Thoughts On Childbirth

[Mr. DS]

So seeing I just got clipped to ensure I won't father any more little DarkSiders, I figured I'd throw this out there.  I've been there for all three of my kid's births and...it really is for me the most gross experiences I've partaken in.  

Ok, put down your pitchforks...sure I was happy to see the babies and once they were clean holding them was the most special thing in the world.  HOWEVER, this is about the actual birthing process.   Stuff is gushing out, a head is where you're not use to seeing it and the smells are rather awful.  

I'd be interested to hear the thoughts from the moms on the board.  What was it like for you?  And for everyone who has witnessed it in person, did you see a vaginal delivery or C-section?

[Newt]

I happen to be here, so I will start:

I have three kids.  My husband was there for all three.  Averaged ten pounds each.  Had them the old-fashioned way and no drugs for pain relief (NOT by choice: they came too quickly).  Even so, I suspect strongly that I had an easier time than most.  I am not a small girl and I was in very good physical condition.

IMO women get fed a whole lot of propaganda about a lot of things: childbirth is one of the biggest.

And let's not get into how it is represented in movies.  

I think a good number of women end up feeling like monsters because they do not get that 'rush of love' at the first sight of their baby.  Yes there are hormones running amok, but for goodness' sake you just met and you've been through the ringer!

First of all, any shred of dignity you normally have claim to goes out the window.  It helps tremendously that the people helping you are experienced/professional so no attention is drawn to this.  I imagine it might be better for C-sections: just another surgery.

It was hard work and not fun.  It was the worst pain I have yet experienced - if someone had offered to shoot me I might have taken them up on it, just to make it stop (I remember thinking this at the time, with the first).  The best part was knowing it was over.  When you hold that baby, you know for certain that the pain is over - for now.  Maybe that is part of the rush they talk about?

While I was in labour with my first, one of the nurses said to me, "Oh, but it is GOOD pain!" and I told her she had some funny ideas about pain.

I was too occupied to notice any smells.  Funny, that, but I am just as glad I missed it!

And for any nurses out there, just a note: it might not be the best idea to say, "Look at the size of that HEAD!" at that point in the delivery.  

Of course kids are worth every bit of it.  But IME childbirth is not a pretty process.  How many bodily functions are?

There ya go. Move over DS.  Bring on the torches.

[Mr. DS]

As always Newt, your response is well thought out, informative and I agree with it.  And bless you for having to do that three times with pretty big babies.  

The movies seem to make the whole thing out to be a rushed incident.  You're running to the hospital breathing hard and the baby slips out after an hour.  Nope...usually labor can last for much much longer than that.

[3mnkids]

I have 3 children all born by c section so I cant really relate.    I did go through the fun stuff like contractions during my first but her heart rate started to drop with each one so after 11 hours I had my first c-section..

Second one I tried again and had the same problem so I didn't even try the third time around. Just set a date and went right into surgery. My husband was there for all three and even watched them pull them out.

[Trevor]

I like to smooth over the trauma of my birth and abandonment to a hospital by telling people that there were almost five hours of darkness in Bulawayo, Rhodesia after my birth.

After the people have gotten enough of a scare, I tell them that I was born at 2h30 in the morning.   

[Paquita]

Yeah it's gross.  I haven't seen it in person, but I did go to some pre-childbirth classes and watched some graphic videos.  This did NOT prepare me for childbirth in a good way, it only made me more nervous about it, especially when the instructor passed around a pair of forceps for us to examine.

The other thing that was a great cause of stress during my pregnancy was other mothers.  It seemed that every woman who had ever had a child, and especially those who had horrible experiences, felt the need to tell me about every unpleasant detail of their ordeal.  I was literally a wreck the whole 9 months crying and getting hysterical at least once a week because I was certain that my child would suffer brain damage from complications, I was going to go into labor in the most inconvenient place and time, be in labor for days, and I would poop in delivery (I heard this happens a lot).  The possibility of a c-section was also a concern because one of my cousins had recently passed away from a blood clot a couple days after having a c-section.

My experience wasn't that bad.  Two weeks before my due date, my baby turned – something I hear is rare that late in pregnancy, but it happened to my mother and sister too.  I was supposed to go in to schedule a c-section a week later, but I didn't make it. Due to the position of the baby (I assume), my contractions were weird, they were not evenly paced and all the pain was in my back, so at that point I just wanted them stopped as soon as possible.   I was only in the hospital for about 30 minutes before they gave me an emergency c-section.  My husband watched me get a spinal tap once and I saw him turn several shades of green, so it was agreed that my mom would go in with me.  She said it was pretty gross and she caught a glimpse of the doctors scooping a bunch of gore from my belly into a bucket.  It was very fast though, and I was in recovery about an hour after arriving at the hospital. 

I don't know if it was the drugs or the relief of being done, but I was very happy to see her!

One thing I was adamant about from day 1 though – NO PICTURES!  I can never understand why people want to take pictures or video tape that!  I know another popular thing is to have a giant mirror in the delivery room so the mother can see what's going on... no thanks!

[Mr. DS]

I honestly think for me the worst expereince was the first one.  Especailly since I was going in rather glib to the situation.  I mean NOTHING can prepare you for what you are about to see. 

[Jim H]

Hmm..  I do have some general thoughts.  Paquita mentioned her C-section.  It bothers me how readily doctors suggest them these days - often without truly informing mothers of their options.  I might mention it sounds like yours was very important, Paquita, as of course there are certainly many births where they SHOULD do one (and the availability of them is one of the most important reasons far fewer women now die in child birth), but the frequency going up so greatly in the past 40 years I think has more to do with doctor convenience and money (c-sections cost more, on average) than actual safety (point in fact, in general they are riskier - mothers are four times more likely to die from a C-section than natural birth, though this may be correlation not causation).  And doctors usually recommend a C-section to mothers who have had one in the past, despite the relatively low risks vaginal birth after c-section adds.  I think it also has to do with how cavalier doctor and social attitudes towards surgery have become.  I dunno.   

Another thought I find fascinating - giving birth with a good mid-wife is about as safe as giving birth in a hospital.  There are extra risks involved, but they're off-set by reduced risk of medical error and infections from other patients you get at a hospital.  Despite that, I'm not sure if I ever have children if I'd want to do the whole mid-wife thing.   

As far as actual child-birth goes - it's beautiful in a grotesque sort of way, like many things in nature.  I appreciate it for what it is - a long, extremely painful expansion of life. 

I will say I find the placenta to be one of the grossest looking things in the world though.  What's more, human placentas look A LOT grosser than some other placentas I've seen in nature films - what's the deal with that?

It was the worst pain I have yet experienced

Newt, I remember asking my mother about the pain once.  She compared it to the worst charlie horse ever afflicting her entire torso for several hours (my sisters and I were quick - if you took all three of our separate births combined, I think it only adds up to about 12 hours).  Does that sound right?

[Newt]

...C-section.  It bothers me how readily doctors suggest them these days - often without truly informing mothers of their options. ... the frequency going up so greatly in the past 40 years I think has more to do with doctor convenience and money (c-sections cost more, on average) than actual safety (point in fact, in general they are riskier - mothers are four times more likely to die from a C-section than natural birth, though this may be correlation not causation).  And doctors usually recommend a C-section to mothers who have had one in the past, despite the relatively low risks vaginal birth after c-section adds.

JimH, my Dad was a family Dr who delivered over a thousand babies here in Canada and when he moved to the US wrote his boards and became an OB/GYN.  My brother was also an OB/GYN specialising in surgery.  Dad said that here in Canada he knew his colleagues were doing more sections years ago because it paid more - this was shortly after the advent of gov't health insurance.  So no doubt that is a realistic factor to some extent.   Dad found that in the US (he went there in 1979)  that medical students/new doctors were not taught HOW to deal with difficult births, so C-sections were their only realistic/safe option and  it seemed to him that most OB's were terribly cautious about attempting to deal with anything out of the ordinary.  I know it amazed him how few knew how to or were willing to try to turn a breech, for example.  I now he taught my brother a few techniques and that my brother became known for being able to successfully deal with some positional situations without resorting to surgery.

It most likely simply boils down to risk to the health care team in terms of liability: if the Dr takes any kind of chance (in common perception) it could end up a disaster for all; if he opts for the section then he's better covered.  

After a C-section, the risks to subsequent deliveries are real - delivering vaginally after a C-section is certainly possible, but it may take special handling (again: subject to a great deal of caution) and there may be reasons it cannot be done that way as a consequence of the original surgery. Not many Dr's are willing to take that on.

Another thought I find fascinating - giving birth with a good mid-wife is about as safe as giving birth in a hospital.

There seems to be some re-asessment of that parity going on currently.

I will say I find the placenta to be one of the grossest looking things in the world though.  What's more, human placentas look A LOT grosser than some other placentas I've seen in nature films - what's the deal with that?

I have attended equine births and I found the equine afterbirth to be pretty gross.  But then, maybe that is due to sheer *volume* and the fact that I have to examine it carefully by hand and dispose of it (transported in a bucket.  UGH)  I do find the whole experience gives the overall impression of being tidier: not sure why that should be.  The price we pay for our big brains, I was told in Anthro class.  

It was the worst pain I have yet experienced

Newt, I remember asking my mother about the pain once.  She compared it to the worst charlie horse ever afflicting her entire torso for several hours (my sisters and I were quick - if you took all three of our separate births combined, I think it only adds up to about 12 hours).  Does that sound right?

(*Only* 12 hours?  Easy for you to say!) Jim: it starts out slow and bearable.  In the beginning there are times between contractions when you can rest/recover.  Even that can wear a person down awfully quickly.   It is when things move along and there are no more breaks in the pains - it is continuous - that it can get a bit hairy.  It is very subjective, so the actual duration is not a good measure.  You have no control whatsoever over it and your body seems to be doing this *to* you; relentless.  Time seems to stand still and all the world is pain without the prospect of it ending.  You live in that moment.  At least the first time: after you have experienced childbirth once, you know (rationally) that it will end at some point and you can hold onto that thought - which is a darn good thing!

My second took a bit longer - it was an induction because my Dr was nervous about me going 'over' too long -  and was the most uncomfortable labour of the three.  So I had more than 12 hrs in total, I think.

My friends like to say that for every child a woman births, her man should sh*t a pumpkin.  I don't think that is quite equivalent: it's over too quickly; but it would make a good start.  

As far as actual child-birth goes - it's beautiful in a grotesque sort of way, like many things in nature.  I appreciate it for what it is - a long, extremely painful expansion of life.

Like so many things, what it *is* in an intellectual, philosophical or emotional sense may be beautiful;  how it is on a purely practical level may be less than attractive.  

[Mr. DS]

I will say I find the placenta to be one of the grossest looking things in the world though.  What's more, human placentas look A LOT grosser than some other placentas I've seen in nature films - what's the deal with that?

In some cultures they eat it.

[Newt]

I will say I find the placenta to be one of the grossest looking things in the world though.  What's more, human placentas look A LOT grosser than some other placentas I've seen in nature films - what's the deal with that?

In some cultures they eat it.

Speeds recovery - and very nutritious, I bet!  

(edited for spelling -  )

[indianasmith]

My wife delivered twins at 8 months and 10 days . . . almost full term.  The babies were small ( 5 lbs 8 oz and 6 lbs 2 oz) and both delivered vaginally after 18 hours of lighter labor and about 4 hours heavy labor.  I was there and saw the whole thing; the blood freaked me out a little bit, but I was delighted to hold me babies for the first time.  As soon as Patty got  out of recovery and began to realize that her stomach was no longer pushed up into an area the size of a small teacup, she demanded a Mustard whopper and a Dr. Pepper!  She finished about half of each and went to sleep for several hours!  It was a beautiful experience for me, but not a beautiful sight, if you know what I mean.


One of my more chauvenistic friends had this comment after being present for his child's birth:  "That baby done tore my playhouse UP!!!!"

[trekgeezer]

My birth shocked me so much that I couldn't speak for 18 months.


Actually, my son was born three weeks early because my wife's water broke.  He only weighed 5 and half pounds and screamed like a banshee on his arrival.  The doc caught him like a football being hiked to the quarterback.

Our daughter, was a much quieter experience.  She weighed 6 and a half pounds and was very quiet when delivered.

She went natural with both, but not by choice. We went to the class about the epidural, but  both times her cervix dilated so quickly that it wouldn't have started working in time for the delivery.

[lester1/2jr]

I don't understand why there is a cultural thing to get men to go to the childbirth.  They have no understanding of all the things that are happening because it isn't and could never happen to them. They should wait in the hall pacing like in cartoons.

[The Burgomaster]

A comedian (I can't remember who) once observed:  "Men spend nine months trying to get out of a woman's vagina . . . and the rest of their lives trying to get back into one."