Best Tripadvisor review ever!

[Trevor]

Teenage mutants in Bloemfontein?

Not only was my room door the area for a gathering of teenage mutants, but I was woken up continuously throughout the night by the same group of mutants!

[Chainsawmidget]

Teenage mutants in Bloemfontein?

Not only was my room door the area for a gathering of teenage mutants, but I was woken up continuously throughout the night by the same group of mutants!

Why do I get the feeling that a horror movie plot was going on at the time and this guy just happened to not realize it?

[Trevor]

Linen had the usual hairs in it but it is futile complaining on it. I am just pleased no pubic hair this time so Marriott has improved standards thankfully.

Ewww..... 

[Trevor]

We were in the back room and the bedding smelled like old feet

Ergg..... 

[Trevor]

Someone complaining about the loud sound of ocean waves in Cape Town.. 

The room otherwise was reasonably sized and very light. It is worth noting however that there is little to no sound proofing, so the sound of crashing waves below were very loud – which may or may not be a good thing, depending on how well you sleep.

[Trevor]

I had a room in the third floor. The first day I met a cockroach in the bathroom.

[Trevor]

Have you ever heard a resort manager tell you to "bugger off" even though you booking lasts for two more days?

[Trevor]

The worst thus far: from the Westin Hotel in Cape Town.

I arrived in my Westin hotel room on 27/04/2018 to find the toilet seat covered with the previous guests feces.

[Trevor]

And who leaves their teeth on a side plate? 

My staff say that they have not found your wife's dentures that were left on the side plate in the restaurant and I assure you that if they had found it they would have made every attempt to get it back to you, as they have done previously with lost property

Yuck 

[Trevor]

German visitor to a hotel near the Kruger National Park complaining about large frogs in the swimming pool:

große Frösche im Minipool

[Trevor]

And the best clapbacks on Tripadvisor belong to the owner of the Atlantic View Boutique Hotel in Cape Town 

https://www.tripadvisor.co.za/Hotel_Review-g312658-d631305-Reviews-Atlanticview_Cape_Town_Boutique_Hotel-Camps_Bay_Western_Cape.html

I would like to stay there just to meet the owner 

[Alex]

Wasn't on trip advisor, but I loved and sympathised with this review.

I went outside. It was cold, wet and I was forced to engage with people. I do not recommend this outside place.

[Trevor]

These two from the same $2000 per night lodge in South Africa:

Later that evening - after another poor meal (both in choice and quality), I suffered significant stomach issues with prolonged visits to the toilet.

The room while very comfortable was tatty, balcony has bird crap all over it, on the outdoor furniture crap everywhere, a birds nest was actually on the doorway and the birds were crapping everywhere. Window ledges had dead flies and insects all over it etc.

[Trevor]

What is this "brown sludge" they speak of? 

Had to make 2 telephone calls to Reception and visit twice also as they repeatedly advised we had water despite not visiting our room. Brown sludge then appeared.

Errrgghhhh........... 

[Rev. Powell]

SERVO: "Dear TripAdvisor: Too much snow! Did not appreciate avalanche! Service staff was all dead! Cannot recommend!"
CROW: "Dear TripAdvisor: TRIED to get room service, but the kitchen was on fire! Not the kind of service I'm accustomed to!"
JONAH: "Dear TripAdvisor: Band at disco only knew one song! Probably nice for singles but not for families who want to keep their children ALIVE!"
SERVO: "Dear TripAdvisor: Vending machines only had CHEEZ-ITS! Chair lift and electrocution is nowhere near as fun as advertised!"
CROW: "Dear TripAdvisor: Found cheerleader in my salad! Wait staff refused to help! ONE OUT OF FIVE STARS!!!"
JONAH: "Dear TripAdvisor: Spent a magical weekend with the owner's mother. She's a bright, sassy lady! Seemed to think we were in Hawaii. Surprisingly good on keyboard. Died in a horrible explosion. Three stars."

--the hotel in AVALANCHE