Dark Alex's Really Long Post Thread.

[Alex]

Alas, most of those promises come from watching other people's actions. But hey, maybe I can take a turn at being a good guy for a change. It's been a while.

[Alex]

At work (on a break. I took a quick look out the window and neither the chinese, russians, north koreans, daesh or iran were coming over the horizon so I figure I can put my feet up for a few). Although you can never totally relax because well, there is always the french out there... lurking, waiting and being all frenchified. Not to mention the penguins. All of them just waiting for a moments weakness in Mankind's defences (yes, Mick Foley really is that important to the world).

Besides Shona and Jim can keep an eye out for 5 minutes.

Saved IT Dave's sanity earlier. He had done an A3 sized spread sheet in word that just refused to print out the way he had it all laid out. Boxes were being printed on top of each other and it was skipping the margins. If you have ever seen when John Cleese loses it with his car in Fawlty Towers, well imagine a taller, thinner version of Mr Cleese and replace the car with a printer and you'll have the idea. Anyway, got him to send me a copy of it in Word, then converted it to a PDF so now it printed out perfectly fine.

Yes, I could have told him how to do that, but then how would I keep my reputation for being able to work magic on these things?

Found a letter I had written around 20 years ago but never posted. I knew a guy who said he wanted to become a druid and asked me to train him, so I wrote up an essay on the different groups explaining what they all did. Before I got around to sending it to him, he did something, just a minor thing people do every day without even thinking about it. But I knew when he did it that he wasn't suited to being my apprentice. I did hear many years later he had gone back to the anglican church so I figure I made the right decision. Besides despite what vegetarians like to think they are not fitting better into nature and all that crap.

Although I do have to say, I am feeding Dagon a vegan only diet. I know people say this is cruel and not natural for a cat, however I disagree. They have a fair chance to escape first (I believe a bit of exercise first makes the meat more tender and juicy). And what could be more natural than catching a prey animal for a predator?

I am sadly running out of vegans to catch in the local area.

One of my favourite tee shirts reads "Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder."

Because Kristi can't change Dagon's litter tray she left him locked in one of the bathrooms. I got in last night and went to bed. This morning Dagon let his displeasure at being locked up for no reason show when he jumped up, bit my hand and then clawed me a couple of times. Kristi who locks him up gets him to sit on her lap. I let him out and get mauled.

Cheers for that.

Funny thing is if we lock him up when he has done something wrong he will stay in his bedroom until we let him out without making a noise. Shut him away for any other reason (like the windows were getting painted and we don't want him licking paint) and he will make it very clear he doesn't like it.

This cat is more intelligent than he should be. It's like an evil version of The Cat from Outer Space.

Just after 20:00 *checks outside* Still no invading armies infiltrating through the night. Or if they are they are wearing camo gear. If I was invading somewhere I'd wear a luminous pink clown costume, because no one would suspect that an army of clowns is going to take over their country. Go on, give me a logical denouncement of that one!

And if you are bored of reading this, just remember I still have somewhere around four hours of this to go.

Got the radio on. It had switched to a Jazz channel. What kind of seriously messed up person can listen to that and not feel their sanity running out of their ears. Anyway, I changed it to a light rock channel. Not my favourite, but most people can listen to that stuff without too many complaints. We've had Pink Floyd, U2 and that sort of ilk mostly, but also the odd bit of AC/DC too.

Found some work to do which looking at my watch took me 50 minutes to do. And still no one is invading. As I tax payer I protest at this waste of my taxes!
Mind you, it is bloody cold out there tonight, and any invading army had better be prepared to have their nuts drop off. It comes as a great shock to my wife's family when they visit just how cold it feels here. Utah might have lower temperatures but we have higher humidity and more of a wind factor which makes it feel a whole hell of a lot colder. The winds we have here just skip blowing around your flesh and clothes preferring instead to go straight to your bones and make them cold instead.

Having looked in the microwave I have decided not to heat up tonight's dinner and just go hungry tonight. Although tomorrow I am going to bring in some disinfectant with me.

Or maybe a flame thrower if I think I catch movement inside their again. Seriously how can people heat their food in what resembles a particularly messy mad scientist's biological warfare lab? We have all sorts of NBC drills taught to us to avoid falling prey to that kind of attack.

Never thought in my family I'd turn out to be the neat freak. When I was living in the block if I saw a dirty plate sitting there for three days in a communal area I didn't care who it belonged to, how much it cost or if it had some sentimental value. Out in the bin it went. I threw more than one microwave or George Foreman grill out in the bin too when they got too gross.

Think I am feeling ill. I keep shivering as if I was cold even though the heating is on quite high, my hips, knees and elbows are painful (which I am putting down to gout) and my skin is feeling super sensitive to the point where wearing clothes doesn't quite hurt but is immensely irritating. Doesn't have to rub against my skin for this, just touching it is enough. Better not mention to Kristi as she will just fuss over me and that irritates me even more. If I am in some way ill just leave me alone and let me get on with it. I'll ignore it as best as I can until it decides to bugger off. I've always figured if you ignore an illness long enough it will die off out of embarrassment all by itself and not come back it case you show it up again.

Had an appointment with my head shrink nurse today. He reckons I am all better now and is discharging me from his care. I thought, "Yay, just in time to be driven crazy (I figure given all the things both me and Kristi have done to other peoples' children that severe karma is incoming. We have fed them all the sugary drinks and E numbers they can eat, bought them noisy toys, taught them how to make really annoying noises. In an effort to head this off I have let everyone see that I have already bought Ash trumpets, drum kits, water pistols, kids TV series with annoying intro tunes. All of which will be hidden away when relatives are not around) by a child." He thanked me for being a model patient and doing all the things they had asked me to do even when I thought they were idiotic. Another three or four months and they'll take me off the anti-depressants and I can play with guns again.

Woopty doo.

Noisy, smelly things that require an inordinate amount of cleaning. Plus, I don't think there is a rifle on this planet that has been designed to be comfortable to carry on a 40km march across rough ground.

Went to ask the XO something earlier. He wasn't in his office but the light was on. I figured I'd go check the sign in/out board and see if he is about. So, I got to the board, looked at the mass of people in our building that share the same rank and thought "Bugger, which one of these is the XO?" I mean I assume he has a name and he has been here a year and a half so you'd think I'd have some idea, but no. I've even had conversations on multiple occasions with the man and he knows my name. Maybe XO is his name? Like when they are given the job they have to give up their identity. I know the hours they work they certainly give up any family life.

And to think they wanted me to go for my commission and be one of them lol.

I have considered a lot of other job types in the RAF, from working in intel (which I flirted with but ultimately said no to as being able to see the other sides point of view I would imagine could be a big disadvantage in that field), working in a NATO post in Europe (my abilities in other languages are mostly confined to insults), the Lightning II program for a two year posting to the USA so Kristi could be closer to her family (however after that I'd have been posted to the one base in the entire RAF I do not want to go to and I'd be spending a lot of time away from home on things that float until the day they sink and then you have a long swim home) and most recently working in Northern Ireland, but that was just after Kristi got pregnant and she understandably didn't want to go for a move at that time.

Besides I think ER might slap me if I moved there willingly. I get the impression she isn't the world's biggest fan of it for some reason.

Speaking of ER, by the time I finish this I'll be having my trophy back thank you. Hope you gave it a good polish.

Shona got offended when I suggested she did woman's push ups (they do them from the knees rather than the feet). When she complained, I pointed out that unless I was missing my guess she was in fact a woman and therefore should shut up, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

Part of that story may not be true; however, the other part is.

Maybe I should take another leaf from ER's book and own up to something from my past. Only the only stories I have left that I can think of I no longer tell because no one ever believes what roadies get up to. Ah, here is one. I once accidently drank my own urine.

I was playing an online game and we were in the middle of a 15-minute-long boss fight and I was bursting for the toilet. As the main healer keeping the tanks alive I couldn't just walk away and go for a pee, so I grabbed an empty bottle of Irn Bru. I managed to get my trousers and underwear down one handed while not letting Panzer die at the hands of the final boss in Molten Core (Ragnaros), put the bottle between my knees and felt sweet relief as I emptied myself and filled the bottle. I'd also been drinking heavily that night. After the raid finished it was in the early hours and I went off to bed. In the morning, I woke up feeling uncommonly thirsty, and reached for the first bottle of Irn Bru without really looking at it. As soon as it touched my lips the previous night came flooding back in a rush and I spat it all back into the bottle. I then brushed my teeth. Several times as I recall. Seriously I don't know how other people can drink their own wee. It does not taste nice at all. So, if you've ever wondered the answer to that question, well now you know. And if you hadn't... well now you know that too.
Oh, and the reason poop is brown is because that is the colour of dead blood cells.

Something else you didn't know you needed to know until you knew it.

The others were discussing shoulder rubs (my seat faces away from Shona and Jim). I happened to mention I don't like my shoulders being touched and when someone has done it unexpectedly I have turned around and punched them before I realise what is happening. As it turned out it was lucky that I mentioned that as Jim was coming up behind me to demonstrate his technique but thought the better of it. Shona meanwhile likes to swear a lot. She is even more foul mouthed than our resident sweary female person (you all know who I mean).

Still no Taliban sneaking in.

Mind you, since I am not armed at the moment the fate of the country could depend on my trusty letter opener and stapler. I could pull their turbans down and staple the cloth to their faces and then stab them with the letter opener while they can't see what I am doing.

Hmm, Jason Bourne could learn a thing or two from me about improvised combat. Enough pop rocks and a card board tube and I'll make you an improvised mortar, or an unguided rocket launcher from knicker elastic and some rocks.

Sat and watched of my favourite 80's horror/thrillers today, The Hitcher. Watching it I wondered how Rutger Hauer would have done if he'd gotten the role of The Terminator? I like a lot of his films, but my own view is that he was never better than he was in this role, and the remake with Sean Bean was just a waste of time. It totally demystified the character, and failed for me in much the same reasons as the Friday 13th remake (and for that matter Nightmare on Elm Street).

Payday tomorrow. I wonder how much more Ash is going to cost me? After these things are born you can enrol them somewhere, and 16 years later they are delivered to you fully educated, well mannered, polite and respectful, right? I am sure that is how it works right?

I find it hard not to be respectful to babies though. After all they all look like Sir Winston Churchill. I think that is some sort of tribute to his achievements that for ever more all babies are born looking like him. For any faults he had, without him we'd be living in an entirely different world, and not one that would have been an improvement to my way of thinking.

I think I should actually do a RPG on BDMO. It might be a bit silly and hard to manage but if people were interested it could also be fun. But mostly silly. Hmm, which kind of setting though, fantasy, horror, sci fi, present day (booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring) or something different like Paranoia or Murphy's World?

My friend Garry wants to start up a modern-day Call of Cthulhu campaign where we play ourselves. I am reasonably fit, can handle weapons and generally hit a target reliably at 300 meters, got two college degrees, versed in mythology, the occult and not to mention all of Lovecraft's stories. Kristi has arthritis and asthma, is heavily pregnant and hates guns (not to mention someone who talks with their hands should not be allowed anywhere near such items). On the plus side she is a very loving person, exceptional cook and excellent at researching things online and the best cuddler I have ever cuddled, dabbles in knitting and genealogy (which in CoC can actually be a very useful skill). While this makes her a great person she may not be the best person to take to the field against the agents of nameless gods. Plus I already have pills for being crazy and failing my SAN check. Nonetheless I think this might be slightly unfair concept for her. I mean if we were playing Star Trek who the hell would want to be the guy who stays on the bridge, never gets on an away mission, but does occasionally get to raise the shields?

Got home an hour earlier than last night, so yay for being home before midnight. Kristi has a bath ran for me which I am about to go soak in. Here's to our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet. Name that quote for free karma (and I suspect one of the few people who will have read this far can do it without resorting to a search engine).

Hmm, what is happening in the world? People giving their opinions on things without ever having given me a reason to care about what they think. Skip all that for being boring and repetitive. Especially when it's from a source I've seen being wrong before. Kind of makes me doubt its credibility. Such a waste.
Anyway, off to soak in some hot water and see if it soothes my joints a bit. Brb.

Feeling better now. Happy witching hour everyone and welcome to a new day. There has been a light snow dusting Lossiemouth tonight. Elsewhere in the UK, it is a full blown storm. Glad my mum went home today (well now yesterday) and not tomorrow (which is now today of course).

Hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep tonight. If not... well maybe things will be even more quiet tomorrow and I can just sleep through the shift. At one point I thought IT Dave had done one of his silent disappearing moves where no one hears him leave, but he is just gone. When I went round the corner however he was merely lying on the floor with his eyes open.

He is a little bit odd is our IT Dave, but a good guy.

Feeling hungry so I think I'll go have something to eat, finish this off and then go cuddle up to Kristi. I am in the mood to give her warm hugs.

Of course no one warned me before we got married that when a woman gets 50% of everything you own, that this includes your body heat. She likes to drain me of all of mine like some infernal succubus.

Always wanted my own pet succubus.

Just as long as you don't get mixed up and ask for an incubus instead it will at least have a happy ending.

I did once offer to sell my soul for the ability to cross roads and always have traffic lights in my favour. This only however seems to work when my little brother is with me.

Possibly I sold his soul by mistake?

Hey I wonder if I could do that to other people too. I mean if it worked once... I wonder gentle reader, what can I get for YOUR soul?

Really, a half-eaten packet of peanuts? Cheers muchly. ;)

Oh well, what is the point in having dark powers than man was not meant to meddle with if you don't go having some fun with them? I mean really. The whole garden of Eden thing sounded like a bit of a set up to me. You know, don't touch the fruit of this tree but place it somewhere eminently findable and not for example on a distant impossible to reach mountain top, on the moon, or in a lost world beneath the crust of the earth just as a few possibilities off the top of my head. I mean sooner or later someone was going to eat a damn apple as they went forth and multiplied thus damning the entire human race. Or if he'd set the angel with the sword before the serpent got to Eve and told it to keep snakes out?

It just all seems a bit... convenient to me I guess.

Anyway, that's my random theology thoughts for this morning.

Kristi is being tormented by Dagon now. Ha! Not so much fun when he turns on you now is it? I told her he was treasonous. Maybe the next time I tell her to consign him to the dungeon with the probe droids she'll listen.

Guess I'll be giving her a leg massage later though to sooth the scratches. She is at the part of being tired where she talks like a three year old, which can be super cute, unless she decides she doesn't want to go to bed. I actually have had to resort to saying "Kristi Lynn Corbett, you are acting like a toddler, now go to bed!" on a couple of occasions. But then you should see what she has to do to get me to go to bed, and not forgetting the night I almost mistook her wardrobe for the toilet door.

That would have required some serious apologising had I not realised something was up when the door wouldn't open the way the toilet door normally did and I couldn't get inside.

But that was Evil Alex. I killed him.

And now dear reader, for those few brave and possibly insomniac souls who have stuck with me thus far, my magnum opus is steadily drawing slowing to a close.
May you and all your family sleep well and safe this night and may what you bring into this world be visited back to you twice as much (this includes good and bad things). I hope Lord Morpheus blesses you with interesting dreams that fill up the strange dream depository in the morning and the fresh day greets you with your favourite type of weather (mines is the one where is rains beer. Yet to see this happen, but I like to be optimistic about these things. After all, what is the point in going through life miserable and depressed. The best you are going to get is to make other people miserable. More likely you attract scorn, derision and perhaps if you are lucky indeed, some pity).

As my undertaker likes to say, if you are going to go, go with a smile. 

Good night everyone out there... What-ever you are.

[ER]

The trophy is yours again and likely to remain so! (But you just HAD to take away the one thing I had going here, you pee-drinking Scottish druid coach!) Huh, did someone say something? Thought I heard a seditious parenthetical whisper.  

I may kvetch about the parts of my childhood spent there and grumble about the whole island in a bleak effort at sardonic humor but the truth is Ireland is one of the most beautiful places anywhere, and the beer is so blessed and the women so charming Englishmen just couldn't stay home, and who could blame them? If you get a chance to go over, even if it is the North, take it. Ulster is, after all, the most glorious quarter of Eire....and naturally the one part that belongs to another country.

[Alex]

Lol no. I was just bored at work as I'd finished all the jobs I needed to do, helped with other peoples jobs, did some jobs that didn't need doing and then made up some jobs to do and had still ran out of things to do before 20:00.

If it helps though, you do get the award for the most beautifully written posts for some of your previous ones.

[Alex]

With all the snow that is hitting the country many roads and what not are all closed down. It's funny, when I was a kid this was would have been a moderate snow storm.

Still I guess actually dealing with problems like this instead of just whining about things you don't like doesn't quite fit todays sense of self entitled outrage that people increasingly seem to have these days. But in the spirit of joining in, I'd like to blame everyone older than me for making the world the way it is, and everyone younger than me for not doing anything to change it, thus neatly avoiding any personal sense of responsibility while allowing me a sense of (unjustified) moral outrage.

Kristi checked my temperature and decided I am running a fever (101.8 in old money). We ended up sleeping on opposites sides of the bed instead of cuddled up and she could still feel the heat radiating off me so I decided to get up and let her sleep. I'll mention to the doc tomorrow that I've been running this since Sunday or Monday.

Oh well, going to go find a comfortable couch to lie on, See you all later.

[Alex]

Karen is round visiting today. She is going to stay overnight, so I've planned out an evenings entertainment which includes Time Bandits, Ankle Biters, In Bruge and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Did I mention that Karen has a fear of midgets?

Snow kept on coming down all last night and is not what I would call at a respectable level. Some of the neighbours have built an igloo in their garden which is nice. You see a lot of kids out playing in the streets around here, which is something that doesn't seem to happen as much else where. But then we also have plenty open areas for them to play in which helps.

Anyhoos, I am doing my best to stay out the womens way, so what ever is going on down there (in my head it involves black pointy hats and at least one cauldron. I am convinced that the correct term for a group of women of any size greater than one is a coven of women, although I'd be also prepared to accept an unholy of women equally well).

Dagon is sitting staring daggers at me right now. I went to lift a box earlier and he leapt on my hand thinking I was playing, sinking his claws into the skin between my fingers, ripping them open. Later on I put fresh loo rolls on all the toilets and he then went to shred them and I caught him so he is now doing the cat equivilent of having a time out. He does not like being made to sit without any of his toys to play with.

Having done nights this week means my weekend has begun earlier. Once upon a time this meant getting beers in and getting the guys round for a party. Oh well, time marches on and drags us with it regardless of our wishes in the matter.

[Alex]

Two more full days of work to go before our trip to the hospital.

Hmm, I wonder if I could invent some sort of reverse ultra sound where you could beam pictures to baby instead of looking at the kids. You know, get them started watching bad movies while they are still in the womb.

Much like my electro shock collar for women who shop too long, I suspect that idea would get nixed, although that I at least got to build a fully working prototype of. Just a shame they wouldn't let me patent it, or use it as my final year project. I had all sorts of spin off ideas like underpants for men who cheat, lower voltage ones for children to encourage them to clean their rooms and so on. I would have marked them as my Pavlovian Reaction Range.

Ever read Johnathon Swift's (he didn't just write Gulivers Travels) A Modest Proposal For preventing the Children of Poor People From being a Burthen to Their Parents or Country, and For making them Beneficial to the Publick? If not it is worth checking out, although perhaps not as much as the reactions of some people to it. Especially those who thought it a good idea. No idea why it just popped into my head, but it did. Must be 28 years since I last read it.

Perhaps because of the movie I watched yesterday (The Bad Bunch). Some woman is dumped in the middle of the Texas desert in what is pretty much an open prison. The prison has two group of inhabitants (as many of this genre of movie seems to have), one lot who live in the town of Comfort, led by Keanu Reeves. Major hobbies in Comfort include taking recreational drugs and partying. The other lot, I am not sure if they have a leader or not, but they are called The Bridge People (although I saw no bridge) and well they get their protein where ever they can get it. One of them is played by Jason Momoa. Jim Carey also hangs around as some mute old crazy man.

The next part contains spoilers.

Anyway, shortly after arriving in this prison the heroine donates an arm and a leg to the Bridge People, but manages to escape by lying on a skateboard and pushing herself along by her remaining leg until she is rescued by Jim Carey who takes her in a shopping trolley to Comfort. She ends up killing Momoa's wife, kidnapping his daughter, and then rescuing her from Comfort. I think she falls in love with Momoa, who since he didn't seem to eat what was left of her I am going to guess finds her an acceptable replacement for his wife. I don't think he realises the heroine is the one who killed his wife etc, but that could make an interesting topic around the dinner table.

And given their diet, I guess there is even the option that the dinner could join in with his/her point of view on that.

I was writting up stuff for my D&D campaign so I wasn't paying 100% attention to the movie, which might answer some of the various questions I have about the film, but I got the impression a lot of stuff was just there for you to make your own mind up on.

Volunteered (yes, I broke the golden rule of never volunteering and I am now being punished for it), to help plan out a beach clean up and walk to some WW2 coastal defences. Rather than help plan it out, I am now planning the whole damn thing.

Burned there, well and truely.

We have quite a few fortifications in the local area since this would have been a very suitable landing ground should the German's have invaded via Norway (of which there was a good chance), some of which are in fairly good condition. Although alas they have removed the 6" navel guns which would have been fun to play with. A lot of the beaches still have the wooden posts that were put in place to stop enemy gliders landing, or would have barbed wire strung on them to hinder troops landing amphibiously.

I also have 1945 days left in the job. In 1945 6 long years of war finally drew to a close (although it was somewhat longer than that if you lived in China). Despite being on the victorious side, it was the final death knell for the British Empire as a third of its merchant fleet which kept the empire going was now rusting on the ocean floor (although in truth it was the failure of the country to be able to deal with the post WW1 situation which really finished the empire off. It had switched to producing war goods and the markets it had previously exported to learned to make the things they had previously imported for themselves. The empire was no longer economical to maintain although it would stagger on for quite some time. Hell, it wasn't until the late 70's if I remember correctly that the UK stopped having the biggest navy in the world)). Both my grandfathers would fight in that conflict, and one picked up a wound that would take until the early 80's to finally kill him. I have vague memories of him although both of them died before I had any chance to really get to know them well. They seemed like nice people. Ultimately the promise of peace that the end of the war might have brought instead descended into the joys of the Cold War.

It is strange how much of the world today is still in many ways dealing with the aftermath of that conflict and the problems that flowed from it (WW2, not the Cold War although yes it also still has repecussions). I wonder if those ripples will ever fully subside or do they just keep going, sometimes merging with other ripples and growing until they become a tidal wave...

Still for a while there was rejoicing and happiness and hope for the future. We should hold onto those moments and remember them always.

[Alex]

And finally it is here after almost nine months, we go into hospital tomorrow.

Kristi is fairly lucky that she actually has her date in advance. Normally (within certain limitis), the baby comes when the baby decides he is coming. Between our ages however and her being diabetic they are inducing her three weeks early.

Mum and Elizabeth are up visiting again. Since me and Kristi will be spending our time in hospital they are going to watch the house for us.

I guess I should look out some changes of underwear for that, and if I am feeling really fancy I might even wear matching socks rather than my normal "Yup, I have found two black socks, they can go on and no one will notice one is wool and one is cotton" type reaction when I normally select these things. I do improve my odds though by only having black socks.

Did my annual fitness test today, along with another NCO who is a bit higher ranking than me. We both passed, and because these things are all tracked I sent a message to the support cell telling them both myself and Dinky had passed. I also commented that Dinky might forget to email them as he is a bit old and may have a senior moment.

Ryan in the support cell decided to send an email out telling both me and Dinky that he had updated the stats sheet. And yeah, being Ryan he decided to do it by forwarding my original email to Dinky. I suspect when I get back to work in a couple of weeks I'll be on the receiving end of a one way conversation from Dinky. Fortunately I know Ryan's wife and I've asked her to flick Ryan on the testicles when he settles down to sleep tonight.

That'll teach him.

Some people have occasionally accused my revenge plots of not exactly being equal with the original offence and that I tend to go a bit overboard, but I figure if people understand that your retaliation is going to be much more severe than what ever they can do then they are much less likely to try something. I mean screw mutually assured destruction, just make sure your opponent understands that he is going to end up much worse than you and no one is going to mess with you.

And don't worry Indy, I haven't forgotten about that Dr Pepper comment. I am just biding my time... Patience after all is a virtue. 

[ER]

And finally it is here after almost nine months, we go into hospital tomorrow.

Kristi is fairly lucky that she actually has her date in advance. Normally (within certain limitis), the baby comes when the baby decides he is coming. Between our ages however and her being diabetic they are inducing her three weeks early.

Mum and Elizabeth are up visiting again. Since me and Kristi will be spending our time in hospital they are going to watch the house for us.

I guess I should look out some changes of underwear for that, and if I am feeling really fancy I might even wear matching socks rather than my normal "Yup, I have found two black socks, they can go on and no one will notice one is wool and one is cotton" type reaction when I normally select these things. I do improve my odds though by only having black socks.

Did my annual fitness test today, along with another NCO who is a bit higher ranking than me. We both passed, and because these things are all tracked I sent a message to the support cell telling them both myself and Dinky had passed. I also commented that Dinky might forget to email them as he is a bit old and may have a senior moment.

Ryan in the support cell decided to send an email out telling both me and Dinky that he had updated the stats sheet. And yeah, being Ryan he decided to do it by forwarding my original email to Dinky. I suspect when I get back to work in a couple of weeks I'll be on the receiving end of a one way conversation from Dinky. Fortunately I know Ryan's wife and I've asked her to flick Ryan on the testicles when he settles down to sleep tonight.

That'll teach him.

Some people have occasionally accused my revenge plots of not exactly being equal with the original offence and that I tend to go a bit overboard, but I figure if people understand that your retaliation is going to be much more severe than what ever they can do then they are much less likely to try something. I mean screw mutually assured destruction, just make sure your opponent understands that he is going to end up much worse than you and no one is going to mess with you.

And don't worry Indy, I haven't forgotten about that Dr Pepper comment. I am just biding my time... Patience after all is a virtue. 

What'd Dutch Schultz say? "I'm done being mad, I just want my revenge."

[Alex]

Still in the hospital waiting for the baby to start moving out.

I knew I should have ordered him on Amazon Prime. Mum and Elizabeth popped in for a visit earlier. Kristi's mum doesn't know we are in the hospital yet and has already sent 12 texts (this is why she hasn't been told), but she'll find out when she gets home from work.
Kristi is alternating between sleeping and having cramps. The ward has a TV on in it, and we are getting treated to the finest in daytime TV. I have always considered those programs to be a very good incentive to get up off my arse and get a job.

Bloody Jeremy Kyle. I'd quite like to shove his smug face into a meat slicer and then stick a bag of salt and vinegar crisps over his head while he bled slowly to death. For anyone unfamiliar with Mr Kyle (rhymes with vile), think a slimier, less principled version of Jerry Springer.

I can stay in the hospital from 9am to 9pm after that, unless something is happening I need to head home. Although if anything happens in the middle of the night I'd be coming right back out.

This is how I know any gods out there is not an engineer. If they/he/she/something else entirely were, they'd have designed things much better and everything would happen on a prearranged schedule.

Possibly welding would be involved.

Been browsing the net, chatting with Kristi, reading Cold Print (Ramsey Campbell) or playing games on my laptop while Kristi dozes. She is currently playing Fallout Shelter. A couple of months ago she decided to put it on her phone in case I didn't have my phone with me and she needed something to amuse me on long journeys (Kristi does not approve of my usual way of amusing myself when bored of looking for random items to wear as hats. Especially if we are in a posh restaurant and I've been waiting on food for a while. I tend to start balancing menu's on my head). Of course she is now addicted to the game and I haven't gotten to see it lol. Just as well I have it on my own phone.

Shoulder muscles are feeling tender from the push ups I was doing yesterday. I need to get into doing them more. Still I passed my fitness test easily enough so I can't be doing too bad.

Update, we just got moved to a private room which is nice. Apparently as Kristi is getting induced she is entitled to one. She is having cramps on her lower back so I guess things are starting.

I see its international woman's day today. I am not quite sure what one of them is but, well happy day if you are an international woman.

Hmm, my gay German flight attendant friend has sent us a good luck message. He seems to have given up on trying to get me to get jiggy with him. Perhaps I am just losing my sex appeal as I get older. I would like to say having a gay stalker was interesting, but it really wasn't.

Watched the latest Thor film which was good but it feels like Marvel are doing these things by the numbers now. I wonder if Black Panther is any different. Hoping to take my mum to go see The Shape Of Water at some point next week. Tomorrow before I come out to the hospital I am going to swing by the cemetery and go put some flowers there. Will see if I can find a balloon or something with 'Big Sister' on it for Lilly Beth.

[Alex]

Baby (Iain Alexander Malcolm) Ash Corbett arrived today at 15:29 via C section. He weighs 6 pounds 14 ounces. Currently he is resting under a heater as he is a bit chilly and his blood sugar is slightly low but otherwise he is doing well. Mother is resting beside me having a well deserved sleep before my relatives start visiting in around 45 minutes. At some point I'll get home and maybe even upload a photo. :)

And yes Trevor, it is a short post. :P

[ER]

Many, many, MANY congratulations and best wishes to you and your family, Alex!! There is no joy in this world like the kind babies bring into your life.

[Paquita]

Congrats!  Glad to hear everyone is doing well!  I starting thinking c-section was going to be the route when you mentioned her back was cramping.  Looking forward to really long posts with baby stuff!

[Alex]

Thank you. I now have the awesomely difficult task of deciding just which bad movie should be his first.

Right now, Flash Gordon is top of my list.

[indianasmith]

CONGRATULATIONS, good sir!!   

I hope you weren't overly fond of sleeping, or sex, or privacy . . . those days are done!