Dirty-Sounding Words/Phrases That Really Aren't Dirty

[Flick James]

Feel free to be as immature as you wish with this thread. I've been considering buying an Irish flute to start learning to play, and in my research about playing techniques, came across a term that made me think of starting this topic.

Flutter-tonguing: This is a technique used with non-reed wind instruments where the tongue is moved or fluttered while blowing to create forms of articulation.

What a great term, flutter-tonguing. A non-dirty definition to a pair of words that sound truly off-color.

Can you come up with any others?

[The Burgomaster]

"Masticate" - to chew

[The Burgomaster]

Here are some I found online:

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN AN OFFICE AREN'T:

10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!
5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?

And the #1 thing that sounds dirty, but at the office isn't:
1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM AREN'T:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the #1 thing that sounds dirty, but in law isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

And the #1 thing that sounds dirty, but in golf isn't:
1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.  

[Psycho Circus]

"Fecund" - to be fruitful/productive

"Subpoena Duces Tecum"  - a type of court order

[LilCerberus]

Ballcock: That thing that control the water intake of your toilet tank.

[The Burgomaster]

* Tit Willow - A lake in Canada (among other things)

* Titicaca - A lake in South America

* Uvula - The thing that hangs down where the roof of your mouth meets your throat

[Psycho Circus]

p***ywillow - it grows on trees don't ya know?

[Raffine]

Butt joint - The lower half of a bassoon.



You want your butt joint to be lined in rubber to prevent moisture damage.

[The Burgomaster]

You want your butt joint to be lined in rubber to prevent moisture damage.

This does NOT conjure up a pretty picture.

[LilCerberus]

Asperger's syndrome: A form of high functioning autism

(It sounds like you're saying @$$-burger)

[Nakuyabi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6iSk9vsK_E
Do you have urges in your areas?

[Flick James]

Wow! This thread's got potential. Thanks so far.

Here's another music-related one: G-string.

In reference to Burgo's one about the office. I've got this female co-worker who is good people, but also a bit loud in her phone conversations. She also tends to say things that, taken out of context or mis-heard, are hilariously inappropriate.

Example #1: She was telling somebody she just sent an email to check her junkmail box because apparently the person on the other end of the phone couldn't see her email. So, combined with the general volume lull in the office that just happened to be at the same time, plus the fact that she was a bit frustrated, we hear, loud as can be: "CHECK YOUR JUNK!"

Example #2: This was just the other day. We have security badges that we have to wear to swipe to get into and out of the building. Her's wasn't working for some reason, so we all hear her, in her usual loud voice, talking to security about her non-working badge, only for some reason, we all could have sworn that instead of saying "badge" she said "vag." So here's the statement we overhear: "There's something wrong with my vag."

Example #3: I swear this JUST HAPPENED as I'm writing this. I just heard her say "Let me know when you've got it up." After the usual raised eyebrows she informed us she was trying to guide somebody to a specific website.

[Mr. DS]

Dick's Sporting Goods

[The Burgomaster]

Not dirty . . . and I hope I don't offend anyone with this . . . but does anyone remember the "AYDS DIET PLAN"?  When the AIDS disease started to become well-known, these commercials seemed extremely awkward.  Eventually, they disappeared from television.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBkVuT5pw1g&feature=related

[AndyC]

Knob and tube - an obsolete style of house wiring.