Fart stories

[Mr. DS]

Babies I find realease some of the loudest farts known to mankind.  My middle baby Alex was being fed by my wife when he was about a month old and no lie, he let a fart that I swear lasted over 10 seconds.  I, half asleep at the time, poked my head up and asked my wife if that was her.  She confirmed it was the baby.

True that. My 2-month-old let's out some farts of such volume as to make a frat boy jealous. My 2 1/2 year old laughs hysterically every time.

My month old daughter is a big time farter.  Never burps...just farts.  Very unlady like.

Well then, they can get together for a fart-off. I'll bring the beer. You like Coors Light, yes?

Works for me good sir.   

I recall my mother saying once that she let a huge fart out after taking a nap.  This was during the time we were having an addition put on so there was a lot of echoing.  Little did she know, the contractors had long since returned from their lunch break and heard everything.  She said she hid until they left. 

[Joe the Destroyer]

My brother was telling me about one he let out in the middle of his junior high English class.  It didn't sound like a fart, but rather made a high-pitched BOOOOO-WUP!  The entire class looked all over for the source of the sound, not once thinking my brother had cut one.

[Flick James]

I always like using the joke "that went over like a fart in church" whenever I say something in a group that results in silent stares.

[Sleepyskull]

Ash, I'm not on speaking terms with my boss at the moment: so please come and drop one here for me. 

My farts are known to be classed in the 'silent but violent' category. 

Trevor, I've found throughout my 18 years of living if farting turns white undies brown, generally you have just experienced something (much) more powerful than a fart.*




*Especially if the front of the underwear turns brown, too.

[Skull]

My fart story...

I walk... I fart.

I move... I fart.

I sit... I fart.

Gee all I do is fart.

[Cthulhu]

English class.
Not a fly's buzzing can be heard.
I think: f**k this; and I fart.
Loudly.

It was most satisfying.

[Mr. DS]

English class.
Not a fly's buzzing can be heard.
I think: f**k this; and I fart.
Loudly.

It was most satisfying.

Was that a Haiku?

[Saucerman]

Story #1
Recently the Vice President of the factory I work in, a really big, condescending, egomaniac (he wears extra-thick-soled shoes to look taller), came into the break room while I was on lunch.  I'm sitting at the next table over from the vending machine.  He gets something -- a Kit Kat or a Three Musketeers bar, I think -- and when he bends down to get it out of the slot, his rear is pointed right at me, and I think to myself, "Please don't fart while I'm eating..."

And then the wave of stink hit me. 

Story #2:
I used to date a girl who had been raised on a farm, and to her farting was no big deal.  Frequently if we were driving in her car, I'd hear the window locks click and a soft, evil chuckle from her as she cracked one off.  The first night we slept in the same bed, just as I'm drifting off to sleep, I suddenly feel her shift and the blanket gets pulled over my head as she Dutch Oven'd me. 

[Leah]

one time I was at a taco Bell, I had two bean burritos and a steak quesodea  and then, with out warning, I burped and farted at the same time! LOUD AS WELL!

[Umaril The Unfeathered]

This one is more in line with the stoy about the babies a few posts up.

Way back when she was around 2, my cousin Christie was being held by her grams-a-ma, and as she was babbling in her little baby talk, she let out a very loud blast, that I would up getting the blame for, as my grams yelled at me.

I tried to tell her it wasn't me until I was blue in the face, but to no avail. And then
Christie told her herself, in a combination of baby English and straight words that made everyone crack up.  Not only that but the same day she picked up my Sega CD game (Iron Storm) and threw it and broke it. So it was a nice trip back to Electronics Boutique for another disc!  Kids......

[diamondwaspvenom]

One time when I was in sixth grade, we were all doing a spelling test. Now, everyone was quiet and focused on their work, as was I.

Then.....without warning......

BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRTTTTT!!!!!

It startled everyone and it had one of my old friends dying with laughter.

Another time, I was in tenth grade. Usually before the 8 o'clock bell rang, a several amount of students would hang out in one of the english rooms. I was talking with one of my friends there at the moment.

........Then, the urge came.......

Unknowing that it would be the equivalent of dropping a nuclear bomb, I decided to release it silently so that no one would hear. Nobody did. Two seconds later, everyone was gagging and choking. Somebody yelled: "Good God! Who did that?!", and that was my que to run out of there.

[retrorussell]

Not much of a story, really.  Nearly every day I hear the post-colonoscopy patients in my ward blasting away so hard I would swear they'd poop out their intestines.

[Mr. DS]

I find laughing farts are the best.  I mean you're already laughing so you loose control and fart thus making you laugh even harder.  I recall one incident of this at the library in my high school.  Me and another kid were goofing off while researching a paper and I farted after he cracked a joke.  It still makes me laugh til this day when I think about it.