TMI Thread

[javakoala]

After it happened I went over to my husband (who found it beyond hilarious) and said, "Give me a kiss."

And here is the expected question: "Did he?"  That would be a whole different level of TMI.

[javakoala]

Well, there used to be time that I worked at a convenience store on the edge of Tahlequah, OK. I lived downtown in a boardinghouse I still call "Psycho House" (I have multiple stories about THAT place that are weird, but don't belong here.)

Anyway, I didn't have a vehicle so I had to walk about two or three miles to work. I was usually the lucky stiff who got to work the opening shift on Sundays, so I'd be up and on my way usually a little before 5 in the morning. One early, early morning, I was walking along with everything fine when, out of the blue, I heard a growl. It was my intestines. No pain, just this really nasty growl.

Fine. I kept walking.

A few minutes later, another growl followed by what felt like a couple of liters of gas ballooning in my guts along with the pain that bloating brings.

I picked up my pace, but didn't feel too concerned.

Another few minutes pass, and I doubled over with this intense cramping in my intestines. Okay, so I realized I really needed to hurry. There was a 24-hour gas station on my path to work that I could stop at and take care of things. Just a couple more blocks.

Before I got past one block, it hit me again, and I pretty much had to hold my entire body rigid, muscles clenched everywhere to keep things under control. The spasm passed. I tried to run without putting too much strain on my already unhappy body.

There it was. The gas station. Just up the street. I was never so happy to see a place in my entire life. I kept trotting towards its beckoning light.

The pain hit again, bad enough that it stopped me in my tracks for fear of stumbling and falling. I tightened every muscle I could. Sweat broke out all over my body. The pain increased. I start begging for it to stop. The pain turned up a notch. I started crying and mumbling, "No, no, no, please, no. Please stop!" Finally, it felt like someone punched me in the stomach, and I practically screamed right there in the middle of a residential street, in the darkness, at 5:30 or so in the morning.

The remaining walk to the gas station was slow as I was trying oh so hard to keep the massive mess from spreading. I got in, threw the underwear away (even Trevor would have been horrified), cleaned up, and then had to call a cab to take me back to Psycho House so I could change clothes, then have them drive me to work.

The most painful and humiliating trip to work I have EVER had.

[RCMerchant]

This is all very disgusting...so I guess this  story of woe will fit.
I have bad hemmroids. Back when I drank every day,they would bleed-and I mean bleed ALOT-enuff so that when I woke up at times I was covered waste down in blood. That's gross-but here's where it gets really f**ked up. I was drinking with this scary woman named Theresa,and we decided to do the hibbity jibbity. So while we were on the couch doin' it,my 'roids decided to pour blood-thing is-we didn't notice it untill we we're done. Both are legs and-extremities were soaked in ass blood. Needless to say-I never saw her again!   

[AoTFan]

Sometimes I pass out, or almost pass out, when I have really big poops or diarrhea.  When it's really bad, I have had to faintly call for my husband to fetch me water and watch me to make sure I don't fall over and crack my head open.  I think I might really die on the toilet one day.

Okay, dumb question, but have you ever, I dunno.. talked to a medical professional about that?  Cause that doesn't sound normal.   

[RCMerchant]

Sometimes I pass out, or almost pass out, when I have really big poops or diarrhea.  When it's really bad, I have had to faintly call for my husband to fetch me water and watch me to make sure I don't fall over and crack my head open.  I think I might really die on the toilet one day.

Okay, dumb question, but have you ever, I dunno.. talked to a medical professional about that?  Cause that doesn't sound normal.   

Actually-I think thats a really good question-that aint normal.

[ER]

Saturday January 28, 2017 Well....I can now say I have cleaned human brain and blood and teeth and bone fragments off a wall, and ripped up a strip of carpet saturated in blood and urine and what may have been feces, even sanded blood off a hardwood floor under the carpet, scraped tissues off plaster. Painted over where blood had been. Plastered shotgun pellet holes in a wall. Aired out a room where someone died violently. The longer we'd look the more we'd find to clean up. Even splatters on the white ceiling, none of it red until it got wet again, all this deep cinnamon brown and it smelled awful. Even gore inside an electric socket he sat in front of, which L. took off and we wiped out and scraped out with a flathead screwdriver. Somehow it did not feel right sending someone else to do all that, so L. and I went, and will never tell the children, who assumed we were getting a place ready, which...we were, the other man is not moving back, we gave him the deposit back and let him off the lease. L. said him doing that there will probably cost us at least twenty-percent on re-sale value now, because you have to disclose suicide or murder when you sell a house. It smelled like decay and metal. Less gross than tragically sad. We sat by the river for a while when we got done and promised each other we'd never do that. Stupid R. begged me to send him pictures. Don't think I want to talk to him for a while.

[sprite75]

I need to locate the toenail trimmers. 

[javakoala]

I need to locate the toenail trimmers. 

Oh my GOD!!! You're supposed to trim those?!?! No wonder I wear out socks and shoes so damned fast.

[AoTFan]

I used to have a BIG problem with biting my nails, but I finally broke myself of that habit.  What was amazing was how EASY it was in retrospect.  I just started wearing shoes.

[sprite75]

I need to locate the toenail trimmers. 

Oh my GOD!!! You're supposed to trim those?!?! No wonder I wear out socks and shoes so damned fast.

Yeah, and don't let em go until you need one of these to get them loose...

[Paquita]

Sometimes I pass out, or almost pass out, when I have really big poops or diarrhea.  When it's really bad, I have had to faintly call for my husband to fetch me water and watch me to make sure I don't fall over and crack my head open.  I think I might really die on the toilet one day.

Okay, dumb question, but have you ever, I dunno.. talked to a medical professional about that?  Cause that doesn't sound normal.   

Ha!  Yes.  It's called vasovagal syncope where seemingly random things trigger a person to pass out, and having low blood pressure doesn't help.  I had extensive tests done years ago, including a spinal tap, after I nearly passed out in a meeting at work.  I also went to the ER last year when I couldn't recover from a bout of a stomach bug and kept falling on the bathroom floor.  Stress can make it worse.  It also happens if I get a cut on any of my fingers - not the sight of blood, just a cut on a finger.   

[Allhallowsday]

http://youtu.be/T06bEXYCWu0

[indianasmith]

This morning I woke up to a growl from my bowel.
No problem, I often have to take the Browns to the Superbowl first thing in the morning, but as I was putting on my socks my guts gave a startling lurch.  I looked down and saw my intestines MOVING, man, like an alien was about to pop out of my stomach!
I asked my wife "Are you done in the bathroom?"
She said "Just finished!"
I said "GOOD!" and lunged for the toilet.
It felt like someone was jerking my innards out with a logging chain.  Seriously, the first round was expelled with such force that if I was standing up, it might have landed on the other side of the road in our neighbor's yard!  The worst diarrhea I have had in ages.
I was groaning so loudly my wife asked if I was OK.
"I'm giving birth to a jumbo bowl of cream of s*** soup!" I returned.
I got up after ten minutes, and ten minutes later had to go again.
It was so bad that I actually took a spare pair of pants and undies to work, just in case.
It hit me twice more - once around 7:30 and again at 10: 45.  Finally there was just nothing left in there to come out.
But I did live the day by the Third Rule of Jack Nicholson from THE BUCKET LIST:


"Never trust a fart!"   

[Trevor]

No problem, I often have to take the Browns to the Superbowl first thing in the morning,

That's odd: I thought it was the Patriots vs Falcons at this year's Superbowl? 

[Trevor]

I got no pants on