Favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 Host Segments

[Rev. Powell]

OK, we have a long-running thread on best riffs, so it seems a separate thread on host segments is long overdue.

I'll start with Tom's love song to the "beautiful Creepy Girl" from CATALINA CAPER.  I particularly like the lines

"Oh Creepy Girl, oh won't you be mine?
I'll give you scrolls and fish, and tinkertoys, and wi-hi-yine."

What about you?

[ChaosTheory]

Favorite Joel host segment would probably be the Pants Up song from DADDY-O.

Favorite Mike segment would be either the "Rompelo!" bit from PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR, or the segments from THE STARFIGHTERS, in which Crow can't get onto the internet and Mike gets "debriefed"   

[retrorussell]

"Idiot control now" from POD PEOPLE
"You ARE magic, aren't you Trumpy?" from POD PEOPLE
"Torgo's Pizza" from MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE

[Rev. Powell]

The "Only Love Pads the Film" finale from SIDEHACKERS. 

"'Cause nothing lasts forever,
Only love pads the film.
Of all the dreams we treasure,
Only love, love pads the film."

[AndyC]

The William Conrad Fridge Alert from Human Duplicators.

"Gamera is really neat, he is filled with turtle meat" song by Joel and the Bots, in Gamera vs. Guiron.

Also Mike Nelson entertaining the Mads as piano bar entertainer Michael Feinstein, in Gamera vs. Guiron.

[AndyC]

Beginning of the End - Mike calls the Mads
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grg8ctWoDZs

[Raffine]

Way back in the day I was watching the new MST3K with a rather dour friend of mine who (naturally) was a very serious Morrissey fan. I had convinced him he might fine the show amusing.

And then... without warning... this happened:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQR78U6zvGI

He angrily left the room and went home.

[lester1/2jr]

definately the one about the guy going to the university of minnesota 

[AndyC]

definately the one about the guy going to the university of minnesota 

"I'm Peter Graves, and I'd like to enroll at the University of Minnesota."

[lester1/2jr]

I love that episode and that skit is the best thing ever.

[WingedSerpent]

I think my personal favorite is from Agent from H.A.R.M with the whole Mike on trial storyline.  I love how Prof. Bobo was able to get the better of Observer for once.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EId0oEIDwqo

Then there is the ending segment from Devil Doll.  I use to torture my little brother by telling him "Your an ugly little puppet who can never have ham nor any luchein meats"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjiwSwzsby4


Then there's alwys
DEEP HURTING!
DEEP HURTING!
DEEP HURTING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjCjgjk9n0o

[Rev. Powell]

RING OF TERROR

"If Chauffeurs Ruled the World"

"If chauffeurs ruled the world,
It's what I'd like to see,
Then everyone in the world
Would take a back seat to me.
I wouldn't have to drive,
I wouldn't have to steer,
'Cause all would bow down before me
In total abject fear.
All the gorgeous dames
Would worship at my feet.
I could have any one I want!
Why, even Meryl Streep!
I'd have the complete respect
Of everyone on the planet,
Including intellectuals---
Even David Mamet.
Tell me, why do I have to take
Orders from this guy?
I'd like to drop him in a bucket of boiling grease
And watch him slowly die.
If chauffeurs ruled the world,
It's what I'd like to see,
But I guess some other palooka will rule the world---
No, not me."

[Raffine]

Crow's Ode To Estelle from THE MAGIC SWORD

As you guys I'm sure remember.
I think it was maybe last December.
I fell, pall mall, for Kim Cattrall.

But now, I'm over that.
We had our little spat.
I'm older, wiser and I know that my true love is really named...Estelle!

She's swell!
She's cute
She's rooty-toot-toot.
I bet she smells like Juicy Fruit.

She can really play a witch
She was even on Bewitched!
And I'm bewildered and bothered!

Crow, you are my buddy,
And maybe I'm a fuddy duddy
But step back please, and think about some stuff.

I'm sure that she seems nice.
But I bet she's more than twice your age.
And with your love it might not matter--
But can she control her bladder?

(spoken)
Joel: Tom, come on.
Tom: Ok, but Joel, there's a whole other set of issues here. If I may, Crow, as a friend? As a trusted advisor?
Crow: Well...

Tom: Ok.
Here's a quick list of people much better looking than Estelle
Fred Biletnikoff, Brandon Tartikoff, Sid and Marty Krofft!
Fred Gwynne and Anthony Quinn and Rin Tin Tin and Pearl Bailey
And Moms Mabley and Mayor Daley and Hank and Phoebe Snow!
Ethel Merman and Pee Wee Herman and Strom Thurmond and Vince Lombardi and George and Jesus Jones.
Edith Head and Mister Ed and Nostradamus and Danny Thomas and Leona and Sherman Hemsley!

(spoken)

Crow: Joel, make him stop!
Joel: Tom, you're not helping things at all. Can you go and clip those coupons like you promised?
Tom: Duhhh, Okay. (Singing) Willy DeVille and Agnes de Mille and Cruella DeVille and Roscoe Tanner and...
Joel: Crow, listen. Don't worry about him. Why don't you tell us more about how you're feeling?

She's a vision
I got a new mission.
Somehow I got to meet her.
So she's older...two, three, four...
She's got a great motor,
There's nothing that can beat her!

Crow, you have my blessing.
And I feel like confessing.
You're my little pal.
Go on and give it a try.
Cause you're bewildered and bothered!

[AndyC]

From The Unearthly - Hard Pills to Swallow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9w5WQLgcT8
Frank's constant bawling in this one just cracks me up.

[AndyC]

Mighty Jack had a couple of funny host segments.

The commercial for Mighty Jack, from the makers of Mighty Dog and Hungry Jack. It's at 4:16.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=158eBuhW81k&feature=related

And their spoof of the "blinding light chamber" scene. It's at about the four-minute mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgnwXQUMFxY&feature=related
Servo: You'd better tell us what we want to know. The lights in there are capable of blinding you.
Joel: Well, that doesn't bother me. I'll just keep my eyes shut.
Crow: D'oh!
Servo: Foiled again.