Favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 Host Segments

[Trevor]

The Final Sacrifice, when everybody comes down with hockey hair, except Mike, who's already had it.

And Pearl attending to Bobo who wants to watch Power Rangers and screams that "it's time for my hourly Ben and Jerrys!" 

[Trevor]

Servo: Have you been kissing any prospectors?
Mike: Nope... Wait... Nope, that was a surly truck farmer. Durn fine kisser, though.

Tom and Crow's reactions to what Mike says are very funny indeed. 

[Trevor]

I think it's from Blood Waters Of Dr Z where Brain Guy and Bobo do a scene from Glengarry Glen Ross naked. 

[The Fake Macoy]

The Jet Jaguar theme song translation is one of my favourites:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cxV8Bf8ND4
However I think the Peter Graves one was the best:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gy0Gd2-GdOI

[ChaosTheory]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8TQx5Pqcnk

"Nipples.  Many sizes, many shapes." 

[Vaporman87]

I would have to say the segment featuring Mike and the Bots during which Crow and Tom are dressed as secret service agents, trying to protect Mike. Right before the segment cuts away, Tom's head falls off (which clearly was NOT meant to happen). They roll with it anyway, and the result is hilarious.

[Trevor]

THE BEATNIKS: Prof Forrester and Frank are dressed in good luck Troll costumes.

Prof F: "Shuddup Frank or I'll let the dog play with you." 

[CalrissianFoxxSteele]

Gunslinger



Joel, Servo, & Crow are lying in coffins and talk about death.


Crow: "Joel, can I get mummified and be laid next to Stalin."

Joel: "Sure, honey."

[Trevor]

THE FINAL SACRIFICE: Pearl decides to rule the world one. person. at. a. time. 

[AndyC]

From Devil Fish:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8xbGsaEnc0

[Trevor]

The Torgo interview from VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS: 

Torgo takes about an hour to get from the door to the chair and Doctor Forrester grabs and pulls him along.

Torgo: "There........... were........ san....it....ation......prob.....lems...." 

[WingedSerpent]

The Tom Servo choirs are a favorite of mine.
Tom Servo Sings "Delta Knights"

best part is them singing the second song, and Mike getting upset with them.

[Derelict Coin-op]

http://youtu.be/dUh85A4M4Ds

This one comes to mind. 

[Trevor]

At the end of The Beatniks, Tom gets knifed by Crow, collapses on the table and says "Take.......care......of my turtle......." 

[Trevor]

It Conquered The World: the Dinner insults segment  

TOM: "Mmmm..You know that pie was delicious, did you bake it yourself?'
JOEL: "Oh no, it's just a recipe my grandmother stole from the bakery."
[CROW slurps down coffee]
JOEL: "Hey, you want some more?"
CROW: "Only half a gallon."
JOEL: "What are you so smug about? You look like a man who's just inherited Texas."
TOM: [slurps coffee] "Well, it may not be too far off. You know, this coffee tastes like it came out of an oil derrick. What did you strain it through, a mummy?"
CROW: "Yeah. The coffee tastes like mud. Roger Mudd."
TOM: "Oh, the coffee wasn't half as bad as the dinner."
JOEL: "Well, I always burn it when you come home drunk."
CROW: "So you burn it every night?"
JOEL: "Don't bring that up again."
CROW: "I have to bring it up: if I hold it in, I'll die."
TOM: "Dye! That's what this coffee tastes like. Dye!"

JOEL: "Did you two get enough? You hardly touched your steak."
CROW: "I didn't want to touch it, it scared me."
TOM: "Yeah, talking about steaks being tough, I thought they retired mail-order studs."
JOEL: "Well, what would you know about being a stud?"
CROW: "The meat was better if you put that fuzzy gravy on it."
TOM: "Oh, was that gravy? I thought the dog had been sick."
CROW: "I've never seen spam served so many ways, especially in a jello."
TOM: [coughs] "You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself."
JOEL: [offended] "Oh well, it looks like you enjoyed the marinade or were you just being a pig?"
CROW: "Hey, the only thing that's marinated around here is Tom."
TOM: "Oh that's great. Why don't you just skip dinner and go straight to passing out on the table?"
JOEL: "OK, keep it down you two."
CROW: "I don't think I can keep anything down if I have to keep looking at that dessert."
TOM: "Oh, you know on second thoughts, forget about the pie and just read the recipe."