exactly fit in either. Hung with various groups, but was never really a part of any of them.

Damn... I'm normal.