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May 14, 2021, 05:47:29 PM
665527 Posts in 50833 Topics by 7104 Members
Latest Member: TheBouncer Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  300 (2007) « previous next »
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Author Topic: 300 (2007)  (Read 3458 times)
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« on: February 09, 2017, 10:43:23 PM »

300 was the single worst movie of 2007. It is also the single
most vulgar and trashy movie of the present decade. 300 is also
the single most historically inaccurate movie in quite some time.
300 is a movie to avoid unless you really like seeing awful movies.

300 is based on a "graphic novel" aka pretentious and over priced comic book
that was done by Frank Miller. Miller is an old hack in comic
books who has managed to screw up practically every project that he has
ever handled. During the 1980's, he did a graphic novel of Batman
calling him "The Dark Knight." Miller's Batman more resembled the kind
of person that Adolf Hitler would have had in the Gestapo than the
classic comic book character. Miller was also responsible for a series
of Daredevil stories that basically trashed one of the more venerable
comic book super heroes. Needless to say, whenever Frank Miller is
involved in a comic book project, the results are certain to be
disappointing to all those who appreciate great comic books.

Such was the case with the original 1999 hardcover comic book aka
graphic novel version of 300. Not only was it poorly drawn and
colored, it was extremely vulgar in a homosexual way. Real life Spartan
soldiers wore full armor as opposed to running around half naked like they
did in Miller's creation. If the Spartans really went about warfare with as little
clothing and armor on, as Miller would have you believe, then
they would have been slaughtered like cattle. Instead of being
synonymous with bravery, the word Spartan would instead be
synonymous with stupidity.

300 is equally abysmal in its presentation of the Persian enemy. The Persian Empire
was the largest country of all antiquity. Slavery was
abolished under Cyrus the Great several decades before Persia attempted
to conquer Greece. Meanwhile, for all the talk of "freedom" in 300 ,
in Greece it was perfectly lawful to own people in bondage. Also, Persian
warriors were not the freaks depicted in the movie, nor did their "King of Kings"
Xerxes go around with numerous body piercings like some grotesque freak.

The movie version of 300 was made in much the same way that movies
such as "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" and "Sin City" were made.
The flick was filmed at indoor movie studios and in front of green screens.
Once the acting was finished, the special effects technicians took over and they
inserted the film footage of the actors into a digitally created world. The end result
looks just like a Computer Graphics Interface (CGI) movie. In other words, it looks more like a
glorified cartoon than a real movie with real actors.

Another problem is that 300 seems like it was planned to have
a video game spin off. The battles depicted in this movie are the kind
of battles that fit right in on a video game format. The elephants,
rhinoceroses and the chained giant look more like video game characters
than movie characters. The members of the Persian Army all look like
clones of one another.

When you consider that one of the characters is a deformed hunchback
ogre who has arms that look like lobster claws, it is impossible to take
this grotesque flick as being anything better than a piece of garbage. 300
is truly an ugly movie and is about as involving as watching a video game demo.
300 is a movie to avoid like the plague.
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken

Karma: 2340
Posts: 13786

A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!

« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2017, 12:44:27 AM »

I loved every gory blood-spurting minute of it! LOL
Takes all kinds, I guess.

"I'm always up for a little anarchy, as long as it's well-planned and carefully organized!"
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 1272
Posts: 8984

The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters.

« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2017, 10:15:03 AM »

Hang on, let me find a review I wrote for this movie a long time ago....

The Greatest Gay Movie EVER!!!!

Personally I don't get 300, but then again I'm not a gay man, but if you're reading this, chances are good you are!

300 is a movie that works much like the old He-Man cartoon used to, appealing to the same demographic and that demographic's secret desire to watch well-developed men wrestle, run, fight and be oh-so mean to one another. I know when I was little in the 80s it seemed like all the boys in the neighborhood would exercise their inner gayness by rushing inside to watch He-Man with its now obvious homo-erotic undertones, but He-Man at his raunchiest was never anything like 300!

Man, it must've taken total courage to make an erotic gay film like this in Hollywood of the Bush era. Shirtless men with oiled bodies running around half-naked, sweating, grunting, holding all manner of phallic-symbol swords, knives, spears, and with great facial hair, too!? I know all my gay male friends are in love with this comic book fantasy and LOVE getting it as a gift for their birthdays. I can just imagine all those "completely straight" husbands in suburbia sitting alone in their media rooms at night after the wifey and kids are tucked in, watching 300 and thinking and thinking and thinking...

So if you're a gay man or think you might be, see this sweaty little flick with that someone special...and have a long smoke afterward!

Das was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich noch merkwürdiger. (What does not kill me makes me stranger.)
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 1055
Posts: 8204

« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2017, 10:49:21 AM »

Happily married (for four years on Sunday) to a woman, but still managed to enjoy 300. I thought it hyper-exagerated something that really didn't need it, but was still a fun action film.

But do you understand That none of this will matter Nothing can take your pain away
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 1272
Posts: 8984

The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters.

« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2017, 11:04:28 AM »

Yeah, I was just goofing around a decade ago when I wrote that. I think it was a stirring movie and a spot-on adaptation of the graphic novel. A friend of mine got tears in his eyes at the end and I said, "Are you crying?"

He said, "No!"

(But he was....)

Das was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich noch merkwürdiger. (What does not kill me makes me stranger.)
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