What actually happened

[sprite75]

After the events of the third movie, Obi-Wan shaved his beard, moved to an obscure planet, and got a new wardrobe.

[Leah]

(phht) Man, I need to stay off of those Burritos

[Mr. DS]

"Our father...damn hows the rest of it go..."

[TheDope]

I felt a great disturbance in The Force; as if millions of Catholic
Protestants cried out in terror then were suddenly confused.

[Rev. Powell]

"Oh yeah, ladies, that's right, you can look, but you can't touch!"

[SynapticBoomstick]

Lightsabers have become a lot more... tassled...

[Nukie 2]

How Mark Renton quit heroin.

[sprite75]

That was sooo awesome, using the Force to suggest to everyone that they wanted to put all the cash they had on hand in the basket this week.  There must've been $10,000 in there!