I am no longer a virgin...sadly

Javakoala · October 25, 2012, 07:38:17 AM

By saying that I am no longer a virgin, I mean I finally watched a Doris Wishman movie. I thought I had seen one, but after last night, I know that to be a lie.

The film was "Deadly Weapons" with Chesty Morgan, or "Zsa Zsa" as the credits listed her.

My girlfriend, Amy, watched it with me. About 20 minutes into it, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "This is the worst movie. Period. The worst." And we continued to watch it. And laugh. And groan. And shout, "WTF?!?!?" roughly every 2 minutes. I could feel my brain cells killing themselves to avoid carrying the memory of this film. I honestly had a headache after sitting through this...this...heaven help me, "mess" doesn't cover it.

The scary thing is, as Amy got up to leave, she said, "Well, there are 2 more movies by this Wishman lady on the Blu-Ray, so we have something to look forward to next time." This is why I love this woman without doubt or question.

Are ALL of Doris Wishman's movies this brain-damagingly bad?

Andrew · October 25, 2012, 07:42:55 AM

Quote from: Javakoala on October 25, 2012, 07:38:17 AM
Are ALL of Doris Wishman's movies this brain-damagingly bad?

Yes.

Trevor · October 25, 2012, 08:53:53 AM

Quote from: Andrew on October 25, 2012, 07:42:55 AM
Quote from: Javakoala on October 25, 2012, 07:38:17 AM
Are ALL of Doris Wishman's movies this brain-damagingly bad?

Yes.

I just googled her and some of those titles make my eyes bleed.

On a better note: Welcome, Brother Java!

Javakoala · October 25, 2012, 10:56:52 AM

Quote from: Trevor on October 25, 2012, 08:53:53 AM
Quote from: Andrew on October 25, 2012, 07:42:55 AM
Quote from: Javakoala on October 25, 2012, 07:38:17 AM
Are ALL of Doris Wishman's movies this brain-damagingly bad?

Yes.

I just googled her and some of those titles make my eyes bleed.

On a better note: Welcome, Brother Java!

Andrew:
Then my life will be forever scarred. On to Double Agent 73!!

Trevor:
If that's the case, good sir, don't ever watch one of them...your head will explode. And thank you! I've been lurking and posting more often. I'm hoping to be a regular inmate here again soon.

The Burgomaster · October 25, 2012, 02:46:18 PM

Quote from: Javakoala on October 25, 2012, 07:38:17 AM

Are ALL of Doris Wishman's movies this brain-damagingly bad?

"Deadly Weapons" is one of the best ones. Try watching some of her earlier black & white gems if you want to see supreme badness.

ChaosTheory · October 25, 2012, 03:04:04 PM

Today you are a man

Ed, Ego and Superego · October 25, 2012, 03:22:24 PM

Hmm, I didn;t think I'd seen any, until I read the synopsis of deadly weapons.

Andrew · October 25, 2012, 03:26:32 PM

Doris is amazing in how bad they are, and how impossible it is to believe she thought certain shots were actually needed at all (let alone important). I'll highly suggest you find "Bad Girls Go to Hell" (which I've reviewed - but don't read it until after you see it).

There's also a mind-boggling scene in "Another Day, Another Man" with two girls dancing in their underwear. One of the girls is wearing a massive maxi-pad in her underwear. It bounces all over the place, because it's the size of a small pillow. Yikes! Why did Doris use that girl for the scene? Or, if she had to use that girl, why didn't she wait a few days to film the scene sans maxi?

Rev. Powell · October 25, 2012, 03:51:52 PM

Quote from: Andrew on October 25, 2012, 03:26:32 PM
Doris is amazing in how bad they are, and how impossible it is to believe she thought certain shots were actually needed at all (let alone important). I'll highly suggest you find "Bad Girls Go to Hell" (which I've reviewed - but don't read it until after you see it).

There's also a mind-boggling scene in "Another Day, Another Man" with two girls dancing in their underwear. One of the girls is wearing a massive maxi-pad in her underwear. It bounces all over the place, because it's the size of a small pillow. Yikes! Why did Doris use that girl for the scene? Or, if she had to use that girl, why didn't she wait a few days to film the scene sans maxi?

BAD GIRLS GO TO HELL is one of my favorites!

I also recommend THE AMAZING TRANSPLANT from Wishman. It's a HANDS OF ORLAC ripoff, but instead of a murderer's hands the guy gets a rapist's wee-wee....

RCMerchant · October 25, 2012, 04:06:34 PM

I NEED to see some Wishman-I -too-am a Wishman virgin!

I wanna see THIS one-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kmb34upfAro

...except I heard tell most of the film actually plays like THIS....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCl2krcdioE&feature=related

...which seems like one of them cheezy Cornet educational films from the 60's-70's-this one being for teaching blithering idiots table manners.

Javakoala · October 25, 2012, 08:23:38 PM

Well, I ordered more of her stuff, but had to pass on A Night To Dismember as it was selling for $40. I can spend 20 bucks for more Night Train than I can drink and end up with less of a headache and less bowel irritation.

alandhopewell · October 26, 2012, 02:48:55 PM

Quote from: Javakoala on October 25, 2012, 07:38:17 AM
By saying that I am no longer a virgin, I mean I finally watched a Doris Wishman movie. I thought I had seen one, but after last night, I know that to be a lie.

The film was "Deadly Weapons" with Chesty Morgan, or "Zsa Zsa" as the credits listed her.

My girlfriend, Amy, watched it with me. About 20 minutes into it, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "This is the worst movie. Period. The worst." And we continued to watch it. And laugh. And groan. And shout, "WTF?!?!?" roughly every 2 minutes. I could feel my brain cells killing themselves to avoid carrying the memory of this film. I honestly had a headache after sitting through this...this...heaven help me, "mess" doesn't cover it.

The scary thing is, as Amy got up to leave, she said, "Well, there are 2 more movies by this Wishman lady on the Blu-Ray, so we have something to look forward to next time." This is why I love this woman without doubt or question.

Are ALL of Doris Wishman's movies this brain-damagingly bad?

Yes....but there's always Andy Milligan.

Javakoala · October 27, 2012, 03:05:28 PM

I actually LIKE Andy Milligan movies! Yeah, they are brain dead, but they just sort of lay there. Deadly Weapons, the movie (just so I'm clear), actively slapped my brain into inactivity. In Doris Wishman's defense, I think I'm safe in saying she never had a young girl nail a mouse to a table top. Mr. Milligan can't make that claim. Not that I'm a member of PETA. (Personally, I'm in favor of using PETA members for product testing, but that's another topic.)

Ozzymandias · October 27, 2012, 03:30:26 PM

Quote from: Javakoala on October 27, 2012, 03:05:28 PM
I actually LIKE Andy Milligan movies! Yeah, they are brain dead, but they just sort of lay there. Deadly Weapons, the movie (just so I'm clear), actively slapped my brain into inactivity. In Doris Wishman's defense, I think I'm safe in saying she never had a young girl nail a mouse to a table top. Mr. Milligan can't make that claim. Not that I'm a member of PETA. (Personally, I'm in favor of using PETA members for product testing, but that's another topic.)

Ozzymandias speaks: What about having a guy bit into a rabbit?
Ozzymandias has spoken!!!

RCMerchant · October 27, 2012, 08:47:03 PM

Quote from: Javakoala on October 27, 2012, 03:05:28 PM
I actually LIKE Andy Milligan movies! Yeah, they are brain dead, but they just sort of lay there. Deadly Weapons, the movie (just so I'm clear), actively slapped my brain into inactivity. In Doris Wishman's defense, I think I'm safe in saying she never had a young girl nail a mouse to a table top. Mr. Milligan can't make that claim. Not that I'm a member of PETA. (Personally, I'm in favor of using PETA members for product testing, but that's another topic.)

I like Andy too.
GOD SWEET GOD OH HELP ME NO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFznYVzCzvI

I have sat thru some of his films.ALL OF IT. It Hurt.IT HURT.